The ‘upside’ of Cancer

  • Being able to sleep all day
  • Eating Ben & Jerrys Ice Cream at 11am and not having to explain why
  • Not having to wash, brush, condition, cut or style my hair
  • Sleeping in
  • Being home with my dogs all day
  • Sparkling wine is a pre and post chemo medication and no one argues about it
  • Becoming the neighbourhood nosey posey and keeping an eye on what goes on around here
  • Having pancakes for breakfast in bed three days in a row at chemo time made by Dr Hands
  • Meeting people all over the world (via social media) who have handy hints and kind words
  • No dieting
  • Beside medical appointments, no real obligations
  • Shows the good side of people

My most recent chemo hasn’t been kind to me. I had it on Thursday gone and I thought I was doing ok for a while but come Sunday, I couldn’t leave my bed. I did have a lovely couple of coffees with the neighbour yesterday but have spent most of yesterday and today in bed also.

Thank goodness there is only one more chemo session left.

Then, we’ll talk radiation therapy……………

IMG_0002

The Truth Today – and a Slight Discussion on Farts

Last Thursday, 8 days ago, I had the worst chemo ever.

What interested me the most is my Oncologist (who I think is amazing) told me that I may need panadol to help relieve some of the bone pain related to the new chemo drugs I was about to be given.

What a load of crap he was talking. I mean, I know people have their tollerances and stuff but shit, panadol? After 5 days being bed ridden, not sleeping but not awake, can’t eat and new hemorrhoids arriving, headache and skull pain that I have never felt in my life, panadol was NOT WORKING.

So, you probably got the gist in my previous post about all that and am now on Endone for pain, Coloxal + Senna to help with consitpation, Anusol for Hemorrhoids, Panadol to help with the Endone, Anti depressants because, well, this isn’t a walk in the park and a couple of anti nausea to keep everything in check. I have to have all this stuff PLUS try to eat food.

The great thing about it all, being as fat as I am, I have lost 6 kilos and am loving it. Another 25 kilos and I’ll be just fine and dandy.

Now, let me think what this blog was going to be about because I seriously had a reason for coming here tonight…

As you can see from all the medication I take, it is easy to lose track.

Oh thats it. I have a diary called the 5 year Q & A  diary. Each day, there is a new question. For instance, 19th of May, 2015 – Question – What’s the most creative thing you’ve done recently? My answer for this year, 2015 was ‘Start my ‘An Unscheduled Journey’. Next year, on the 29th of May, 2016, I will have the same question. What I love is that this diary I ordered was ordered before being diagnosed with cancer but came when I was diagnosed with cancer. This is going to be a very interesting diary.  Every day has a different question and I can imagine, over the five years, are going to have such amazing and different answers.

On the 17th of August, the question was – If you had to spend five years in prison, what would you finally have the chance to do? – My answer was – Write my life story.

It got me thinking about how many people think (and tell me) how wonderful it is that I have so much time to myself to do the things I love.

Ok, let me get a few things straight.

  1. I have cancer – I am not on holidays
  2. No full income is coming in to my bank account to allow fun times and day trips
  3. Most days I wake very ill and lethargic, no that doesn’t allow me to dance amongst the daisies
  4. Coffee with friends? They work during they day you know?
  5. Oh, spending the day with my dogs, that I have no energy to walk or play with
  6. I can watch TV and Movies all day – Did I mention I have cancer? Headaches, nausea etc? Tv and Movies do not work in this situation
  7. You think sleeping in is a bonus and such a luxury – these sleep ins are caused by cancer…. Doing it everyday for weeks on end do not make it enjoyable
  8. Gardening and enjoying free time – again, cancer takes away energy to garden and free time is recuperating.
  9. Your friends may not be able to deal with you having cancer. Deal with it and move on

Anyway, I could totally go on and on (as I do) but I think what really pisses me off is that people really think I have it good right now. My weekly spend on medication to deal with this cancer is just under $100.00 and that does not give me energy to plan my garden, clean my house, watch movies etc.

