Sleeping my way through chemo

This last round of chemo has really knocked me for a  six. All I can do is sleep. Last night, I went to bed at 9pm and was woken by Sam this afternoon at 3pm.

I am glad I have been blogging my way through this ‘unscheduled journey’ because I would probably think all I did for a year was sleep.

My feelings are

* Mild Headaches

* Earache

* Mild sore throat

Thats about it.

Just thought I’d check in and let you know I am still around, but spending my time sleeping. Boy I can sleep…..

I have popped in a 7 year old photo from when Sam and I went on a romantic houseboat week together to remind me of the fun things to come 🙂

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Murray River Mannum

Pro Chemo Clinic Please

I think this is something needed. We need a Pro Chemo Clinic for those who are so dexied up (pepped) and no one else in the household has the energy to keep up.

The feeling is like I have been given a big speed bomb (Mum, MIl, FFIL, Family and Friends) I have only tried speed a few times I promise, your few and my few may be quite different but I DO NOT use or take speed or illegal drugs these days and nor have I for a for year or so. Few, glad I got all that out.

Anyhoo. Here I am, Dr Hands fast asleep (I think he has a new kidney stone growing eeek), Brady and Kelly are both fast asleep and me, well, wide a blippin awake!

Let me share my gorgeous haven, bedroom, that I spend much of my time in and have spent some of my ‘splurge money’ on those gorgeous lamps…

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Its crap. The only person in the house, wide awake (speed like from memory) all others asleep in the house and what do I do? I hate TV but I watched a shit movie called ‘Switched Identity’ I think it was called and there were very few funny bits in it. Now, there is some crap with some dude who swears a lot and is in Spain telling people what they are doing wrong. I might have to search foxtel because this show sucks.

Here are my sleepy heads minus Samo because he would take my head off if I woke him for a photo…

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My texts to my gorgeous daughter had me in stitches, Brady had some strange things going on in his head that made me laugh, Kelly had a tennis ball in the side of her jawls which made me laugh. Sam has made me laugh all day.

Then, I am all alone. Pepped up from all the drugs they give me during chemo but the loved ones, they can’t keep up.

So, bring on the Pro Chemo Clinic. Some dude will take some weed, another will enjoy the ‘experimental’ speed I have tried but seriously, the first night after chemo is kinda tough. I want someone to get totally and utterly drunk with me. To talk shit and laugh and ignore the worlds problems for a moment.

But, I can’t book this in because other chemo treatments have me comotosed (I tried spell check and it wasn’t working for me so just work with me here) within a few hours of getting home from chemo. Tonight though, am feeling pumped and happy and loving the world and my life.

I am wondering if there was a clinic that looked like a bar for the pro chemo patients of the day, would that help not only our carers and dogs, but also us. Some of us come home all pepped up and ready to chat but there is no one to chat too. Oh stop it, dont be berating Sam because I think he is hiding a kidney stone from me but imagine, all us Pro Chemo Peeps, smoking weed, drinking bubbles (thats me) or just pumped from the meds given, we could have a hoot of a party.

It is tough the night or two following chemo. I think I have had all of the feelings. I have been high as a kite, low as a maggot, midstream with nothing going on in my head (work peeps, you can cease laughing now), and absolute comatose. So, I can’t judge what I am going to be like from each chemo to the next. Mind you, the next one, whilst a long day, sounds a lot easier.

Next chemo has me having the heart test (to make sure my heart will cope with the next lot of chemo), which is at 10am and then at 1am, my new chemo which apparently will give me a lot of fatigue and bone acheness but no nausea (yippeee) and it is up to debate as to weather my hair loss continues or I grow my hair. See previous post.

Any hoo…… Obviously I am wide awake with all of these bloggie posts tonight. You may not hear from me for a few days but  I am going to imagine sad faces all around the world.

I thought twice about my profile pic but then I realised, I am who I am. I am ok with being bald. It is time for not only Australia but the world to be ok with bald women. No, I am not a lesbiano (even though there is nothing wrong with that), but why do I feel I have to wear a wig, hat, scarf etc. These make my head itch and I am so happy that Sam is just fine and dandy with me going alllll natural.

Sleep Sleep and Kelly

Nope, nothing interesting has happened this week … oh except this.

Remember how I said that I am not really a movie person? I dont like going to the movies, in fact, it is probably the worst place you can take me to. I rarely even watch a TV show to it’s entirety let alone a movie but this week, yesterday in fact, I watched 2.5 movies.

