Thinking of the year that was….

I started 2015 with a smile on my face. I was so happy and fortunate and loved.

Thankfully, I am ending this year with a smile on my face because I am happy, fortunate and loved.

Ok, there was a bump on the way.

We got over the bump.

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I have been made aware of so many things this year. The first thing being that Sam is there for me, through sickness and in health. He was there for me each and every day to ensure I was loved, fed, clean, medicated and positive. Sam made me laugh, took in all of the medical information, made learning about breast cancer his project and even sang silly songs to me. He drove me to each and every chemotherapy appointment, surgeon appointment, many of the radiation appointments and the endless trips to the chemist.

I have made new friends, been reunited with old friends, lost a couple of friends, felt the love of so many wonderful people. I have seen amazing and selfless sides of many people as well.

Naturally, I can’t name each and every person who has touched my heart this year but please know, you probably are one of them.

I started the year with two boobs, a head of long hair, a little lighter but I am ending this year with more knowledge, empathy, understanding and patience than I had at the beginning. I now know the amazing lengths people go to too help someone facing a very frightening illness. I have been incredibly fortunate to have an amazing group of people surrounding me.

I didn’t get cancer this year. I was diagnosed this year. According to my surgeon, the cancer had been in my body for a couple of years. I will not see 2015 as ‘the year I got cancer’ but it will be the year that Sam and I fought the disease in my body as far as I am concerned, we won.

The biggest standout of the year is pretty obvious to me. It was being told I had breast cancer. Everything that followed those words happened so fast and there was always something going on weather it was surgery, drains, those bloody dreadful and shitty hemorrhoids, nausea, fatigue, chemotherapy, baldness, radiation therapy, burns, blisters, but it was my ultra sound and mammogram appointment that I’ll never forget.

Do you make New Year Resolutions? I am a bit wishy washy when it comes to them but this year I have a long list of health related changes for my new year. Be warned, I am giving up alcohol. Blogs may actually start to make sense hehe.

There will be less processed foods, goodbye to sugar, hello to daily activity (I have the neighbours exersize bike in my lounge room ready and waiting), and I am going to smile a lot! I will continue with my positive attitude, growing salads and vegetables, drinking a lot of water and helping anyone who needs it.

This New Years Eve will be spent with our lovely neighbours at what I am hoping, will be the 1st of many street/neighbourhood parties.

My thoughts this year will be with health of my amazing family and friends, feeling proud of the amazing daughter I have, loving that amazing man of mine, drinking my last drink for a while and enjoying the fact I am here to celebrate another New Year.

Thank you to everyone for being with me this year either in person or in writing and your thoughts.

I wish you all a very Happy and Healthy New Year.

Much love………

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My Amazing Saturday

My amazing Saturday is thanks to so many people. I am imagining myself, right now, on a pedestal (this will not surprise anyone who knows me) giving the speak on a particular day of the week that was amazing.

Lets start with Saturday morning.

Well, I lay in bed until 11am due to a kick arse hangover thanks to Brady. He didn’t know when to tell me when to stop. So I drank and drank and drank and he said nothing. He just loved me like he always does.

Here is Brady for those of you that don’t know him.

IMG_0003I am posting this photo because he is not aloud on the sofa. He only does this when I am drinking and I find it so cute and adorable and instead of telling him to get off the sofa, I take photos of him instead 🙂

So anyhoo, I finally got out of bed with said hangover, had a shower, listened to Sam talk AT me about being hungover and then I had a guest visitor by the name of Uncle Mark.

No, he is not my Uncle but is my daughters Uncle on her fathers side. Did you get that? Anyway, he has always been ‘Uncle Mark’ to me since Accalia (said daughter) was born which is 22 years now. He came to visit me 🙂 He drove all the way from the other side of town, battled the city road works (he is not a patient driver) and headed up to the country and not only did he visit but he had a gift for me too.

Oh, this is Uncle Mark and my gorgeous daughter on her 18th Birthday.