What I do love is that I have a few things such as the following

  1. Income Insurance (bills, mortgage, food)
  2. Three months of having a cleaner which has freed up time for Sam and I thanks to my gorgeous and amazing cousins and family
  3. The Bank. Our bank with our mortgage has been so kind to reduce our mortgage for the time being
  4. Obviously, the love and friendship and caring from my family, inlaws, friends, neighbours and of course Sam
  5. A beautiful home in which to recover from the shittiest and most disgusting treatment for an illness called cancer
  6. Bubbles – There is nothing like sparkling wine when I can finally stomach it
  7. My amazing furbabies
  8. Medication

Honestly, the what I love section could go on and on and on.

******************************************************************************************************************************************************************

Only read on if you have a strong stomach…

I dont think I will ever fart again. That is saying alot from someone like me who LOVES to trump out a tune from my but.

Now that I have to endure endone, codeine, cancer, hemorrhoids and so forth, no fart is safe….

So today, I say good bye to my fart band. The band that has seen me through many curries, bad diets, alcohol and whatever else caused them. Now, if I feel the need, I must bury my tooty fartie in the loo, for that ‘just in case’ moment. I will spare you the details of this discovery but I was sad. I did love to toot my butt tunes.

This featured image is 7 years old. It is from when Sam and I had our first ‘holiday’ on a houseboat on the Murray River for New Years. Her, I am happy, have 2 boobs, a wee bit thinner, relaxed and again, happy.

Uniden Digital Camera
Uniden Digital Camera

Cancer is Lonely …..

As the title says, cancer can be lonely but also, so very boring. I can fault no one for making me feel lonely except for the chemo treatment given.

This is going to sound a little strange but I think this is the best treatment I have had. I had it on Thursday 2nd of July and had a sensational two days following. I felt upbeat, energised, hungry and happy.

Come Sunday, that all goes to shit. I am not tired, can’t stay awake, have no interest in talking, eating, drinking or even opening my eyes for that matter.

Today is Wednesday and beside the battle between ‘Bailey and Brady’, nothing much has happened.

I am Bailey.

20150605_153433

This is Brady

IMG_0040 8

As any dog trainer knows, dogs have their behavioral changes at the age of 2 and 7. Brady is going through age 7 behavior change and we are butting heads. He is being ever so naughty. Not coming to me when I quietly and gently request. Looks on at me mockingly when I request he remove his smelly butt from my sofa etc

But, beside all that, I have felt that I have done nothing but sleep since Sunday until today, Wednesday evening. I felt ever so teary earlier today but that was just some girly crap and went away quick enough.

What I am so very thankful for is my wonderful neighbours in my lovely little village. Dr Hands went and bought me a bottle of bubbles because I needed something to give me a lift and that whole bottle didn’t even touch the sides. A quick text next door to Night Nurse and all was good in the world as a new bottle of bubbles arrived at my door step (do not judge one with cancer) and we even had some lovely chats, laughs and gossip.

Speaking of neighbours, did you know these neighbours of mine are from England and dont eat until around 8pm at night??? Who the hell eats at that time of night? Well, they do……… it is just wrong if you ask me but moving on…

You have no idea that sleeping from Sunday to Wednesday night can be so lonely until you go through it. And this comes from someone like me who loves her bed, own company, books, dogs etc. If I can become lonely and teary through this spa treatment  effect, I dread to imagine how it would be for someone a little more social and sun shinier than me.

I dont want to sound like a lecturer but seriously, if you have a friend or neighbour going through this shitty illness, extend a hand. Weather it be an ear or a chatty mouth, please give it. If I can be teary because of no company, and I have a Dr Hands in my life, then I dread to think what it would be like for someone more social than myself.

My High note of the week was a sensational package left in my letterbox (I missed my visit from postie Ashley) which was a gorgeous square from Josie who is an amazing lady at work. She has made some amazing gluten free treats for me at work so it was quite a surprise to get a square from her!! Also, what I should mention more than anything, is the notes, letters and cards I receive with these squares. Thank you so much Josie for my lovely square which actually almost matches another square I have here ……

IMG_0001

Isn’t this square just amazing? I love it to bits n pieces.

Goodness, I have been awake for about three hours now, must be time for sleep. Honestly, I am managing about 3 hours at maximum of being awake before needing hours more worth of sleep. So, if I dont reply to your text, email or facebook message, it is probably because I am sleeping…

zzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzs