4th Chemo Done and Dusted

You heard it here. This lot of chemo is finished. What that means is, I get a new lot of chemo in three weeks which apparently will be a lot easier to deal with but will continue to be fatigued and may have body pain. Please dont be cross at me Rebecca of the Small C but, I forgot to ask but I am almost certain it is the Taxol but I will do my best to ask in three weeks. The nausea will be ‘apparently’ non existent and my oncologist says, hair loss will remain where as my oncologist nurse says it may grow back. I will let you know who wins that discussion. I do have some lovely peach fuzz in some areas on my head which feel nice but it looks really light! Maybe I’ll go back to being the white blonde I was as a little kid….

Now, about my special friend I had the hat for. I was saddened to hear that she had already been and gone for the day so I asked one of the nurses to put the ladies name on her hat and make sure she gets it next time she is in. It was really tough trying to explain who the lady was because I didn’t even know her name but my description was spot on 🙂

Before I know it, the reception lady (who is just lovely) pops into my room and went on and on about how lovely a thing we’d (Dr Hands and I) had done and did I want my name to be put on the message and I said it didn’t really matter. It was just a gift for that lady.

Next thing, my phone is ringing and it’s her! My special friend rang me because the receptionist rang her to tell her about the hat. My friend asked the receptionist for my phone number and it was given to her (no privacy act going on here LOL.) My friend was so happy and excited even though I could hear her tiredness from her earlier treatment. The nurses and receptionist were so happy because it turns out that my special friend who is wonderful and is so smiley and happy, has a bit of an arsehole of a boyfriend/husband. They have met him and are not big fans of his but they are of her.

So, I am very happy to have done my small bit of paying it forward, even if it was just a small thing, it was important to me to make someone as happy as all of my friends and family are making me.

Now, for the big step I took today….. I bought this 😦

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Sleep Sleep and Kelly

Nope, nothing interesting has happened this week … oh except this.

Remember how I said that I am not really a movie person? I dont like going to the movies, in fact, it is probably the worst place you can take me to. I rarely even watch a TV show to it’s entirety let alone a movie but this week, yesterday in fact, I watched 2.5 movies.

1st movie I watched was Saving Mr Banks and I totally loved it. What a great movie. 2nd movie was Lucy. Freaked me out to no end but I really loved it too. Bit icky in some points but loved it all the same. 3rd Movie was Grace of Monaco but there was too much political stuff that confused me so I only watched half of it. I am not a big fan of Nicole Kidman as an actress. I find her drab. Dull. She is a nothing on the screen to me.

This week has seven days. Monday, Tuesday and Wednesday are supposed to be mine and I had two tasks to do on one of these three days. They are to take the vacuum to the electrical shop (the one you used to work at Annette) because the pet turbo nossel isn’t working and the 2nd thing I want to do is to ………come on down, lets go shopping!

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I am not sure if you read about the amazing daughter Accalia and friends Mia and Nicole and many more who went on a fundraiser to raise money just for me. Yes, there had been money raised for me before by my work being Bendigo and Adelaide Bank and they bought me the most wonderful and needed and wanted items. Things being beautiful new pyjamas, a Peter Alexander shrug, breast cancer glass house candle, $70 coles/myer voucher, funny fake boobs, a donation of $50 to the Breast Cancer Research foundation and more. AND this fund raiser was money to spoil myself with. All for me. Over $400 to indulge and not worry about the mounting medical bills, mortgage, petrol etc. This was specifically for me!

So, when I was dropping the vacuum off (which hasn’t happened due to chemo related illness) I was going to go and find my camera that I had been drooling over for a year. It is a Nikon P600. It is amazing. 60x zoom, wi-fi and so much more. I have been a mystery shopper for a while to get extra cash and this was presented to me at one of my jobs but do you think anyone sells it now? Geeez oh no, that would be too amazing. I struggle to pay full price for anything. I love to bargain and beat the sales person down and if you buy on line, you can’t really do that.

Harvey Norman (this is not a paid advert for this company) was the company during my mystery shop that showed me this particular camera but I chatted with a guy on line the other night and he said they no longer sell them.

Shit. This is the one I want! So I am going to have to go into the store and speak to someone and find something similar or the same because I really really liked it. For a year I have wanted this camera. Drooled over it in fact.

What really pissed me off about this camera is that FFIL (future father in law) came over one day and blow me down with a feather but didn’t he have the camera I have been drawling over!!

Other than all that, I have planned my wedding (in my head while in bed trying to sleep), planned an idea for the Cambodia squares and the absolutely amazing knitting done by my mate Gilda for a snuggle cushion.

While laying in bed, it isn’t always sleep but sometimes it is like just laying there in a coma. My body can’t or wont move but my brain is so active. I can plan world peace in a night off no sleep. But the following day, I dream of the most sexiest of scenes, the most daring of action escapes from villains and so on. I have always had very amazing and memorable action packed dreams so I am lucky when I am in a 12 hour sleep fest (sorry for those who dont get these eg Junebugs mum Mia), and I am also lucky that I remember all of these dreams.

Poor Dr Hands, that good old value pack doesn’t get much use because Chemo takes away any kind of libido one once had but boy, does it get used up in my dreams……

Here is my now calm girl after we rescued her from the terrible winds outside. Australia, right now, is winter and the wind storms we have had up here in Meadows have been terrible. There are two things that Kelly absolutely hate and one is fireworks and the other, wind. She wouldn’t even eat her dinner tonight until we bought her, and her dinner, inside to eat. If anyone who owns a staffy knows that if a staffy wont eat, there is something terribly wrong…..

Kelly all but lives inside but I must separate Kelly and Brady at dinner time because piggy Kelly will get it all and Brady would just fade away. Now, we have had to rethink out dinner plans for Kelly and think we will now feed her in the garage or laundry, out of the wind and weather. Our poor precious baby…. hehe. Looks and acts as tough as Arnie or Sylvester Stalone but when it comes to her two fears, is as precious as a new born kitten 🙂

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Just so you know, we do have a washing machine but Dr Hands has his day job pants on …. I’m a Lumberjack and I’m OK….

Cuddles with Kelly

I have been a bit poorly these last few days. Nothing out of the ordinary but remember when I said I would not share my Auntie Janet blanket with any of the dogs, well, I may have caved for a brief moment.

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Next spa therapy treatment is due this Thursday but I am actually looking forward to it this week.

There is a lady that has her chemo on the same day as myself and while she has her chemo, her husband sleeps in the car because he works night shift. She mentioned about a month ago how much she liked my breast cancer hat. Then I saw her recently and again, she was alone, her wig a little askew but still with her happiness and chattiness in tact.

Dr Hands and I decided to buy her a hat just like mine. I can’t wait to either give it to her or leave it for her to collect. I hope she likes it as much as I do.

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This is the hat….. obviously taken a while ago coz I can see hair in this photo hehe.

Fed Up

Big of a whinge moment. I feel I have done nothing but sleep this week which would ordinarily be my favourite thing except there were things I wanted to do. One being, attending Hugo’s 1st Birthday party with Brady Bailey-Wilkinson.

Dr Hands advised last night that today’s party would be a non event for me and I was like a toddler having a tantrum saying I would be fine and, dont assume how I am going to feel blah blah….

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This is Huge and Brady…….. A wee bit of a size difference but could totally have enjoyed a birthday party today 😦

The shit head was right. I was crap. I slept from about 3ish yesterday arvo until 9:30 this morning. The day before was much the same. I always have a positive attitude that i’ll feel amazing the next day but it doesn’t always happen. That doesn’t let Dr Hands off the hook for being able to tell by looking at me how I am going to feel but geez, he is right more often than not.

I am also glad to mention he does not read my blog. He does not want to communicate through my blog and often I used to say, oh, did you see my blog where I talked about blah blah and his response was often ‘Bailey Boop, I do not read your blog and if you have something to say to me, say it to me’. When did he get all grown up??

So, This morning I woke up like crap just as he predicted. Had I even been in the position to give this wonderful man children, he would have made a great daddy but today and tomorrow, he is my carer and lover as I battle through my breast cancer and chemotherapy and then radio….

What was my point here….?

Oh, Fed UP. Fed up with feeling like shit. I was really surprised after the previous chemo, being number 3, and I felt great after it. I was pumped and energised for quite a few days, even managing a lunch with fabulous people recieving a suprise fundraiser of money in a large jar and such. The last three days? Shit. Absolute shit.

While I lay in bed on Thursday I had all of my arguments ready for Dr Hands. He always asks about food and water. I am not a bloody horse you know but I play along all the same because he loves me and such but, it turns out, I wasn’t even awake long enough for him to ask me the questions. Hang on, I think that was Friday not Thursday. Thursday I had some crackers and cheese. Yeah, that’s right and Friday, nothing. Yay for weight loss. Boo for listening to Dr Hands on Saturday about the effects of not eating and not getting nutrition etc……. He can really be quite boring.

What I did love about today is Dr Hands asking how I am going. Out of no where. I had been to the doctors for my shopping list being

Motilium – Anti Nausea

Tremodol – Pain Relief/Headache Relief

Diazapam – Sleeping Tablets

Why do I need the valium? Well, I can be so very tired but so wound up that sleep is beyond me so the valium (very low dose so I take double the amount) helps me to relax and stop stressing and sleep. And once I sleep, I’ll see ya in three days….

I hate that I have had to cancel two events these last two days. I really wanted to go to Hugo’s first birthday. That would have totally been a hoot but stupid cancer/chemo and Dr Hands prevented all that but I will imagine the joy that Brady and I would have received from the fun of it.

Hopefully tomorrow, I’ll have an amazing and energised post.

Let me give you three amazing things for the week

1. An amazing package filled with a pile of knitting from Gilda who even put my nickname to her ‘bailes’ on one of the huuuge squares. I am thinking I might make Gilda’s mountain of squares into a cuddle cushion….

2. A lovely package, words, squares and book from great friend Chantelle to remind me life is great. Friends area amazing and nothing gets past a great book

3. Dr Hands asking how I am going. Yes, we live day in day out but he stopped the world to ask me how I am going with a missing boob, with the scar, with the journey….. My man isn’t much of a talker and I dont shut up so for him to ask me, deep down and honestly want to know, meant so much. and yeah. I will admit, that missing boob, that huge scar, can sometimes hit me like a brick to my bald head.

Oh, Dr Hands also bought me the prettiest of flowers today and I was so happy but boy, they smell like horse wee….. Maybe that is what is making my eyes water but I’ll let Dr Hands believe it is the combustion fire making my eyes water hehe

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If you have managed to read this far, let me tell you that my underarm hairs have gone. They are chemo’d out of my life. Leg hairs… well, there are a couple but nothing worth getting the razor out for. Right eyebrow is hanging in there but looking very sad as far as eyebrows goes and my chin hair hasn’t come back.

Lady Land is almost bare!! The forest of dreams is almost as smooth as a babies bum. Almost!!

From Cambodia and Queensland to Adelaide

I woke feeling like absolute and utter crap this morning. I didn’t have a great night sleep as was suffering stomach cramps, nausea and headaches. The sleep I did have didn’t make me feel any better but then the day took a turn for the better.

When I finally got out of bed at 2:30pm (yes, in the afternoon) I woke to a beautifully smelling and looking home. Thanks to Spanna (my cleaner) and my amazing family for providing her to me. I had sent her a text advising her of my feelings for the day but advised I was medicated enough that I probably (and didn’t) hear her. She just left the master bedroom and ensuite alone as requested.

When I did get up and rugged up I went to check the letterbox as I had a heads up from friend, Ali, that there might be something special from my wonderful postie today. I dont think he came to my door today though because I am often woken up by the door bell so I braved the weather and not only was there 1 parcel but 2!

Parcel number 1 was from Ali, Paul and Jy and wow, these beautiful squares are amazing. They came all the way from Cambodia on their recent trip and there had been some research by them before they set off to their destination. Check out the organisation here – http://daughtersofcambodia.org/ – Daughters of Cambodia is a faith-based group of non profit social enterprises operating in Phnom Penh with the sole purpose of offering a new life of freedom to victims of sex-trafficking and sex-exploitation in Cambodia. I thank you Ali, Paul and Jy for thinking of me on your journey and for doing good in the world xx

Here are the gorgeous squares

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My second gift was from a wonderful friend who now resides in Queensland.  We’ve become such close friends over the years and couldn’t be more different than each other. We refer to one another as ‘foooool’, say is sloooowly and you have it. Long story but anyway, we are both avid readers and if we aren’t talking about books, we are talking about our fur babies. She is a reasonably new adoptive mum to a three legged cat called Destan and a beautiful fluffy rag doll Aberdeen. In her packet of gifts was a lovely card, a book that I can’t wait to read and three lovely squares. I was very surprised to hear she had enlisted the help of her mum. If you know the foool I am talking about, Chantelle, she can do ANYTHING! I must say, her mum is a wonderful knitter. Her squares are all different and all beautiful. It is so difficult to photograph the knitting in these squares but the one on the end with the two blue lines on the edge, is almost like silk, it is so beautiful to touch.

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So my day has gone from waking up in the morning feeling absolutely and utterly rotten to waking again in the afternoon to a haul of goodies from amazing people, a super clean house provided by a cleaner hired by my family and my wonderful man walking through the door. It never ceases to amaze to me know the people who have me in their thoughts.

Tonight, I still have this darn headache but the chemo flu never eventuated so there is something to be happy about. Next spa session is next Thursday which is awesome because for some reason yesterday, I thought my next chemo was meant to be today 🙂

Just a quick note on my eyebrows, rightie has almost gone completely and leftie is hanging in there. Like seriously? Could you both just go at the same time please?

