So, a few years ago someone told me I MUST watch ‘The Notebook’ because it was an amazing movie and had the hottest actor in the planet. Now, I can’t remember if it was Crystal or Kim but it was one of them because no one else ever suggested such movies to me. They both (in my opinion) had terrible taste in movies.
Crystal made me watch some movie about a guy who was the weirdest and most annoying person on the planet. Hang there while I google what that was….
Ok, I gooogled ‘most boring movies ever’ and it didn’t come up but it was about a guy who spoke really slowly and had cows or llamas or something.
Then comes Kim who told me to watch a war movie and acted out a scene from the movie where a mum learns her son has died in the war. I am sure it was very traumatic in the movie but because Kim had given me her version of it, and that I watched the movie on a date, it didn’t end well. I was in absolute effin hysterics when the knock on the door happened and the mum was told her son was dead. My poor date was looking at me like I was crazy as she groaned… just as Kim had demonstrated but the bloody mother in the movie kept the groan up and I was in such a fit of giggles that it was adamant this guy (my date) was sure to see me as a non feeling crazy woman who saw death as a comedy.
Then comes the notebook. I feel it may have been Crystal who told me to watch it but in any case, when I watched it, how ever many years ago, I needed a sick bucket next to me. It was the most pathetic and stupid movie I had even watched (at that time).
Tonight, it was on the free to air TV and as I was ‘gaming’ on Facebook, I let it play in the background.
Enter …. Emotions.
The majority of the movie had no effect on me. Young love, is everywhere, every circumstance etc. That has no effect on me. What DID have an effect on me was Noah, days gone past.
SPOILER ALERT… IF you have not seen the movie, do not read on….
So, I have seen Dr Hands care for me and nurture me through this cancer crap, feed and water me, love me and put up with my anger and irrational crap that comes out. So comes the part of the movie when Noah is reading to Allie and I cry. Thank goodness Dr Hands is up the other end of the house because he would have a field day with my tears and weakness.
It made me realise I do not want my Dr Hands to have to deal with anything else, physically, emotionally or mentially reltated. He has done his time looking after me with cancer/chemo and soon radiotherapy. Please do not let him have to put up with me with Dementia/Alziemers.
This is what made me cry. The fact that this amazing ‘tough guy’ has put everything on hold, our garden, house improvements, motorbike …. to care for me. I cant stand the idea of him having to care for me if I even got the old age illness.
So, who ever it was that made me watch this movie initially, had it at the wrong time. Now, I know what it is to be loved, to be wanted and cared for. I didn’t understand that before but now I do.
Tonight I cried watching a ‘chick flick’.
Oh goodness, what next….?
And just one more thing, I still think ‘young Noah’ is icky. He is not a sex symbol to me apart from the fact he worked in a lumber yard, just like my Sam xxxxx
Hey, remember the other day when I told you about how bad I was at SWUTI (Shopping While Under The Influence of Alcohol)? I was trying to explain a tree canvas I had purchased?
Well, it has arrived and I freeking Love it!! Love Love Love it.
Dr Hands freeking hates it!! Hates Hates Hates it.
How do I know I have found the one? Well, beside the fact he has been absolutely amazing through this cancer bizzo, he loves me, I find him kinda sexy etc….. but also because, future mother and father in law just know how to pick me up. Improve my mood…
They popped in today to say hi and these where the things they bought with them….
Here we have a daffodil plant (how does one not smile looking at those happy and sunny flowers?), a punnet of blueberries and a magnificent bottle of Grant Burge …… Oh good times….. 🙂
What is wrong with this photo? I took it not long after my cleaner, Shanna, had left. I laughed so much but bloody Dr Hands wasn’t even here to see the funniness of it.
Do you recon she did it deliberately? She does have a very wicked and odd sense of humour, which, beside her cleaning, is what I love about her.
If you can’t see what is on my bedside table here we have a book, my reading glasses, eye mask, water, panadol and, well, um a Hair Tie.
Here is my current hair style in case you have forgotten
OOOhhhh she is a funny one isn’t she…… LMAO!!!
Oh, and another thing, she had the audacity to tell me off for putting my ‘arsehole cream’ with her business name ‘done and dusted’ together in a post on facebook (she calls it dogbook but I dont understand that so we’ll call it facebook). I was talking about chemo number 4 being done and dusted (her business name) and the fact I had to buy Anusol for Hemorrhoids and they went together in one sentence. hehe. She got me back well and truly with that hair tie 🙂
She might look all nice and friendly in her ‘cartoon’ image’ on her business card but let me tell you, not only does she have a weird and twisted sense of humour, she will growl at you if you walk on her freshly washed floors. Doesn’t matter it is YOUR home, stay off the floors for ten minutes please!! Bloody love this woman and I can never thank my cousins enough for having her visit us each fortnight to give us one less thing to do.
