What Summer Said….

Sorry for a double up of posts today but I had to tell you about my quick conversation with Summer today.

You remember my four year old friend Summer right? Well, she popped over today with a delivery of jumpers for me from her Nan and we had a bit of a chat, we played with Brady (big white dog) and it was almost time for her to go when she realised I wasn’t wearing Miss Fluff (fake boob).

She asks me where my boob is today? I explained I couldn’t be bothered with it and went without it.

Then she asks if she can have a quick look. I said, not today Summer and if you know Summer the way I do, she doesn’t take the NO very well so she had the hands on her hips, scowl on her face and said in a very matter of fact voice, Just a quick look please.

Show I gave her a quick and brief look.

‘You have a crack in you!’ was her comment.

My scar is now a crack.

Summer had quite the giggle about this and off she ran home.

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Step Aside Cancer – Kelly Needs Me!

When Kelly and I first met, we didn’t hit it off very well. In fact, we had very little time or patience for each other. She figured that because she was in Sams life first, she deserved the majority of his attention. It was a battle that went on for quite some time. When I got up off the sofa, she would quickly take my spot, putting her ‘hands’ on Sams leg, letting me know that her love for him was so much better than my love for him. That Sam was HERS first.

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After time, Kelly and I became friends and now, our love is immeasurable. Lately she has been hurting but she doesn’t like to complain so once we realised exactly how bad she was, we whisked her off to her doctor to find out what was upsetting her. Turns out she has terrible yeast infections deep into each ear canal, spreading to her ear flaps. Surgery followed the next day and upon collection, Kelly came straight to me and rested her sore and sorry head into my lap, looking up at me with her super sad eyes.

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There are going to be quite a few weeks of sad eyes from our girl as she has twice daily drops in each ear, creams and tablets. It is so hard when our furry ones are poorly but rest assured, Kelly will be getting even more cuddles and gentle scratches than usual.

Can’t wait until our girl is back to her smiling, happy self.

O…….M………G……..

So, I was just sitting here minding my own business and in walks Dr Hands himself. The man who not only discovered my breast cancer with those wonderful (and annoying) hands of his but has nursed me back to health after the removal of my breast and 1st ‘spa’ session.

Upon entering the lounge room, he smiles lovingly at me and says….

“What’s Up Blubber?”

WHAT! DID! YOU! JUST! CALL! ME!??

The poor guys face fell when he realised what he had just called me.

I was absolutely mortified. I couldn’t speak.

Now that I am thinking of the scene that just occurred, I am in a fit of giggles but at the time, WOWZA!

Turns out he had joined up Lover and Bubba, both words he uses a lot when talking to me.

I think I’ll just have a salad for dinner tonight ………

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All Smiles Again

O. M. G.

I just had the biggest and loudest laugh!

Watching Max Music now and number 66 out of the 100 Best Music Videos was….

David Lee Roth – Just a Gigilo/Aint Got Nobody

I have loved this song forever but never have I seen the film clip. What a hoot! If I had had the energy, I would have been dancing along with him throughout the whole song. If you haven’t seen or heard the song, I say, get your ears around it soon because it is a good fun song, like the other one I was talking about yesterday but this one is from the 80’s.

Now, back to cleaning the mouse poop out from under the kitchen sink. Bet you wish you were me right now??

Oh wow, just before I was about to hit ‘publish’ – on comes another great one!

Number 64 is Robert Palmer – Addicted to Love

Remember this one? The women in black with the red lipstick and long legs…… today is turning out not so bad….

No sympathy needed – just a quick cry

Today I cried.

I woke early and no, that is not what made me cry. There seemed to be a lot of noise in the ‘village’ today so up I got at the ripe old time of 7am. I felt good. I felt hungry and hungry for more than just potato chips so up I got, coffee machine on, griller on and off I went. Toast with coffee and barocca. No headache or nausea tablets needed thanks.

Still no reason to cry.

