23 Things I Love About My Life

http://luckyottershaven.com/2015/07/21/20-things-i-hate-about-my-life/

This is the post that made me make this post. I love Lucky Otters Haven’s blog. I love it. In any case, theirs was a 23 Things I hate About My Life, I want to do the opposite…

Here are my 23 things I love about my life

1. I am Loved. Of course by my mother, family, daughter, Dr Hands, In Laws, Brady (Big White Dog), Kelly (staffy x) friends I knew I had and friends I never knew I had, neighbours and so forth

IMG_0216 2

Uniden Digital Camera
Me and Dr Hands (Sam)

2. My Home. It is newly built. 19th of December, Dr Hands and I were handed the keys to our newly built home and on that date I was also proposed too by Dr Hands.

IMG_0014

3. My Daughter. She is a Hoot. She is different, loving, colourful, cuddly and everything else. I never thought I was a great mum but boy, I look at this daughter of mine and know, somewhere, somehow, her father, her grandparents, and myself, must have done A OK. She is great.

DocImage50 IMG_0119 4

4. Inlaws. Never have I felt the love of an outside family as I have with my Dr Hands Family. His mother hugs me so tight, so lovingly and I never want to let go. My FFIL (future father in Law) always has a kiss and cuddle for me as well as jokes and payouts. My gorgeous and fit and healthy SIL (future Sister In Law) is amazing and always has a cuddle, kind words, mimco umbrellas and amazing nieces and nephews for me. She Rocks. This is the kind of family one would want to marry into.

IMG_1950IMG_0972IMG_0998

5. I didn’t really want to put them down to number five but my Brady Bailey-Wilkinson and Kelly-Bear are so loving and amazing to me. They really dont give a shit if I am sick but they love me all the same. I would really love to add one more fur baby to my brood being a french bull dog but ‘apparently’ now is not the time (they are Dr Hands Words)

Uniden Digital Camera
Brady and Kelly

6. Bubbles. Yep, sparkling wine, champagne, what ever you want to call it I love it. It helps me sleep (oh come to me people who want to tell me drugs and alcohol are not the answer but shit, Cancer Honey!! give me bubbles, I kinda deserve it’

7. The Real Housewives of Meadows. I think they should be happy they living here in a beautiful town in the Adelaide Hills but noooo, One is in Bali and the other is constantly working but when they aren’t ….. they are amazing. I can call or text and they are there for me. They can pass on a bottle of bubbles, a cup of coffee, a chat etc. These woman, when they are around, are great people

8. Work. Yes, you read it right, work. I liked my job before my ‘promotion’ but wow, my new job is amazing and in all honesty, I can’t wait to get back to it. Not long now. Like, what, 10 months or so ….

9. BFF. Tracey. I remember as a kid, I think I was like about 11 and I walked down to the local shop in Summertown in South Australia and asked the lady behind the counter (who was the mother) if I could play with her daughter. Over thirty years later, we are still friends πŸ™‚

Uniden Digital Camera
We are not 11 years old here

10. My Mum. She was soooo annoying when I was younger but boy dont mum’s change when you grow up. She has been amazing. I worry for her though having to go through ‘my cancer’ on her own but she seems to be doing ok. Totally love this lady. Wish I could be more like her xx

Uniden Digital Camera
Me and My Mama

11. King Crab Claws. Anything crab gives me great love. Love love love crab. Give me no other food but crab.

IMG_0049 7

12. My Bed. Seriously, I bloody love my bed. I may complain or whinge about sleeping so much but in all honesty, if there is any ‘side effect’ from chemo, sleep is the best. I have Elisian sheets, Canningvale quilt cover, freedom furniture king size bed, yes, I am very bed and linen obsessed.

IMG_0001

13. Books, any book. Give it to me. Give me Give me Give me books!

9780006479895

14. Internet. Love it. I can email friends, family, anyone. I can blog all kinds of ‘crap’ but the internet will forward it to someone who might want to read it πŸ™‚ Love it

15. My Past. Everyone always bitches and complains and are all embarrassed about their past but why? It made you who you are today…. I understand some people had really shitty crappy childhoods and they have every right to complain but mine was A OK.

16. Doctors and Medicine. Yep, they have saved my life. I am one boob down, have a kick arse scar but it is all to save my life. Chemotherapy to follow boobemectomy to ensure this cancer bitch doesn’t return…. I love modern research.