Update on Dr Hands is we are separated again tonight. He went to the doctor and the doctor said, Four days apart, due to my very vulnerable state post chemo. So, another night in bed alone while he sleeps in the spare room. I do not like this. I do not like this one bit.
I might act all tough and what not but I like my man, with his warmness, cuddles, terrible dream language and what not IN OUR BED end of story.
Dr Hands is sick. Like, really sick. Some gastric thing of sorts and no, he hasn’t gone to the doctors.
What he has done though is build a camp for himself ‘up the other end of the house’. Thank goodness we built a big house with two living rooms and four bedrooms because he will not come near me in fear of infecting me which could potentially create a visit to the hospital for me.
So tonight, I’ll have the bed to myself and I do not like that idea but the thought of a hospital trip due to illness is a worse idea so separate beds it is.
He did go above and beyond tonight though and cooked me dinner. He wouldn’t let me eat anything he had pre prepared over the last day or two in case the food was contaminated. I could smell something cooking so off I went to investigate and found Dr Hands in the kitchen with surgical gloves on and a surgical mask. I do not know where he comes up with these ideas (or surgeons mask mind you) but there he was, cooking my dinner and ensuring there was no contamination from him. He refused to let me take a photo but it was a pretty funny sight. And dinner was lovely, steak and veg.
One thing that has really been bugging me lately though is I totally need a creative side. My friend Gilda went above and beyond in the world of ‘squares’ and has knitted me a mountain of squares and a few large rectangles so I’m thinking, these might be better used to create a cuddle cushion. You know, like kids have teddy bears and adults have a cuddle cushion. All adults have a cuddle cushion right?
Anyway, that is my idea and I am thinking I will go forth and create it. Check it out. Gilda has always called me Bailes and has this on my rectangle 🙂
Today was slightly better with me being able to stay awake for about four hours straight. I do wonder though, come bed time, what will Brady do with Papa sleeping in the spare room and me in the main room? This will confuse and upset him. He is quite the OCD dog and likes his routine. I think he’ll choose me though.
This last round of chemo has really knocked me for a six. All I can do is sleep. Last night, I went to bed at 9pm and was woken by Sam this afternoon at 3pm.
I am glad I have been blogging my way through this ‘unscheduled journey’ because I would probably think all I did for a year was sleep.
My feelings are
* Mild Headaches
* Earache
* Mild sore throat
Thats about it.
Just thought I’d check in and let you know I am still around, but spending my time sleeping. Boy I can sleep…..
I have popped in a 7 year old photo from when Sam and I went on a romantic houseboat week together to remind me of the fun things to come 🙂
This is the post that made me make this post. I love Lucky Otters Haven’s blog. I love it. In any case, theirs was a 23 Things I hate About My Life, I want to do the opposite…
Here are my 23 things I love about my life
1. I am Loved. Of course by my mother, family, daughter, Dr Hands, In Laws, Brady (Big White Dog), Kelly (staffy x) friends I knew I had and friends I never knew I had, neighbours and so forth
Me and Dr Hands (Sam)
2. My Home. It is newly built. 19th of December, Dr Hands and I were handed the keys to our newly built home and on that date I was also proposed too by Dr Hands.
3. My Daughter. She is a Hoot. She is different, loving, colourful, cuddly and everything else. I never thought I was a great mum but boy, I look at this daughter of mine and know, somewhere, somehow, her father, her grandparents, and myself, must have done A OK. She is great.
4. Inlaws. Never have I felt the love of an outside family as I have with my Dr Hands Family. His mother hugs me so tight, so lovingly and I never want to let go. My FFIL (future father in Law) always has a kiss and cuddle for me as well as jokes and payouts. My gorgeous and fit and healthy SIL (future Sister In Law) is amazing and always has a cuddle, kind words, mimco umbrellas and amazing nieces and nephews for me. She Rocks. This is the kind of family one would want to marry into.