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Anyhoo, like I was saying, he also bought me a present. It was wrapped in gorgeous green wrapping paper and was kind of the shape of a box. I totally thought he had bought me a puppy but this was not to be. The only thing better than a puppy is ……….BUBBLES!

And not just one bottle of Jacobs Creek Trilogy Sparkling Wine but 6 of the amazing bottles!! SIX BOTTLES!! My eye balls nearly popped out of my head! Thank you Uncle Mark not only for coming all this way to visit Sam and I but also for the bubbles, funny stories, laughs and chats. It was great to see you and can’t wait to see you and your team on Friday 🙂 *special mention to Veronica **Aka Bez, Berry, Bezalicious** for confirming to Uncle Mark what it is that I drink gallons off xx

The Wedding!

Seriously, this was a beautiful and amazing wedding. They all are I know I know but this one was different for me.

This wedding I was going there as a bald, burnt and cancer recovering woman with pretty finger nails and amazing Fiancee. 1st stop was to book a love shack, I mean, hotel room, because this wedding was well over an hour away from where we live. Thankfully, cousin Linda and her hubby Reuben were on hand to collect us from the side of the road and take us to the wedding. Check out the Bride and Groom. Tell me she doesn’t look like Princess Mary!!?? OMG, totally gorgeous couple and totally cute baby Isabella-Rose!

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I asked bride Tania to give me a royal wave and she did. The groom is my cousin Andrew Martin and obviously, their gorgeous baby is my 2nd cousin. I could just gobble her up. Look at her walking down the aisle.

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I had received so many hugs and kisses from my amazing and supportive family that I had to remind myself that this day was NOT about me but about the gorgeous and newly married couple.

My poor suffering but loving Sam was there by my side. He not only was by my side but could tell when it was a bit too much and I needed air or a rest. He really is amazing. Sam isn’t the most social person, and would much prefer to be at home but suffers through my begging and pleading that I do every so often to join me in these events.

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Here we are, two amazing people who have had a pretty trying year and two people who are going to be looking at their health and well being in the new year. hehe

You know how at weddings, there is the bridal dance, and then the father daughter dance and then everyone dances…. well, I am used to sitting these out but blow me down but did my man hold his hand out and offer the dance to me. I almost cried. I can’t do that though because it might mess up my eye make up LOL. That is a joke because I have no eye lashes or eyemake up. Anyhoo, cousin Linda took this photo which I absolutely love!

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Ok, I might look like an Alien and I have never ever seen Sam smile in a photo (Thanks Linda for getting him at the right moment) (He was giving my cousin Linda the finger!) but I love it. He asked me to dance!

Speaking of my cousin Linda…. Well, it turns out that she stayed right until the end of the night just for me. I was having a hoot of a time, even though I got a little tired occasionally (from my amazing Beyonce dancing) and her husband (who is a truck driver and had only had 1/2 hour sleep before the wedding) was sleeping in the car, she let me have a good time. Both Linda and Sam were happy for me to enjoy my night and they didn’t end it soon as I am sure they had both wanted too.

Oh, check out this gorgeous photo of my mum and I. Thank you to Sam for taking it 🙂

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Here is my cousin Tamara (Sister of the groom) and I. Keep in mind it is the end of the night and my eyes and skin have turned a bit yellow/orange.

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At the end of the night, Cousin Linda with sleepy husband Reuben drove Sam and I back to our hotel room and Granny hitched a lift. Now, I recon Granny is about 86 years old (possibly a year or two older) and after Sam had HOISTERED her into the four wheel drive, we set off. I happened to mention an incident that occurred when I was about 6 or so.

Keep in mind that our Granny has 13 Grandchildren and I dont know how many great grandchildren. Anyway, So I say, hey Gran, remember when you smacked me for My Sister cracking her head open?

Without a beat Granny says to me, Well I told you NOT to go out the gate but you did and you went to Mr Smalls house next door. Wowza, transported back to being a kid and I almost burst into bloody tears waiting for a smack. Granny was not a bit smacker but I got a smack for this and told to wait outside while my sister, Annette, was fixed up. That woman, Granny, is absolutely bloody amazing.

