The New Boob – Part 1

Please be advised I have permission from my husband to post the photo at the end of the post of my ‘war zone’ post breast removal – pre boob reconstruction site.  🙂

 

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Here is a photo of my gorgeous daughter who never fails to make me smile whether I am in her presence or simply just thinking about her….. so, lets start my New Boob blog part 1

Right, this is the start of a multi part series on my new boob.

My aim is to cover a few things.

  1. Why do I want to reconstruct my breast?
  2. Why don’t I want to reconstruct my breast?
  3. What does the ‘bomb site’ look like right now?
  4. How is it going to be reconstructed?
  5. The high price of private health insurance in Australia. Are you totally covered?
  6. The physical, mental and financial pain
  7. Working for an understanding company
  8. The support from co-workers
  9. Some other ramblings in my head

It has been over two years since I lost my left breast to stage three breast cancer. Now, it is time for a new and improved model to move on in.

There will be no technical terms going on in this post, or even future posts because seriously, who can remember all this mumbo jumbo the surgeons and doctors and anaesthetists use so I shall be me and use normal words and terms.

Thankfully, I was strong enough to lose the weight required by Mr Kollias who so delicately demanded I lose (You are too fat, I can’t work with this (as he grabs my stomach and wobbles it up and down and round and round) he says to me on a few occasions). Thankfully I have no feelings and his words have no emotional effect on me. This is one thing I really do like about my surgeon. The actual thing about him finding it difficult to work on me wasn’t so much about me being fat but that I was ‘solid fat’ and not ‘floppy fat’. It is easier and tidier to work with floppy fat as opposed to solid fat.

I initially really struggled with making the decision to have my breast reconstruction because, get this, I didn’t want to lose my new body. The flat left side where my cancerous breast used to live suddenly became a really important part of me. The scar and little plump fake cleavage is something that I have actually grown to love. I don’t love having to wear a prosthetic everyday in my bra as it can get quite warm and cumbersome and now that my body has changed, the prosthetic breast (called Dolly) and the right saggy baggy boobie just don’t match. No one else can tell and I know this but I can tell and it looks bloody stupid but, it is me. The new and improved me. So, why do I need to change it?

Anyhoo, I really wasn’t sure I wanted to put myself through more surgery, pain, financial strain (I am going to get to this bit a little later) and the time off work.

My new husband, the man who has seen me through all of this breast cancer bizzo, had a serious talk with me (that is a very rare thing in my household) about having this surgery. He said, and he is right, that it would be a very beneficial thing for me to do for my mental state. He sees how uncomfortable I am if he walks in on me in the shower, when I get up in the morning (yep, am a nudie rudie sleeper), and when I am braless.

Usually, I don’t give a hoot what people think about me, of my dress sense (or lack there off), the car I drive, what my hair looks like and even some of the things that come out of my mouth. It has surprised me that I am still, after two years, uncomfortable being naked in front of the man who has been with me through thick and thin, good times and bad, in sickness and in health – o hang on, this isn’t my wedding blog hehe. But you see where I am going with this don’t you?

I really had a long think about what he had to say (again, a rare thing in this household hehe) and he is right (I know! Strange hey?). I do need to do this for me and my mental health. I know I am not going to be looking like I was before and that is definitely not what I am after. My goal here is not to replace what was taken from me.

What I am after is a feeling of balance (hehe) and comfort. The new breast is going to be built from the fat from my stomach. There will be no implants or expanders because I feel I have more than enough recourses in my body to create what I need here.

Before anyone gets on their moral high horse and decides to have a go at me about the implant/expander thing… I have absolutely no issues with either of them at all. In fact, pre-cancer life, I had considered having implants to give my girls the much needed lift they required, so shut up and get back in your box! There is nothing to get all huffy about.

Anyway, back to what I was saying, the fat is coming from my stomach to build my new left boob. This occurs on the 22nd of June.

Before that, I am into surgery for my Mr Kollias to clamp two arteries in my groin in preparation for the big kahuna surgery. This is what I am actually most worried about. Cutting open my groin on either side to clamp arteries and stitching me back up scares the bajeebus out of me. How painful does that sound? Anyone who has had severe period pain will be nodding their head right now. So, that is a five to six day recovery apparently. This will only be day surgery though which is a nice thought.

The next surgery, the big bazooka boob surgery, will be the 22nd of June. This is where the fat from my stomach will some how be schimmied up to my chest and a new boob will appear. I get a tummy tuck “Thrown in as a bonus in the deal” and a wiz bang new belly button.

Oh the haters are hating right now!

Enter – Lucky you have no feelings Mrs Wilkinson – because, as Mr Kollias examined me a few weeks ago, he confirmed my fat stomach was floppy enough to do the surgery with, my two year cancer check was clear, my lymphedema was being managed but, there was a problem with Miss Right Boob.

‘Oh, we can’t leave the right breast like THAT!’ where his words, ‘Oh, I’ll have to do something here’ he says has he flattens the breast, pulls at the skin, shakes his head. I really do wish to remind him sometimes that I am laying here WITH this breast attached to me! Sometimes I wonder if he forgets there is a person attached to the breasts he works on. Thankfully he and I have been friends since day two of cancer (just over two years now) so I can take his chatter.

That means, rightie is getting a make over too. She will be plumped up and made a little younger and prettier again. Another little bonus of this whole cancer crap I guess.