5. I didn’t really want to put them down to number five but my Brady Bailey-Wilkinson and Kelly-Bear are so loving and amazing to me. They really dont give a shit if I am sick but they love me all the same. I would really love to add one more fur baby to my brood being a french bull dog but ‘apparently’ now is not the time (they are Dr Hands Words)
Brady and Kelly
6. Bubbles. Yep, sparkling wine, champagne, what ever you want to call it I love it. It helps me sleep (oh come to me people who want to tell me drugs and alcohol are not the answer but shit, Cancer Honey!! give me bubbles, I kinda deserve it’
7. The Real Housewives of Meadows. I think they should be happy they living here in a beautiful town in the Adelaide Hills but noooo, One is in Bali and the other is constantly working but when they aren’t ….. they are amazing. I can call or text and they are there for me. They can pass on a bottle of bubbles, a cup of coffee, a chat etc. These woman, when they are around, are great people
8. Work. Yes, you read it right, work. I liked my job before my ‘promotion’ but wow, my new job is amazing and in all honesty, I can’t wait to get back to it. Not long now. Like, what, 10 months or so ….
9. BFF. Tracey. I remember as a kid, I think I was like about 11 and I walked down to the local shop in Summertown in South Australia and asked the lady behind the counter (who was the mother) if I could play with her daughter. Over thirty years later, we are still friends 🙂
We are not 11 years old here
10. My Mum. She was soooo annoying when I was younger but boy dont mum’s change when you grow up. She has been amazing. I worry for her though having to go through ‘my cancer’ on her own but she seems to be doing ok. Totally love this lady. Wish I could be more like her xx
Me and My Mama
11. King Crab Claws. Anything crab gives me great love. Love love love crab. Give me no other food but crab.
12. My Bed. Seriously, I bloody love my bed. I may complain or whinge about sleeping so much but in all honesty, if there is any ‘side effect’ from chemo, sleep is the best. I have Elisian sheets, Canningvale quilt cover, freedom furniture king size bed, yes, I am very bed and linen obsessed.
13. Books, any book. Give it to me. Give me Give me Give me books!
14. Internet. Love it. I can email friends, family, anyone. I can blog all kinds of ‘crap’ but the internet will forward it to someone who might want to read it 🙂 Love it
15. My Past. Everyone always bitches and complains and are all embarrassed about their past but why? It made you who you are today…. I understand some people had really shitty crappy childhoods and they have every right to complain but mine was A OK.
16. Doctors and Medicine. Yep, they have saved my life. I am one boob down, have a kick arse scar but it is all to save my life. Chemotherapy to follow boobemectomy to ensure this cancer bitch doesn’t return…. I love modern research.
17. The Bold and the Beautiful. Yep, love it. I have taped it for years and have saved every Sunday to spend the day watching episode upon episode. Funny thing is, since I have been given 12 months off to recover from breast cancer, The Bold and the Beautiful has given me the shits. I’ll still continue to watch it but not record it 🙂
18. Foxtel. Ok, I have taken a while to get used to it and the only channel I really understood was the music channel but now I am getting to know more of the channels, I am learning there is more to like and appreciate. When you are on leave for a year or so, you will want to find something to entertain you the moment you are awake…
19. My Cousins. These amazing people who dont get together as often as we should, got together and organised a cleaner for Dr Hands and I. Dr Hands, he works full time, is a full time carer for me and looks after the house and food. The moment I learnt that my cousins got together and those who could contribute, organised a cleaner for us each fortnight for three months was beyond words. It is this kind of thought that really makes you feel loved. Knowing that people know that something as simple as housework is a lot for anyone going through this was amazing.
20. Modern Day. Remember the old days when pregnant women would wear ‘sacks’ due to society and now they can wear crop tops and skinny pants? Well, cancer people can now get around with no hats or scarfs or ‘hair’ Now, preggos and cancer peeps can get around without the cover ups. I love this a lot.
21. Cancer. Weird that would come in to the 23 things I love right but, now I know what cancer is, what it is like, how to deal with it. People ‘think’ they know cancer and how they would deal with it but until you have it, you know nothing. With my job, I will be more informed and educated it what my ‘client’ is going through. I will beat this bitch and get through it and be stronger for it.
22. My Family. I have a huge family and not all get along but when cancer comes along, we all get along. My huge family, well, they have come through thick and fast. I have an Auntie who knitted not only a square but a whole blanket that I constantly snuggle into on my bean bag. My cousins (and others) who have organised a cleaner for us for three months. Emails daily from a cousin to ensure I am A OK and doing alright. My family are amazing.
