I cried because my beautiful boy looked at me with his beautiful big brown eyes. He looked like he was sad.
He looked like he was loving me.
He looked like he was happy.
You decide what he looked like.
I have watched him all day, hobbling, sniffing, being incredibly uncomfortable, strange breathing while sleeping and bringing me toys. He is still doing dog things, Brady things but, he isn’t our Brady anymore.
He is riddled with an incurable cancer. He is in pain. He is sad.
I cry because I don’t know when it is ‘time’.
How do I know that he has had enough?
I don’t want to wait until he is exhausted but I don’t want to do it when he is still brining me a ball to throw for him.
I have loved sharing my life with Brady but right now, I hate it. I am so confused and lost.
Brady is as loving as ever but I fear his time is near.
I can’t wait for his surprise BBQ party on Sunday but I fear what follows it.
In the olden days of BC (Before Cancer), I would sometimes see ladies with shirts that seemed a little too small for them. Their shirts would stretch across their boobs and almost make the poor button pop in exasperation trying to hold everything together.
Now, well, I am one of those women.
I have a HEAVING BOSSOM!
It is so awesome and I LOVE IT!
My shirts are now too tight and the fabric is stretched to the max and the little buttons are earning their keep, keeping the left and right side of the fabrics together.
I don’t even care. I am out there strutting my stuff almost yelling for people to LOOK AT MY HEAVING BOSSOM!
So, I either accept this new me, with my stretched shirt and big boobie (the original boob is still not rising to the occasion) or, be still my husbands racing heart! I Go Shopping!
Ok, I am going to go shopping the moment I have some money but let me tell you, am loving this busty new me.
I was out walking today on my lunch break (working from home)(first walk since surgery) and I saw a lady coming toward me and I thought, I bet she is saying to herself, “who is this busty, skinny looking woman before me”?
Ok, it was Kate from across the road and I doubt she said any such thing to herself but I do love my imaginary thoughts of other peoples thoughts so lets run with that ok?
Update on pain, it is manageable. There is still discomfort along my stomach scar line when I wear fitted pants or, undies (snort, I said undies). Walking and even stretching is tedeious and tight but, today was day 1 of quite a few that I have to undertake before heading back into the city office and, I really enjoyed it.
I am working from home at the moment which is an incredibly fortunate thing to be able to do when working for such a big corporation and each and every day I am so thankful to be able to do this. Not only for my recovery from this reconstruction surgery but also, to spend the last few days/weeks with my boy Brady.
How’s he going I hear you ask? Well, I don’t hear you but I imagine you are all here to just find out how Brady is tracking.
He is bloody well loving life at the moment. Ok, not loving it as such with trying to get around on three legs with great pains in the cancer side and all but check these pictures out…
This last picture is very special because Brady and Kelly NEVER sleep this close to one another. Brady gets cross at sharing his space and usually walks away. On this day, he was too worn out to argue and just accepted that Kelly wanted to look after her big brother. xx
I loooooove animals. I can just ooh and aah my way through facebook for hours on end looking at all the animals in the world but, there is one animal that has captured my heart from the moment I met him and has continued to do so for his whole life.
Having said the above, I am not usually one to be absolutely smitten with a puppy. I love them, enjoy cuddling them, adore their puppy smells but, can walk away and not think of them again.
Until I met Brady.
I had gone to Willunga to meet my new boyfriends family and they were Groodle breeders. Sam (then boyfriend, now husband) asked if I wanted to go and see the puppies and I shrugged and said ok.
There they were, lots and lots of puppies, all scrambling for my attention as well as the mum and dad of said puppies. All of these white/cream dogs, wet noses pushing through the gate hoping for a scratch or pat and then I saw him.
A rolly poly fat little dopey puppy, sitting all on his own, looking around as though he couldn’t work out where everyone else went. They were all of five feet in front of him but he didn’t seem to know that so just sat there looking as gorgeous as can be.
Well, that was the end of me.
I hadn’t had a dog in years and didn’t really pine for one until Brady. Oh I thought of him day and night after that first meeting. That first cuddle when Sam handed him to me when I asked if I could hold him. His big little paws seemed to wrap themselves around me neck to have a longer, more snuggly cuddle.
That was, until the day Sam bought Brady down to my city apartment and we became a couple. Brady and I. Me and Brady. We were a team and my gosh he was one handsome fellow.
Nine years later we are the best of friends but something has changed.
Now, it isn’t me fighting the horrid cancer but my boy Brady. Unlike me, Brady doesn’t have an action plan to get rid of it. It is deep within him and now it is up to Sam and I to keep him comfortable, provide him with all of his favourite treats and give him as many cuddles as we possibly can until the day comes.
He is on his pain medication to keep him comfortable. He sleeps a lot.
He also knows something is wrong.
Since when is he aloud to sit on Papa Sams sofa and eat a whole packet of salt and vinegar chips with him?
When did Mama Bailey decide I can have a bone in her office while she is working?
The tumor is in his left hip and has created a great deal of pain in his left leg that he can put no weight on it.
This does not stop him bringing his ball to us in the hope we’ll throw it for him to chase. I have tried to explain to Brady that running after a ball on three legs on timber floor boards is going to create all kinds of havoc.
He doesn’t quite get it.
We have carpet runners now all through the house because he simply can’t manoeuvre his three working legs on the slippery floor boards. Thankfully we have a great community that has donated carpet to us. Thank you Kirsty Binney.
The time hasn’t come yet to say our goodbyes to our boy. We don’t know how many days or weeks we have left but I can assure you, each and every day our Brady is with us, it is going to be a day to bring Brady something worth wagging his tail for.
Do not scroll down if you do not want to see my stomach. (Sorry if my stomach shows up in any of your browsers because I am not totally aware of how to keep certain photos hidden) It isn’t too bad to look at but I have been looking at it for four weeks now so am pretty used to is. It is a cut from hip to hip but don’t worry, it is all stitched up AND, you can see my new belly button.
The reason this area was cut to pieces was so they could use a flap of skin and a whole heap of my tummy fat to build a new boob for me.
You’ll also be able to see my amazing photoshopping aaahahah but honestly, this is why I am unable to drive, bend, sneeze comfortably, have husband and wife time, walk semi decent distances and also why I tend to say, geez my stomach hurts a bit today!
Just a little more…
ok, I couldn’t work out how to post the photo without it showing on your facebook feed with my stomach there for you to see weather you want to see it or not. Also, I can’t work out how to delete this blog post LOL. I’ll work it out later. sorry folks…
I am a man who believes romance should never die, movies make for a great night, custom suiting is a must and creating a legacy is one's purpose. A man who holds true to this understands the gentleman's lifestyle.
Setting the world straight by complaining about and making humorous remarks towards our problems while providing solutions we should all live by. Cus' we're just really pissed off about a lot of things.