17. The Bold and the Beautiful. Yep, love it. I have taped it for years and have saved every Sunday to spend the day watching episode upon episode. Funny thing is, since I have been given 12 months off to recover from breast cancer, The Bold and the Beautiful has given me the shits. I’ll still continue to watch it but not record it πŸ™‚

18. Foxtel. Ok,Β  I have taken a while to get used to it and the only channel I really understood was the music channel but now I am getting to know more of the channels, I am learning there is more to like and appreciate. When you are on leave for a year or so, you will want to find something to entertain you the moment you are awake…

19. My Cousins. These amazing people who dont get together as often as we should, got together and organised a cleaner for Dr Hands and I. Dr Hands, he works full time, is a full time carer for me and looks after the house and food. The moment I learnt that my cousins got together and those who could contribute, organised a cleaner for us each fortnight for three months was beyond words. It is this kind of thought that really makes you feel loved. Knowing that people know that something as simple as housework is a lot for anyone going through this was amazing.

IMG_0216 2

20. Modern Day. Remember the old days when pregnant women would wear ‘sacks’ due to society and now they can wear crop tops and skinny pants? Well, cancer people can now get around with no hats or scarfs or ‘hair’ Now, preggos and cancer peeps can get around without the cover ups. I love this a lot.

20150605_153433

21. Cancer. Weird that would come in to the 23 things I love right but, now I know what cancer is, what it is like, how to deal with it. People ‘think’ they know cancer and how they would deal with it but until you have it, you know nothing. With my job, I will be more informed and educated it what my ‘client’ is going through. I will beat this bitch and get through it and be stronger for it.

22. My Family. I have a huge family and not all get along but when cancer comes along, we all get along. My huge family, well, they have come through thick and fast. I have an Auntie who knitted not only a square but a whole blanket that I constantly snuggle into on my bean bag. My cousins (and others) who have organised a cleaner for us for three months. Emails daily from a cousin to ensure I am A OK and doing alright. My family are amazing.

IMG_0014

23. Dr Hands. Sam Wilkinson. My Fiance. My Lover. My Everything. He is the one who can look at my face and know, know that I am well or not so well. He knows when I need to eat, drink, need medication, a hug, a kiss etc. I do not know how my man does it all but he does. He can look at me and know what I need, I can scream at him, cry with him, cuddle and beg and he still knows what I need. Without Dr Hands, I am sure I’d be ok but not as good as I am now and yesterday and tomorrow. He knows my needs, my wants and my requirements. I get angry at him and say some really shitty words but he brushes them by and gets on with life. Where would I be without Dr Hands?

IMG_0331 IMG_0040 5 IMG_0014

Uniden Digital Camera
Sailing our hire house boat and loving it πŸ™‚

Uniden Digital Camera
My Love, My Everything xx

The Straw ….

I’ve got cancer. Isn’t that enough to deal with in one year?

I’ll be honest right now. I have had a wee bit to drink. My preferred beverage is sparkling wine. It used to be known as champagne until the french said no, you can’t call it champagne unless it is from France but what ever, I am having bubbly stuff because boy, what a day.

When Sam (Dr Hands) and I built our beautiful home, I didn’t think life could get much better. We have a beautiful, brand new, super polished, enormous house built for a family of five (minimum) for the two of us. I kept thinking, this can’t be real, this cant be my life. Then, the day we got our keys, he got down on one knee and showed me he wanted to keep me in his life forever with a beautiful diamond engagement ring. Wow, I have the world!

The other amazing thing to have happened when we built our house was something from my inlaws. Sams mum and dad. Dad is not Sam’s sperm donor dad but has been Sam’s step father (I totally hate the step crap) for many years now so I think of them as mum and dad. They asked us to ensure we get income insurance. Being in the secure world of banking, I couldn’t see a need to be honest. My job was great. I work for a sensational bank and had recently been promoted. Sam, well, his job isn’t as secure as mine but in any case,Β  Sam and I both took out income insurance.

Who’d have known ‘we’ would need it so quickly.

This isn’t the reason for this post. This is a post I am writing but am not sure I will post. I will word it without any nasty words in case at the end of my drunken rant, I do hit the ‘publish’ button. But OMG, today has totally sucked.

Remember yesterday? I became bald. Sam and I had a ceremony to shave my head because the hair was coming out thick and fast. I hated the feel of the random hair on my arm, shoulder, face etc. Seeing a strand here and there on my keyboard was not enjoyable at all. So off it all came.