On went the TV to my favourite hit music channel and all my favourite songs are playing, one after the other.  There was that new one from Taylor Swift – Bad Blood, then the cute one from Ed Sheeran with the clips of him as a little kid, my current favourite song of the moment by Andy Grammar – Honey I’m Good. I was bopping along loving life and then it happened.

Tears.

Not just a tear here or there but a flood of them. WTF? Where did these come from? They weren’t stopping anytime soon either. They just kept coming.

The thing is, I wasn’t crying for me. There was no, why me or, I am addicted to the cancer drugs give me more, or pity me poor me etc. I was just crying. And no, I am not addicted to any of the medications.

My crying went on for three songs. So whats that? About 12 minutes I think.

I cried for Sam for having to put up and deal with this crap.

I cried for my daughter and my mum for having to worry about me instead of loving and enjoying every moment of life.

I cried for my friends and family who love and care and worry for me.

I even cried for my dogs for not having a fun mummy as they were peacefully sleeping on the sofa when I had specifically asked them to stop sleeping on the sofa.

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I cried for the messy en-suite. Dirty floors. Empty coffee cup.

Finally, after my three songs, I stopped and am now back to normal. It was weird and I know, you, the reader may think, or even say, you are entitled to cry. The thing is, I haven’t really done this crying thing since the diagnosis. I have had a tear and a cuddle with my man here and there but those sobs from this morning, wow, that was out there.

Now that it is done, another favourite song is on, Ellie Goulding – Love me like you do.

So, while I listen to this song, I’ll phone the vet and book Kelly in to have her bubble ear looked at and get on with my day.

My smile is back 🙂

Thanks for listening

Being a Brat!

This morning I woke to nothing. No angry phone calls from Dr Hands telling me to get up and drink and eat. No text messages from Dr Hands asking if I was up yet? No dogs barking. Nothing. It was quiet, peaceful, perfect. The time? 9:40am.

Wow, so no wake up from Dr Hands this morning at 5am like I expected after yesterdays debacle. I was expecting a plate full of food to be shoved in my face at 5am with a bucket of water to drink and a few tablets to ward off nausea and headaches but nope, nothing.

I felt liberated. I stretched and then realised that still kinda hurts (remember, breast and lymph nodes removal?), I curled back up in my gorgeous and amazing bed and then felt the rumblings of the double dose of coloxal + senna to make me poop. I had taken a double dose last night because it has been a few days since the old pooper has been in action and wow, hello to four days worth of poop! It was disgusting.

Moving on…

I wandered out into the kitchen to put the coffee machine on and noticed the dogs had had full run of the house and were tucked up on MY SOFA!  HMPH! I had put a fresh clean sheet on my sofa yesterday and fluffed up pillows and had a blanket there ready for last night and today when I needed a change of scenery from bed and wanted something a little fresher smelling than the usual dog smelling sofa.

Well, that effort was totally wasted because Kelly had not only been sleeping on this all morning but had cleaned her feet while laying there and left big wet splotches all over the sofa. This was a little message from Sam. I know it was. He would normally have the dogs up the other end of the house with the hallway door shut so as to not disturb me. Not today.

After making my coffee, catching up on emails, still smiling to myself because I didn’t need Dr Hands to be at my beck and call and I could look after myself, I started to feel a bit sick in my stomach. So I made another coffee and prepared a barocca.

These didn’t make me feel better either. I was a bit shaky, bit nauseas, bit dizzy and all I could hear in my head was Dr Hands asking

“How much water have you had today? What did you have for breakfast today? Water. Food. WATER! FOOD!”

Ugh, even in my head he is demanding and bossy. I walked into the pantry (yup, I have the most awesomest pantry in the world) and picked up a packet of potato chips. I am old enough to decide what I want for breakfast and if I want potato chips, then that is exactly what I’ll have!

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I dont feel well.

Sam is such a know all. He’ll know straight away, he probably knows right now, that I am feeling like crap simply because I didn’t do as he told me to and get up to eat a good and nutritious breakfast. Like seriously! Who made him GOD!!??  Even if he doesn’t read this blog, which he probably wont, he’ll know? Why can’t I think like a grown up and prepare something a little more nutritious than potato chips and coffee for breakfast?