This is Granny. (thank you Ali for letting me take the photo you took of her, oh, Ali, do you mind if I use this pic?)

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I think it is safe to say that I had an amazing time at the wedding. I had even sent a message to the bride and groom prior to the wedding day asking if it was ok for me to be bald at their wedding. They lovingly said they didn’t care if I was bald or hairy so that made me feel a whole lot better.

Thanks to chemo, I seem to have entered early menopause and this causes a lot of hot flushes and having anything on my head is more of an irritant than anything else. Anyway, I don’t need to look at myself while attending events so it works well. I just have to be ready when I see any photos that yes, that is me looking like the alien.

Thankfully I am comfortable being bald and find it more pleasurable and comfortable than anything else. My amazing friend Kathy Tilling has sent me her wig in case I need it and I have many scarfs for head coverings. I am incredibly fortunate but for the time being, bald is best 🙂

This weekend has been incredible. I think it may take me a week to get over the dancing, drinking, laughter and happy tears but it will have all been worth it to see an amazing couple unite as one.

Thank you again Uncle Mark for your visit and very thoughtful gift.

Thank you to the ‘Royal Couple’ for having us attend such a beautiful and amazing event.

Thank you to mum for taking me out the day before for a bit of pampering.

Thank you to Linda and Roobs for the lifts to and from the event, to Linda for the laughs and chats (Sam said he is really not that quiet, he just couldn’t get a bloody word in between you and I hehe), Roobs for sleeping in the car to make sure I had a good time.

Most of all, thank you to my Sam (Dr Hands) for being there by my side, for taking some photos for me, looking out for me, piling me with bubbles, dancing with me and loving me.

 

 

The Truth Today – and a Slight Discussion on Farts

Last Thursday, 8 days ago, I had the worst chemo ever.

What interested me the most is my Oncologist (who I think is amazing) told me that I may need panadol to help relieve some of the bone pain related to the new chemo drugs I was about to be given.

What a load of crap he was talking. I mean, I know people have their tollerances and stuff but shit, panadol? After 5 days being bed ridden, not sleeping but not awake, can’t eat and new hemorrhoids arriving, headache and skull pain that I have never felt in my life, panadol was NOT WORKING.

So, you probably got the gist in my previous post about all that and am now on Endone for pain, Coloxal + Senna to help with consitpation, Anusol for Hemorrhoids, Panadol to help with the Endone, Anti depressants because, well, this isn’t a walk in the park and a couple of anti nausea to keep everything in check. I have to have all this stuff PLUS try to eat food.

The great thing about it all, being as fat as I am, I have lost 6 kilos and am loving it. Another 25 kilos and I’ll be just fine and dandy.

Now, let me think what this blog was going to be about because I seriously had a reason for coming here tonight…

As you can see from all the medication I take, it is easy to lose track.

Oh thats it. I have a diary called the 5 year Q & A  diary. Each day, there is a new question. For instance, 19th of May, 2015 – Question – What’s the most creative thing you’ve done recently? My answer for this year, 2015 was ‘Start my ‘An Unscheduled Journey’. Next year, on the 29th of May, 2016, I will have the same question. What I love is that this diary I ordered was ordered before being diagnosed with cancer but came when I was diagnosed with cancer. This is going to be a very interesting diary.  Every day has a different question and I can imagine, over the five years, are going to have such amazing and different answers.

On the 17th of August, the question was – If you had to spend five years in prison, what would you finally have the chance to do? – My answer was – Write my life story.

It got me thinking about how many people think (and tell me) how wonderful it is that I have so much time to myself to do the things I love.

Ok, let me get a few things straight.