Blogging Challenge – 15 Random Facts About Me

I have loved reading other peoples 15 Random Facts and thought I’d jump on board. Will see how we go with random facts because so far, you all know so much about me, finding stuff you dont know could be interesting hehe.

*  When home alone, I don’t like any noise from TV’s or Radio’s. I like the quiet.

*  I didn’t really drink alcohol until my late 20’s and would often order a glass of milk or water when at pubs and clubs. I have well and truly made up for the lack of alcohol during that time…..

*  I had very white blonde hair as a little girl.

*  Speaking of hair, I have yet to have a grey hair and my hairdresser can back me up on that and I am in my 40’s!

*  I absolutely love my life (yes, even while going through this cancer)

*  My favourite colour is yellow because it is so bright and happy

*  When I have had a few or more sparkling wines, I love to curl up on the sofa with my ipod blasting music in my head

*  I wanted my sister to be called Pebbles when she was born, mum did not agree

*  I can and do and will always talk to anyone and know their life story in the first five minutes according to Sam

*  I attempted to join the police force of South Australia but failed the fitness test

*  I cry watching people win on game shows

*  There is no want or need within me to want to travel. I like where I am.

*  I hate going to the cinema to see a movie. In fact, it is very rare for me to actually want to sit down at home and watch a movie. Give me a book and I am happiest.

*  I once mentioned to my friend (we were in our late teens) that I had never seen a sultana tree. These thoughts have never stopped.

*  I have lived in over 20 houses

First Splurge

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Yes, I bought alcohol from some of the money raised for me and No, I will not spend ALL of that money on alcohol but it was so nice to walk in and buy some yummies. No guilt.

Just wanted to share this purchase with you.

Oh, and my bum still hurts 😦

My Broken Bum

When you have breast cancer, mastectomy, chemotherapy ‘we refer to chem as spa therapy for any new readers), ancillary clearances and so forth, you get given a lot of information about all of the possible side effects which I call ‘feelings’ and they really leave nothing out. The lists have all sorts of weird and wonderful feelings that ‘may’ happen like hair loss (yup, got it), mouth ulcers (nope, skipped that one), loss of appetite (have you seen the size of me? Nope missed that one too) and so on.

What was NOT on any list I have read or heard was HEMORRHOIDS.

I thought I’d broken my bum the other day as I sat crying on the loo wondering what on earth was happening down there. Was I one of those women who didn’t know they were pregnant and was actually giving birth to a child on the toilet? I have read about this quite a few times so it isn’t uncommon. Do I put my hand down there in case there is a little person that I think is a poop? Oh please let this be a poop. I don’t want to touch it, and to make you all feel better, the poop finally came out with me shrieking in ‘labor pain’ and there was no baby to rescue. Phew. AND I didn’t need to touch it ewe!

I really didn’t want to go to the local doctor about this just yet because really, we have only just met and I am constantly asking him to look at my scar where the boob used to be and he might think me a bit of a perv if I go in there and ask him to look at my bum so I did the absolute worst thing in the world and checked out Dr Google.

**Warning, unless you are completely prepared and have an iron stomach, do not type in to google, Hemorrhoids. Those pictures will never ever leave your brain**

The reasons for hemorrhoids had nothing to do with me as I read through the list, pregnancy, child birth, old age, and then there was the answer…. moving a stool. Whilst I hadn’t moved a stool as such that day, I had moved a bedside cabinet the day before and it was quite heavy!

Ah ha! I had my answer, or so I thought. Please keep in mind I am not overly bright but if something says you can get a sore bum from moving a piece of furniture, and you have moved a piece of furniture recently, then that is what you will believe.

Obviously, I wanted a ‘second’ opinion so went to another site and again, they are talking about moving stools and it clicked. Nope, it was not furniture related, a stool is a poo! Why the hell do they call it a stool? It is nothing like a stool. It is a piece of poo that comes out, not something you can invite the neighbour to sit on. Where on earth do these people come up with words like stool for a piece of poo. A poo is a poo for goodness sake.

Dr Hands came home from work and I told him the sad news of my bum and without even taking a breath to understand my pain and discomfort, he is in peels of laughter. He can’t stop. He laughs for so long and I just stand there looking at him. Wow, this is not the Dr Hands I know. Who Is He?