My Auntie just rang  (Lyn) to check up on me and I said to her that sometimes Sam gets a bit cranky at me because I can be a bit of a brat and you know what she said? Oh, I can’t imagine you being a brat…. and there was soooooo much sarcasm coming through the phone that it almost drowned me.

So, now I know that I must and should eat something nutritious but all I feel like is ice cream. I am going to be one of those fat, bald, one boobed cancer patients. Yep, totally am and no one can stop me… well, until Sam gets home anyway 🙂

I failed as a patient today :(

So, how would you react if Dr Hands was standing above you at 5am asking if you wanted him to make you breakfast now or leave it to make yourself at a more respectable hour? I am sure, like me, you would thank him kindly for the offer and then tell him to get out and let you sleep a little longer. I am of an age when I can, and have, looked after myself before.

Imagine my surprise when the phone rang at 10am, waking me from another wonderful action packed dream, with Sam on the other end of the phone telling me that yes, he knew he couldn’t trust me to get up and feed myself and how he should have made me get up at 5am and that I am not doing myself any favours sleeping through breakfast and not rehydrating myself blah blah blah.

I did drag myself up, fed and watered myself, popped some pills and went back to bed at midday. Geez, talk about being bossed about!

Another bossy boots rang me today as she does everyday at 5:30pm, my mum. She always likes to check up on me to see that I am doing ok and today I told her I was tugging at my hair and eyebrows once in a while to see how well they are staying in. Mum then realised that yes, not only will my hair fall out but also my eyebrows and eyelashes. I explained to her that yes, they will fall out with my hair and I’ll end up looking like, well, a cancer patient.  Imagine that? Mum started talking about fake eyelashes and drawing on eyebrows and ended up in a fit of giggles. Geez, I love my mum 🙂

Todays Cravings

Ice-Cream! Fulfilled with a white chocolate magnum yum yum

Potato Chips – Fulfilled with small packet of smiths original potato chips

Lemonade – Had a can of this

Today’s feelings

Tiredness

Headachey (mild)

Nausea (very mild)

Hunger

Ear Ache

I don’t think I want to call the feelings – side effects – anymore. The thing is, this is how I feel. Each time I call it a side effect, it reminds me that I am doing this cancer fighting bizzo and when I am tired, I don’t want to think about cancer and chemo. I end up in a circle of confused and negative thoughts by thinking of all the horrible ‘C’ words therefore, by taking out the words ‘side effects’ and changing them to ‘feelings’, it keeps everything a bit simpler.

It isn’t as though I am trying to forget that I am fighting the breast cancer battle and having a few sessions with the ol’ chemo, but I don’t want to be dwelling on it.

Five More Minutes……

I am terrible at being woken up. Always have been and always will be. If there is a chance to get another five minutes sleep, I’ll find it, beg for it and take it.

Imagine how poor Sam is going having to wake me constantly to drink, take tablets, eat etc. I just want five more minutes sleep please! But Amanda, you have been asleep for six hours, just get up for five minutes, have some water and tablets and then you can go back to sleep.

This is a daily conversation for Sam and I and I am only at day four post chemo. Yeah I know, I wrote Post Chemo Day 3 on my last post, lets just say that along with waking up, thinking isn’t a strong suit of mine right now.

Anyway, Sam and I knew that with him returning to work today, there would be the high possibility of me being in the same position in bed when he returned from work as when he left. This cancer fighting superhero stuff really does take it out of you so we came up with a great plan. Get me up before Sam goes to work to ensure I have eaten my breakfast, taken my tablets, had my water etc. Thats all well and good in theory but Sam wakes at 4am! Thankfully he didn’t wake me until 5am and I think I was so confused by everything, there was no argument for five minutes more. I was too stunned and just seemed to get up and out of bed obediently.