  1. I have cancer – I am not on holidays
  2. No full income is coming in to my bank account to allow fun times and day trips
  3. Most days I wake very ill and lethargic, no that doesn’t allow me to dance amongst the daisies
  4. Coffee with friends? They work during they day you know?
  5. Oh, spending the day with my dogs, that I have no energy to walk or play with
  6. I can watch TV and Movies all day – Did I mention I have cancer? Headaches, nausea etc? Tv and Movies do not work in this situation
  7. You think sleeping in is a bonus and such a luxury – these sleep ins are caused by cancer…. Doing it everyday for weeks on end do not make it enjoyable
  8. Gardening and enjoying free time – again, cancer takes away energy to garden and free time is recuperating.
  9. Your friends may not be able to deal with you having cancer. Deal with it and move on

Anyway, I could totally go on and on (as I do) but I think what really pisses me off is that people really think I have it good right now. My weekly spend on medication to deal with this cancer is just under $100.00 and that does not give me energy to plan my garden, clean my house, watch movies etc.

What I do love is that I have a few things such as the following

  1. Income Insurance (bills, mortgage, food)
  2. Three months of having a cleaner which has freed up time for Sam and I thanks to my gorgeous and amazing cousins and family
  3. The Bank. Our bank with our mortgage has been so kind to reduce our mortgage for the time being
  4. Obviously, the love and friendship and caring from my family, inlaws, friends, neighbours and of course Sam
  5. A beautiful home in which to recover from the shittiest and most disgusting treatment for an illness called cancer
  6. Bubbles – There is nothing like sparkling wine when I can finally stomach it
  7. My amazing furbabies
  8. Medication

Honestly, the what I love section could go on and on and on.

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Only read on if you have a strong stomach…

I dont think I will ever fart again. That is saying alot from someone like me who LOVES to trump out a tune from my but.

Now that I have to endure endone, codeine, cancer, hemorrhoids and so forth, no fart is safe….

So today, I say good bye to my fart band. The band that has seen me through many curries, bad diets, alcohol and whatever else caused them. Now, if I feel the need, I must bury my tooty fartie in the loo, for that ‘just in case’ moment. I will spare you the details of this discovery but I was sad. I did love to toot my butt tunes.

This featured image is 7 years old. It is from when Sam and I had our first ‘holiday’ on a houseboat on the Murray River for New Years. Her, I am happy, have 2 boobs, a wee bit thinner, relaxed and again, happy.

Uniden Digital Camera
Uniden Digital Camera

Pro Chemo Clinic Please

I think this is something needed. We need a Pro Chemo Clinic for those who are so dexied up (pepped) and no one else in the household has the energy to keep up.

The feeling is like I have been given a big speed bomb (Mum, MIl, FFIL, Family and Friends) I have only tried speed a few times I promise, your few and my few may be quite different but I DO NOT use or take speed or illegal drugs these days and nor have I for a for year or so. Few, glad I got all that out.

Anyhoo. Here I am, Dr Hands fast asleep (I think he has a new kidney stone growing eeek), Brady and Kelly are both fast asleep and me, well, wide a blippin awake!

Let me share my gorgeous haven, bedroom, that I spend much of my time in and have spent some of my ‘splurge money’ on those gorgeous lamps…

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Its crap. The only person in the house, wide awake (speed like from memory) all others asleep in the house and what do I do? I hate TV but I watched a shit movie called ‘Switched Identity’ I think it was called and there were very few funny bits in it. Now, there is some crap with some dude who swears a lot and is in Spain telling people what they are doing wrong. I might have to search foxtel because this show sucks.

Here are my sleepy heads minus Samo because he would take my head off if I woke him for a photo…

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My texts to my gorgeous daughter had me in stitches, Brady had some strange things going on in his head that made me laugh, Kelly had a tennis ball in the side of her jawls which made me laugh. Sam has made me laugh all day.

Then, I am all alone. Pepped up from all the drugs they give me during chemo but the loved ones, they can’t keep up.

So, bring on the Pro Chemo Clinic. Some dude will take some weed, another will enjoy the ‘experimental’ speed I have tried but seriously, the first night after chemo is kinda tough. I want someone to get totally and utterly drunk with me. To talk shit and laugh and ignore the worlds problems for a moment.