When I posted the blog and pics on facebook I was totally overwhelmed by the love, compassion and surprise even, of the comments left on my page. I know teenagers count on the ‘likes’ and ‘comments’ on facebook and it becomes ‘who they are’ but for me, well, it is a way to let my family and friends know whats going on. I think I blitzed any teenagers average likes from my bald head. I totally have an amazing group of people who support me and think I look A OK with no hair xx

I am so lucky and shall I say, gifted, to have so many family and friends who generally care about me. I can’t see a lot of my family regularly because I live 45 kilometers from the city, I never know when I am going to have a good day, they work, I sleep etc. I know my family and friends care. Remember the cousins booking a cleaner to look after me each fortnight for three months? My work buddies collecting so much money that there was a bag full of helpful PJ’s, shrugs, a beautiful glass house candle, vouchers and so much more, I am speechless with the people who have come forward to ‘help’ me through this cancer bizzo.

Then a bombshell comes along. Seriously, because stage 3 breast cancer isn’t enough. Losing a boob, facing six months of chemo, six months of radiotherapy and hormone crap isn’t enough. There is more.

He decides, oh, I know her (seeing me on someone elses facebook page) she is my daughter! Well, let me tell you Mr, I am NOT your daughter. I am my mums daughter. Thats it. There is no one else I am a daughter too. I am a daughter in law to my gorgeous and amazing soon to be in laws Sharon and Michael. But I am NOT your daughter and you have no right to call me that. My name is Amanda-Jayne Bailey. No where in that name do you appear.

This is how small South Australia is. I have an amazing set of neighbours across the road. As are the ones next door but today, we will focus on Nana and Poppy. Nana’s sister knows him. He, the sperm donor, recognised me from her face book and decided, oh, I should get in touch with her.

Um, well, you know I am in my mid forties right? You have had lots and lots of years to think of this. How is it that a picture, a photo, a facebook piece of crap is what it takes for you to remember, oh yeah thats right, I had a few kids way back when.

Well guess what shit head, you do not enter my head. You are nothing to me. Do not think for a moment my breast cancer, my fight for life is going to make me want to know you. You have had forty years to pop on by and say hi. You have had forty years to recognise me and my wonderful sister as your kids.

I have breast cancer and in my opinion, that is easier to deal with that hearing from my neighbours sister that you are kinda interested in getting to know me. Well, F*ck You. How about when I was healthy? How about when I gave birth to your grandchild? And dont even think she will want to know you because she has two amazing grandmothers, a great grandma, aunts and uncles all over the place and more love that you’ll ever know.

I love that my neighbour came to me with this news. It was hard for her. I could tell. My great neighbour who, nothing fazes was totally out of her comfort zone had to give me this news. Then I spoke to her equally amazing sister to discuss this. What really makes me angry is that Adelaide is so little. So small that you still didn’t ever, in all of these years, take the time to come find me. To better yourself and be a man. Still, you have to take the easy way out and get someone else to do your dirty work.

I really hope you read this and see the person you are. The person you have always been.

Well, I have a man in my life who is 110% better than you. My soon to be father in law loves me to bits and pieces. He has loved me and seen me cry and walked me through my breast cancer,my tough times being a mum, my joy with our new home etc. He has what you will never have. He has my love.

Leave me be. Let me love my man, my family, my in laws and more than anything, dont you ever, ever try to contact my daughter. She knows you from my sister and myself what you are like. We haven’t had to exaggerate.Β  She has no time for the person you are. Leave her be too, to love her partner Stacey, to be a big sister to her siblings and enjoy the love from genuine people.

Let me fight my cancer. Let me aim for the sky and get healthy, married, loved, smile and live.

Let me appologise to the people you have made uncomfortable and have made come to see me and pass on your bullshit message. Leave them be. Leave it all be. You do not belong in my life.

I do not need you, just like you dont need me. Do not converse about me at your ‘local’. I am not a part of your world. Let me go. Let me be.

I am a daughter to one person only, and that is my Mum. A woman you never deserved. A woman who gave you two wonderful daughters who you didn’t care for and daughters who now, do not count you as a part of their lives apart from being a sperm donor. That is all you are to me.

Be gone.

Tonight is the last night you will ever have the power to make me cry!

You do not belong in my life.