Of course I was back in bed as soon as my breakfast had been shoved down my throat. It really is hard to find an appetite at 5am but I know that if I don’t obey, I wont eat until Sam returns from work at about 2:30pm. Apparently that is not good for my fighting superhero powers so I shall continue to obey as much as I can.

Sam rang from work at about 10ish to instruct me to drink water and take tablets he had left next to the bed, told me he loved me and made me smile. Instead of rolling back over for more sleep, I got up and here I still am, an hour later, up and about.

Have had a little chat with my mate Summer across the road who I found putting a little handmade gift into my letterbox for me, have answered a few emails, unloaded and reloaded the dishwasher and had very in depth conversations with Brady and Kelly (My dogs).

So, what now? I don’t know to be honest. I don’t need to eat for a while. Have had my fill of water. The house is opened wide and bringing in beautiful fresh air, showing me blue skies through the windows…. how about I just enjoy the day.

This is the view from my backyard where I can sit and enjoy the world……

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Today I will stay awake a little longer, spend time in the sunshine with my dogs, maybe even try and finish that darn book by George Orwell 1984 and wait for my man to come home.

Side effects are as follows –

– nausea but only very mild and controlled by medication

– tingling scalp which isn’t really a side effect

– sneezing regularly. I am assuming my nose hairs are ready to fall out causing me to sneeze – am ready for that nose hair fur ball!

– headaches but like the nausea, mild. Having said that, I am taking tremadol for the headaches because I just couldn’t get rid of them with plain old panadol. The headaches are bearable with the tremadol but not without.

– tiredness of course, just five more minutes …..zzzzzzzzzz

Post Chemo Day 3

I think I have done very little since my 1st time having chemo. I have slept a lot but I have also done a wee bit of thinking.

One of these thoughts is hair loss. We all know it is going to happen when every doctor, oncologist and nurse tells you it WILL happy to you and I have also been fine about the idea. Who cares if I lose my hair, I am saving my life.

Well, what about my nose hairs? You know those little hairs up your nose?

My image is something like this. I inhale a big breath one night and wake up coughing up a big nose hair fur ball!

So, that is my main concern at the moment. I’ll let you know how I go with that.

As far as the side effects from chemo, there haven’t been too many. Obviously I am only at day three but I am so darn tired. All of the time. A persistent headache. Thirst.

My gorgeous mum came up today but I simply couldn’t say awake longer than about 2 and a half hours but it was so lovely to see her. Once I had gone to bed she had cleaned the floors of our home for me. I personally think she wanted to use my gorgeous new(ish) electrolux vacuum cleaner but boy, she did a great job.

So I have now been up for one hour (since Sam came home), I have been fed and watered and pilled and already I feel like I could go back to bed. I will curl up on the sofa for a while though.

Sam did the shopping list for post chemo today which included my gorgeous teddy bear hat because we are heading into Winter in Australia here so we are thinking I am going to be having a chilly head.

Baby Shampoo was also on the list for the bald head according to the oncology nurse.

Baby soap. No more pretty smelling fancy soap for my body for a while.

Mouth gel in case of mouth ulcers.

Hydralyte. These are in the freezer ready for the day when I find it hard to drink water. PS: no problems with that right now.

Water glass with Horn attached. We built quite a big house and I can’t yell out to Sam (not that I have found a need to) but now I have a horn loud enough to let even the neighbours know I might need a drink or some company.

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Delivery for Amanda…?

So, the doorbell rings AGAIN today and thankfully Sam is home to answer it. A very masculine voice says, delivery for Amanda Bailey? Sam says, yep, she lives here and before I know it, Sam enters our bedroom with arms full of pressies!

Bloody Gilda. I bet Gilda has lavished all of these gifts on me and sure enough, amongst all the gifts was a gorgeous card not just for me but for Sam too.

As you can see we were delivered a gorgeous succulent plant, Sams favourite beer, my favourite bubbles and a gorgeous scarfy hat thing for baldies like I am going to be! As you can see it looks quite fetching on my I think.

Thank you so very much Gilda, that was indeed a lovely surprise and we both very much appreciate the though fullness.

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