But, I can’t book this in because other chemo treatments have me comotosed (I tried spell check and it wasn’t working for me so just work with me here) within a few hours of getting home from chemo. Tonight though, am feeling pumped and happy and loving the world and my life.

I am wondering if there was a clinic that looked like a bar for the pro chemo patients of the day, would that help not only our carers and dogs, but also us. Some of us come home all pepped up and ready to chat but there is no one to chat too. Oh stop it, dont be berating Sam because I think he is hiding a kidney stone from me but imagine, all us Pro Chemo Peeps, smoking weed, drinking bubbles (thats me) or just pumped from the meds given, we could have a hoot of a party.

It is tough the night or two following chemo. I think I have had all of the feelings. I have been high as a kite, low as a maggot, midstream with nothing going on in my head (work peeps, you can cease laughing now), and absolute comatose. So, I can’t judge what I am going to be like from each chemo to the next. Mind you, the next one, whilst a long day, sounds a lot easier.

Next chemo has me having the heart test (to make sure my heart will cope with the next lot of chemo), which is at 10am and then at 1am, my new chemo which apparently will give me a lot of fatigue and bone acheness but no nausea (yippeee) and it is up to debate as to weather my hair loss continues or I grow my hair. See previous post.

Any hoo…… Obviously I am wide awake with all of these bloggie posts tonight. You may not hear from me for a few days but  I am going to imagine sad faces all around the world.

I thought twice about my profile pic but then I realised, I am who I am. I am ok with being bald. It is time for not only Australia but the world to be ok with bald women. No, I am not a lesbiano (even though there is nothing wrong with that), but why do I feel I have to wear a wig, hat, scarf etc. These make my head itch and I am so happy that Sam is just fine and dandy with me going alllll natural.

Dont Pity Me! (but please admire me…)

Argh, I am having one of those bullshit nights where I do not know what the hell it is I want. And, I have the hiccups. Man I hate those things.

Anyway, I was super tired at about 6:30pm tonight and was totally ready for an early night but because my chemo is due this week and because I love sparkling wine, I decided on a few drinks tonight. So, bottleshop lady convinces me on buying a brand where i can get three bottles for $20.00. Hell yeah I say, bring em on.

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She asks me what I am celebrating and I tell her, my first lot of chemo starts on Thursday (today is Monday) and why not guzzle up until chemo? She says to me “geez, you are looking and sounding great considering what you are about to endure, or is that just a front?” Wow! This is the first person (beside my gorgeous sister who called me a liar when I said I wasn’t worried about chemo) so I say to my Sip N Save lady, nope, no front, just love bubbles and yes, chemo due Thursday which is a part of the chemo journey and you know what? I actually saw a bit of pride in her eyes. No pity, no sadness but only admiration/

She’d said to me she’d had a lump about 30 years ago just before she was due to be married and had a lumpectomy and was worried, soon to be husband, would not go through with the marriage due to the partial mastectomy. I said to her that I had the same shit going through my head with a man 11 years my youth who was about to be engaged to a woman with one boob (which has already been cut away and thrown in the bin), hairless, overweight, lethargic, and quite possibly toothless woman as his soon to be bride. I do think she tried not to laugh at the image but she just got me! She understood exactly what I was talking about and we had quite the giggle.

Seriously though, I loved that she asked if I looked and seemed as good as I portrayed  or if it was all a front. I told her that wow, thank you for being so upfront and honest with your question but in all honesty, it was what it was. I had not the energy or fakeness to be anything but what it was. I wasn’t afraid of cancer, nor losing (hairy) leftie, chemo, losing my hair or being tired and lethargic…. I was scared of the nausea and that was it. It felt great for someone to ask me if I was putting on a front. I loved that someone was just like me, giving me the opportunity to be ‘real’ but thankfully, I was being real and honest. I am who I am.