23. Dr Hands. Sam Wilkinson. My Fiance. My Lover. My Everything. He is the one who can look at my face and know, know that I am well or not so well. He knows when I need to eat, drink, need medication, a hug, a kiss etc. I do not know how my man does it all but he does. He can look at me and know what I need, I can scream at him, cry with him, cuddle and beg and he still knows what I need. Without Dr Hands, I am sure I’d be ok but not as good as I am now and yesterday and tomorrow. He knows my needs, my wants and my requirements. I get angry at him and say some really shitty words but he brushes them by and gets on with life. Where would I be without Dr Hands?
Sailing our hire house boat and loving it 🙂My Love, My Everything xx
I feel like absolute and utter shit. Beside my ‘party night’ following chemo arvo, I have done nothing but sleep.
Ok, well Dr Hands did wake me on Friday morning for my pre chemo tablets, water, breakfast and coffee. Then I got up a sometime in the afternoon for all of about half an hour to see the future in laws who’d popped in. Up again at 6pm for Dr George to visit to stab me with the ‘day after chemo’ injection, have dinner and back to bed. What really annoyed me about Dr George’s visit was that he said I am not even to open the front door because of the icy cold winds that could get into my chest.
But I wanted to go to the Gluten Free expo today (Saturday) 😦 well that went out the window pretty quick. Beside the fact I couldn’t even get out of bed for more than half an hour. Sam did let me sleep until midday before feeding, drugging and watering me and mentioning I might need to pop into the shower before I went back to sleep.
The best thing about getting out of todays shower (beside smelling and feeling fresh and moisturised) was that Sam had changed all of the linen! Ok, none of it might not match but it is all clean and beautiful smelling and made for a lovely sleep.
Awake again for some dinner which was a tough task tonight. I opted for cheese and crackers. Sam was not at all happy with that choice but look who was…
Yep, my Brady Boy absolutely loved my cheese and crackers. Not all of them, I did eat some but ugh, my stomach just doesn’t want any food.
What made me almost laugh my hemorrhoids out was Sams comments of me losing weight too quickly. Now, those of you who don’t know me, I am a pretty big girl. I have lost 5 kilos in about two months and I really dont think that is a fast weight loss but ya just gotta love his concern all the same. So Sam, Kelly, Brady and I all enjoyed some roast chicken, yes, a fair bit went to Brady from my side but I did eat some and will be heading back to bed soon.
Hopefully I wake up feeling AMAZING and can attend the gluten free expo…. fingers crossed.
I think this is something needed. We need a Pro Chemo Clinic for those who are so dexied up (pepped) and no one else in the household has the energy to keep up.
The feeling is like I have been given a big speed bomb (Mum, MIl, FFIL, Family and Friends) I have only tried speed a few times I promise, your few and my few may be quite different but I DO NOT use or take speed or illegal drugs these days and nor have I for a for year or so. Few, glad I got all that out.
Anyhoo. Here I am, Dr Hands fast asleep (I think he has a new kidney stone growing eeek), Brady and Kelly are both fast asleep and me, well, wide a blippin awake!
Let me share my gorgeous haven, bedroom, that I spend much of my time in and have spent some of my ‘splurge money’ on those gorgeous lamps…
Its crap. The only person in the house, wide awake (speed like from memory) all others asleep in the house and what do I do? I hate TV but I watched a shit movie called ‘Switched Identity’ I think it was called and there were very few funny bits in it. Now, there is some crap with some dude who swears a lot and is in Spain telling people what they are doing wrong. I might have to search foxtel because this show sucks.
Here are my sleepy heads minus Samo because he would take my head off if I woke him for a photo…
My texts to my gorgeous daughter had me in stitches, Brady had some strange things going on in his head that made me laugh, Kelly had a tennis ball in the side of her jawls which made me laugh. Sam has made me laugh all day.
Then, I am all alone. Pepped up from all the drugs they give me during chemo but the loved ones, they can’t keep up.
So, bring on the Pro Chemo Clinic. Some dude will take some weed, another will enjoy the ‘experimental’ speed I have tried but seriously, the first night after chemo is kinda tough. I want someone to get totally and utterly drunk with me. To talk shit and laugh and ignore the worlds problems for a moment.
But, I can’t book this in because other chemo treatments have me comotosed (I tried spell check and it wasn’t working for me so just work with me here) within a few hours of getting home from chemo. Tonight though, am feeling pumped and happy and loving the world and my life.