Once he composes himself, he yells out “Price check in aisle 3 for Hemorrhoid cream, Price check in aisle 3” and he hasn’t stopped. Three days now I have heard this being hollered through the house. As I waddle out of the toilet he laughs and laughs. I am not entirely sure why he thinks this is so funny…

The next thing is getting treatment. Remember that day I went to our little country local chemist and bought a ‘value pack’ of condoms because Pharmacy Mary said they were better value if we were going to use a lot of them…. and then a few hours later Sam went to see the same Pharmacy Mary and bought the biggest box of latex gloves…… how do I walk in and ask Pharmacy Mary for bloody hemorrhoid cream?

Price check on barcode.
Price check on barcode.

Image from http://www.google.com/url?sa=i&rct=j&q=&esrc=s&source=images&cd=&cad=rja&uact=8&ved=0CAUQjhw&url=http%3A%2F%2Fwww.jantoo.com%2Fcartoons%2Fkeywords%2Fcheckers&ei=NOehVdv-C-ezmwXQgKqwBA&bvm=bv.97653015,d.dGY&psig=AFQjCNGev82xPnGPnP12wXzz41r1OWNUsA&ust=1436760236631183

Hemorrhoids and Surprises

You are so so lucky that lunch today turned out a hell of  a lot differently than I had anticipated because, this post was going to be a whole lot different. After what I thought was going to be a lovely lunch with my mum, daughter and her girlfriend I was going to come home and talk to you about hemorrhoids. BUT, the day took a turn that I was not expecting.

Accalia (daughter) had wanted to catch up for a belated birthday family lunch and me being me, and her being her, I did not find it overly strange for this request even though her birthday was in April and even though I didn’t see her on her actual birthday because she was in Perth, I have seen her since her birthday. My daughter and I can often do things a little differently and thats ok.

Anyhoo, mum was joining us so she picked me up because apparently I can’t be trusted to drive to and from a place because I can get very tired very quickly and Sam doesn’t trust me. Met Accalia at the wonderful Miss Perez and I felt a little bad that Sam didn’t join us because he, well, he is Sam and Accalias partner couldn’t make it because of work and we were sitting at a kinda big table for just the three of us.

Then there appeared two child seats to our table and I am trying to work out who on earth is joining us because I dont know many little people and suddenly my fantastic friend Nicole and her gorgeous little man Jordan arrived! Nicole is minutes away from giving birth to surprise baby number 3 and looks amazing! Then, following behind was Mia with her three gorgeous kids and I will tell you their correct names being Roarke, Juno and Olive!

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It turns out that these people have been doing a wee fundraiser for the bald girl herself (thats me!). I was so surprised and humbled. I couldn’t believe it and then to hear the people involved in the background was just beautiful! I was so surprised by it all I almost lost an eyebrow (well, what’s left of them anyway).

To know that people have been buying delish chocolates that to raise money for me to splurge on myself, to do what ever it is I want just for me, was incredible.

Inside the bag was a card from Nicole and her boys (thanks for the wonderful drawing of me in bed with flowers and butterflies from Jordan), A lovely note from Mia explaining what all this money is for, photocopies of the journey they took to collect this money and get this, the money is mostly coins! I LOVE THAT! They didn’t have time to get to a bank to get it changed into notes. There is over $420 in this jar. And this is what that looks like..

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I am still so shocked and amazed by the effort and work these wonderful people have gone through. To hear of the people who worked on this project was amazing, people I rarely or never see, people I do see but kept it all very quiet.

To those who read this you can be thankful not only that I have amazing people in my life but the fact you didn’t have to read about my new subject Hemorrhoids…….

And just when I think the day couldn’t get any better, I get a message from my good friends daughter Millie telling me they’ve left something in my letter box for me and OMG, it is from her sister Talia. She has bought me a gorgeous, woolly and the cutest beanie EVER! Can you guess where she got it from?

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In case you can’t read backwards, it says New Zealand and I love it.

Today has been absolutely amazing and I thank each and everyone of you who have been a part of all of this and please know it means so very much to me.

I can’t wait to let you know who I intend to spoil myself…….. OMG all this money just for me???!!! Thank you everyone xx

Happy Again

Geez, wasn’t I the misery guts yesterday? I guess I had just gotten sick of myself but today is a whole new day and I’m feeling better.

I have even showered and put on proper clothes (no, this is not a regular occurrence), have emptied and refilled the dishwasher, said hello to Kelly but NOT Brady (we still aren’t talking to each other) and have caught up on all of my favourite blogs.

All that was needed to get me out of my funk was a few champagnes, a big whinge, chit chats and I’m back.

Therefore, my diagnosis for the not so great days, grab a bottle of bubbles, a neighbour and have a chat.

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I’m leaving you with this photo I took of a donkey when visiting my sister and her family in Perth a few years ago. Everytime I see this photo, it makes me smile (and thank goodness I own and use a toothbrush!).