Here is a bit of the real part of me that may turn some of my ‘blogger mates’ to unfriend or stop following me but, yes, I do want to be the one when people talk in the village about me. I WANT to be talked and gossipped about. I want people saying, ‘You know that lady who walks the big white dog? Well, She is fighting breast cancer”. “The lady with the big dog has  breast cancer”! It is to be for the next woman in the community who finds out they have breast cancer can say to themselves, wow, that lady with the big white dog had breast cancer and she looks A OK. She walked her dog, she drank bubbles, she laughed and wore crazy coloured turbans and scarfs and beat breast cancer.

Thankfully in todays world, breast cancer is one of the cancers you want to have (out off the many options) because it is beatable. So I might walk my big white dog around Meadows with my funny looking headband (soon to be multicolored scarf) and coping with chemo (internal spa therapy) but still dealing with life. Loving life. It is no longer the death sentence it once was. I want to bring to my Meadows community a sense of Cancer not being a death sentence, it is a deterrent to stop us working for a while but we will get through it. I want to be there for these women. I am incredibly lucky to have women around me that let my right boob hang around,  blowing in the breeze and after all this, I want to be one of these woman for the next one who has to deal with one boob in the bin and one boob swinging in the breeze!

We have an amazing community in Meadows South Australia that gives us HUGS as we walk by. We are all here at hear your story and help where we can. If you are new to the area, pop out and say hi as we all walk our dogs past your house. Cancer really does suck, and even though we are lucky these days with treatment, we still need our neighbours. Do not be shy or afraid to say hi, do not be afraid to tell us your story.

My internal spa therapy (chemo) starts on Thursday

and already, I feel the love of the neighbourhood, friends and family. Take it. Hug it. Enjoy it.

I am not an overly huggy schnuggy person but having cancer has bought me a little closer, a little huggier than usual.

Tell the world what is going on. My Sip n Save friend had a lovely chat, she showed me the current ‘bulk buy’ and on I went on my way. Yep, have had a wee few of those suggested recommendations from my Sip N Save friend and feeling better than I was.

Friends, neighbours and support wont come knocking on your door, but when you meet them, be honest, open, take their sparkling wine suggestions and get on  🙂

Cancer isn’t a great thing to go through but you know what…. if we had what we had twenty years ago, it was possibly a death sentence. Today, it is a ‘glitch’ and once we are done, we’ll get back to ordinary life. WE are in a good place 🙂

Drink them bubbles and give me a call or message if you need a pick me up 🙂

Is My Bald Head Pretty?

Ok, so yes, don’t go on about it but I have had a couple of drinks but this question is not unreasonable is it?

I know that I am about to lose all of my hair. No, I am not interested in this new technique of the cold cap of keeping some of my hair. I either have all of my hair or none. I am not interested in some here and there. gMy hair is shit so why would I want to keep it and no, I will not regret this statement when I have lost my hair. I worry that it will grow back grey but that’s about it.

What I most worry about is my head. What if it is full of warts? Full of dents and digits? What if my head isn’t a smooth and beautiful round thing that people look at and just know I am dealing with Breast Cancer? I fear it is ugly.

I can already feel something that feels like warts or alien like pimples. So there goes my beautiful smooth and round head. Maybe if I use my pedi thingy that removes rough skin from my feet, onto my head, then I’ll have a beautiful soft and round head.

Unfortunately the media gives these amazing photos of cancer stricken women looking amazing. I dont look amazing now so how am I going to look amazing once chemo starts?

This all sucks really. Yes, I am having a pitty party but if there was ever a time to have one it is now.

So my wishes today are as follows

1. My gorgeous dogs recover from kennel cough real soon

2. My amazing Dr Hands (Sam) continues his patience and love for me

3. My Head is gorgeous under this shitty crappy hair I have been given

4. I get over what ever virus I am fighting because I do have Breast Cancer that I need to beat!

5. Something amazing happens that makes me almost or even wee my pants 🙂

I am in a shitty crappy mood tonight. Thankfully I have amazing neighbours who can supply me with bubbles. Oh, and get this. Here I am in their home, rightie bobbie swinging in the breeze because leftie is sore and swollen and Lisa (neighbour) decides my burn on my arm need dressing. I am at her home, late at night, needing alcohol and that wonderful and gorgeous neighbour of mine feel s the need to dress my burn on my arm. Gotta love that kinda friend/neighbour.