Here is the potentially uncomfortable image that may offend some viewers. This is my ‘love’. My part of the body I have grown to love and cherish, hide and feel ashamed off. This is the ‘war zone’ where the potential killer lay waiting to do its job before it was destroyed by the Army consisting of many people but the man out front was Mr Kollias, he was at the front line, taking out the bad guys and saving my life.

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I shall finish this part 1 segment of ‘my new boob’ with the following

  1. A tummy tuck is NOT A GREAT BONUS (I had cancer you idiot, the only bonus is life!)
  2. Having a minimum of six weeks recovery will NOT be a welcome break from work you fool! (I had almost a year off work trying to beat this bitch called cancer!)
  3. Income insurance will NOT keep our mortgage, bills, hospitalization, medicines, animal food, people food, general living expenses covered
  4. Having perky breasts is also NOT A BONUS. I would take my pre cancer life back any day thank you (dickhead!)
  5. No, having a ‘boob job’ or ‘reconstruction’ does not make it all worth it.
  6. Private Health Insurance will NOT cover the costs of this (further information on this will be covered in Part 2)

 

Interesting Information

The following information is taken from the website www.breastcancer.org

Once you take tissue from a donor site on the body, such as the belly, it can’t be used again for breast reconstruction. So if you’re thinking about prophylactic removal and reconstruction of the other breast, you might want to make that decision before you decide on reconstruction. If you have TRAM flap reconstruction on one breast and then later need reconstruction on your other breast, tissue for the second, later reconstruction will have to come from your buttocks, inner thighs, or back. Or you can have reconstruction with an implant.

Because skin, fat, muscle, and blood vessels are moved from the belly to the chest, having a TRAM flap means your belly will be flatter and tighter — as if you had a tummy tuck. Still, a TRAM flap does leave a long horizontal scar — from hipbone to hipbone — about one-third of the way between the top of your pubic hair and your navel. In most cases, the scar is below your bikini line. After the skin and fat are removed from your belly, your surgeon may place an artificial mesh material to cover the area where the muscle was removed and then close the abdomen. If mesh is used, it stays there permanently. Your navel is then brought back out through a separate incision and reshaped.

Step Aside Cancer – Kelly Needs Me!

When Kelly and I first met, we didn’t hit it off very well. In fact, we had very little time or patience for each other. She figured that because she was in Sams life first, she deserved the majority of his attention. It was a battle that went on for quite some time. When I got up off the sofa, she would quickly take my spot, putting her ‘hands’ on Sams leg, letting me know that her love for him was so much better than my love for him. That Sam was HERS first.

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After time, Kelly and I became friends and now, our love is immeasurable. Lately she has been hurting but she doesn’t like to complain so once we realised exactly how bad she was, we whisked her off to her doctor to find out what was upsetting her. Turns out she has terrible yeast infections deep into each ear canal, spreading to her ear flaps. Surgery followed the next day and upon collection, Kelly came straight to me and rested her sore and sorry head into my lap, looking up at me with her super sad eyes.

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There are going to be quite a few weeks of sad eyes from our girl as she has twice daily drops in each ear, creams and tablets. It is so hard when our furry ones are poorly but rest assured, Kelly will be getting even more cuddles and gentle scratches than usual.

Can’t wait until our girl is back to her smiling, happy self.

Happy Boobectimy Eve

What does someone do the night before their boob is removed from their body? Well, for me, I enjoy lovely visitors, phone calls, tests and facebook/blog messages. I am enjoying a glass of bubbles which will be followed by another but not too many. I need to wake up really early, like, before midday to ensure I eat before my fasting time of 12:30. I will then not eat until goodness knows when. Yes, I am concerned about the fasting period more than the boobectimy because I will be hungry. And, I can’t have any fluids from 4:30pm. Yes! That’s right! No bubbles, I mean water, after 4:30pm. What if the operation before me goes over time? I will be hungry AND thirsty and will be able to nothing about it except complain and no one else will care too much because THEY will be able to eat and drink what ever they want because it isn’t them having an operation, it’s me!!

Ok, let us reflect on lefties life before we bid her farewell tomorrow night, at 7pm… never to be seen again.

Hmmmm, well, that’s about all the reflecting I can do because leftie hasn’t really been known for much in her life. She just popped out one day when I was pregnant. She was quite the shy boob, not wanting to pop out too early and gave me many sleepless nights as a teenager just wishing for her and rightie to come on out, show their mounds beneath my top.  So, by the time she arrived, I was distracted with pregnancy and then a new born and no, leftie did nothing to nourish the newborn so she can’t even have that title. She was just ‘there’.

How do I feel about everything that is happening tomorrow? Well, in all honesty, I am ready to have it done, be rid of the cancer and soon, get back to my other life, the one I was happily having before I found out I had cancer. I imagine I’ll be a wee bit frightened as they wheel me down the corridor for surgery and I might even do a ‘movie moment’ of holding out my hand to my mum and Sam as I disappear behind the swinging doors…… bright fluro lights blinding me as they inject the anesthetic.

Ooooh sorry about that, I kind of got carried away with myself there but truly, I am ok right now.  I will also be ok tomorrow. I’ll be a little scared at 7ish tomorrow night and then, I’ll wake up lop sided and hungry.

Thank you to everyone for their wonderful thoughts and good wishes.  I should be back on Tuesday talking about what it is like to be lop sided 🙂