I am wondering if there was a clinic that looked like a bar for the pro chemo patients of the day, would that help not only our carers and dogs, but also us. Some of us come home all pepped up and ready to chat but there is no one to chat too. Oh stop it, dont be berating Sam because I think he is hiding a kidney stone from me but imagine, all us Pro Chemo Peeps, smoking weed, drinking bubbles (thats me) or just pumped from the meds given, we could have a hoot of a party.
It is tough the night or two following chemo. I think I have had all of the feelings. I have been high as a kite, low as a maggot, midstream with nothing going on in my head (work peeps, you can cease laughing now), and absolute comatose. So, I can’t judge what I am going to be like from each chemo to the next. Mind you, the next one, whilst a long day, sounds a lot easier.
Next chemo has me having the heart test (to make sure my heart will cope with the next lot of chemo), which is at 10am and then at 1am, my new chemo which apparently will give me a lot of fatigue and bone acheness but no nausea (yippeee) and it is up to debate as to weather my hair loss continues or I grow my hair. See previous post.
Any hoo…… Obviously I am wide awake with all of these bloggie posts tonight. You may not hear from me for a few days but I am going to imagine sad faces all around the world.
I thought twice about my profile pic but then I realised, I am who I am. I am ok with being bald. It is time for not only Australia but the world to be ok with bald women. No, I am not a lesbiano (even though there is nothing wrong with that), but why do I feel I have to wear a wig, hat, scarf etc. These make my head itch and I am so happy that Sam is just fine and dandy with me going alllll natural.
I have this shocking habit of being able to read credit card numbers while drunk as a smelly skunk and buying things that I have no recollection off until either the goods arrive or I get a confirm email.
At work I received a 12 month subscription to The Womans Weekly that I had no idea I had purchased. I checked my credit card, invoice and what not and yes, it was purchased on a weekend. Sure sign of bubbles being involved.
There were FIVE pairs of shoes delivered another day. Oh thats right, I remember um, liking them, not buying five pairs but oh well, they’re cure and I love them and surely Sam will understand.
Once I received the ‘purchase confirmed’ a few days after the purchase, I scratched my bald head and kinda remembered liking a tree picture but liking and buying are sooooo totally different things apparently.
The good thing, that I thought, was ok thats fine….. Sam works all day and I get the all of the mail and deliveries before he even gets home. How big is 1 x Rainbow Tree 90x59cm Canvas Wall Art? Is it small enough for me to hide in a cupboard if it is horrible? I have no sense of size, I need people to show me with their hands. Oh, remember when I asked Steve Harrison to show me with his hands the size of a locker??? Those in the know will know what I am talking about… anyhoo
I kinda remember it being on a white canvas thing with a painted tree in multi colour. In my mind, it was absolutely gorgeous and I super duper hope my memory serves me well…. If my memory does serve me well, it is totally something Sam will hate but I will absolutely love. And it was so so so cheap!!!
Ooooh, I have a remedy of sorts, my fundraising money can pay for it. It was only $50.00 down from like a gazillion dollars which is a total bargain and I love it soooo much. And I loved it and normally, I wouldn’t buy something of such value because we are kinda poor at the minute but I remember, in my bubble haze, loving it so much.
Here is the shitty bit (for me). Sam was given 6 days leave as of today and I received an email today saying this canvas wall art thing has been dispatched. SHIT!
Maaaaybe one of my lovely peeps could say they bought it and had it sent to meeeee? Nah, that wont work because I am the biggest blabber mouth ever and when I start to tell Sam a lie I laugh and just tell the truth and I even laugh the whole way through the story. I can even picture myself telling him and almost word for word of this blog and he’ll stand in front of me with a straight face and me laughing and laughing.
I am not religious but please, pray for me…
Anyway, if he gets angry at me, I’ll remind me of the whole cancer and chemo and what not, that’ll break him down a bit. If it doesn’t, I’ll call my future mother in law and she’ll sort him out 🙂 Love my MIL xx
Wish me luck anyway.
I think it was like this but prettier and with a white background. In fact, it probably doesn’t look like this at all…..
Just a regular thirty-something-year-old trying to capture the essence of life in writing. Join me as I journey through the ups, the downs and the adventures in between.
I am a man who believes romance should never die, movies make for a great night, custom suiting is a must and creating a legacy is one's purpose. A man who holds true to this understands the gentleman's lifestyle.
Setting the world straight by complaining about and making humorous remarks towards our problems while providing solutions we should all live by. Cus' we're just really pissed off about a lot of things.
An Unscheduled Journey 