Another thing I experienced this weekend which I am glad was only an experience was a few puffs of cigarettes. I smoked for many years and before I quit, was up to 50 a day. A lot of people asked where I found the time and even now, I wonder where I found the time. Now I am facing cancer, I even now want a cigarette. Isn’t cancer supposed to scare you of death? I see smoking as a relaxant. But, after over five years of not smoking, I do not want to go back to the ill health and expense of smoking. I will just carry on having cancer, begging neighbours for sparkling wine and believing I can beat this disgusting disease. Thank you Lisa and Pete. Thank you Sam. Today hasn’t been a great day xx

Featured Image is Brady and I before Cancer and Kennel Cough. xx

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Tears, Happiness and Life

Today I cried. I stood on a beach with Dr Hands (Sam) and Brady (my dog) and I cried. Not big heavy sobs and such, just a few tears, maybe four or five but I cried. It hit me. I get to live. This cancer will not kill me. It isn’t like I had been  thinking along the lines of it actually killing me so I am not sure where this feeling came from but as we stood there, looking out at the ocean with the hills behind us, Brady chasing the ball, it occurred to me. I have a ‘second chance’ at life. I am one of the lucky ones. Not everyone gets the great news that I have received. Stage 3 breast cancer can be beaten and damn it, I will beat it.

The tears were not of sadness but of happiness. I get to spend more time with Sam. I get to continue to be a mum to Accalia. I have the opportunity to watch my nieces and nephews grow, to spend more time with my family and friends. There are some not so lucky people who get the news I get. Cancer is not the death sentence it used to be for everyone.

I have spent a bit of time lately reading other peoples blogs on their cancer experiences and wow, I really am one of the lucky ones. Yes, I am one boob down. Yes, I have six months worth of chemo to look forward to followed by radiotherapy and possibly the hormone therapy too. Yep, I have a kick arse scar going right across my chest and under my arm but you know what? I am alive. I have a super good chance of being around in years to come.

These tears were unexpected but embraced. I haven’t done much of this crying thing since I found out the cancer had spread no further than the lymph nodes. I haven’t been one to wallow through the news of the boobectimy, chemo and radiotherapy.

I am not overly sure if any of that makes sense to anyone but me but it was an amazing day.

My new project over the next week or two is to look for some pretty scarves that I can wear while bald. I think scarves will be my head covering of choice. I have been so very fortunate that a lovely friend has sent me her wig for me to use which looks absolutely gorgeous and will be perfect for parties, weddings etc.

My plans this week are as follows….

Monday – Brady to support my hair loss and get a shave to almost baldness. He is a groodle with incredibly long and very dirty hair right now. As I’ll be home for quite a while, he wont get very cold because he’ll be in side with me and our lovely staffy Kelly.

Tuesday – If feeling well, lunch with some lovely work mates in the city. There are a few things in my work locker that I need to collect so am looking forward to enjoying a lunch with friends while I am there

Thursday – Appointment with Mr Kollias (my surgeon) for the post op appointment. Will he or wont he remove my dressings and take out the stitches?

Todays boob thoughts are still wondering why there is not a surviving boob sling. The bra and Miss Fluff are amazing. They make me feel boobalicious when I am out and about but when at home, I dont wear either because the wound from the boobectimy is still tender. I am more comfortable without bra but poor old rightie, my surviving boob, just hangs about not knowing what to do with herself. I noticed a new stretch mark from her hanging around (she isn’t a little girl, she has a bit of weight going on) and I was horrified when I saw the stretch mark. I did go out to Dr Hands to discuss this with him and lifted up my t-shirt and said ‘Look Sam, I have a new stretch mark because she just hangs around’. I was even pointing to the new stretch mark and you know what Sam said when I asked him to look at the new stretch mark? He said, “which one is the new one?”

That was almost as flattering as him asking how I got Miss Fluff to ‘droop’ as much as rightie………