1st movie I watched was Saving Mr Banks and I totally loved it. What a great movie. 2nd movie was Lucy. Freaked me out to no end but I really loved it too. Bit icky in some points but loved it all the same. 3rd Movie was Grace of Monaco but there was too much political stuff that confused me so I only watched half of it. I am not a big fan of Nicole Kidman as an actress. I find her drab. Dull. She is a nothing on the screen to me.

This week has seven days. Monday, Tuesday and Wednesday are supposed to be mine and I had two tasks to do on one of these three days. They are to take the vacuum to the electrical shop (the one you used to work at Annette) because the pet turbo nossel isn’t working and the 2nd thing I want to do is to ………come on down, lets go shopping!

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I am not sure if you read about the amazing daughter Accalia and friends Mia and Nicole and many more who went on a fundraiser to raise money just for me. Yes, there had been money raised for me before by my work being Bendigo and Adelaide Bank and they bought me the most wonderful and needed and wanted items. Things being beautiful new pyjamas, a Peter Alexander shrug, breast cancer glass house candle, $70 coles/myer voucher, funny fake boobs, a donation of $50 to the Breast Cancer Research foundation and more. AND this fund raiser was money to spoil myself with. All for me. Over $400 to indulge and not worry about the mounting medical bills, mortgage, petrol etc. This was specifically for me!

So, when I was dropping the vacuum off (which hasn’t happened due to chemo related illness) I was going to go and find my camera that I had been drooling over for a year. It is a Nikon P600. It is amazing. 60x zoom, wi-fi and so much more. I have been a mystery shopper for a while to get extra cash and this was presented to me at one of my jobs but do you think anyone sells it now? Geeez oh no, that would be too amazing. I struggle to pay full price for anything. I love to bargain and beat the sales person down and if you buy on line, you can’t really do that.

Harvey Norman (this is not a paid advert for this company) was the company during my mystery shop that showed me this particular camera but I chatted with a guy on line the other night and he said they no longer sell them.

Shit. This is the one I want! So I am going to have to go into the store and speak to someone and find something similar or the same because I really really liked it. For a year I have wanted this camera. Drooled over it in fact.

What really pissed me off about this camera is that FFIL (future father in law) came over one day and blow me down with a feather but didn’t he have the camera I have been drawling over!!

Other than all that, I have planned my wedding (in my head while in bed trying to sleep), planned an idea for the Cambodia squares and the absolutely amazing knitting done by my mate Gilda for a snuggle cushion.

While laying in bed, it isn’t always sleep but sometimes it is like just laying there in a coma. My body can’t or wont move but my brain is so active. I can plan world peace in a night off no sleep. But the following day, I dream of the most sexiest of scenes, the most daring of action escapes from villains and so on. I have always had very amazing and memorable action packed dreams so I am lucky when I am in a 12 hour sleep fest (sorry for those who dont get these eg Junebugs mum Mia), and I am also lucky that I remember all of these dreams.

Poor Dr Hands, that good old value pack doesn’t get much use because Chemo takes away any kind of libido one once had but boy, does it get used up in my dreams……

Here is my now calm girl after we rescued her from the terrible winds outside. Australia, right now, is winter and the wind storms we have had up here in Meadows have been terrible. There are two things that Kelly absolutely hate and one is fireworks and the other, wind. She wouldn’t even eat her dinner tonight until we bought her, and her dinner, inside to eat. If anyone who owns a staffy knows that if a staffy wont eat, there is something terribly wrong…..

Kelly all but lives inside but I must separate Kelly and Brady at dinner time because piggy Kelly will get it all and Brady would just fade away. Now, we have had to rethink out dinner plans for Kelly and think we will now feed her in the garage or laundry, out of the wind and weather. Our poor precious baby…. hehe. Looks and acts as tough as Arnie or Sylvester Stalone but when it comes to her two fears, is as precious as a new born kitten 🙂

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Just so you know, we do have a washing machine but Dr Hands has his day job pants on …. I’m a Lumberjack and I’m OK….

I failed as a patient today :(

So, how would you react if Dr Hands was standing above you at 5am asking if you wanted him to make you breakfast now or leave it to make yourself at a more respectable hour? I am sure, like me, you would thank him kindly for the offer and then tell him to get out and let you sleep a little longer. I am of an age when I can, and have, looked after myself before.

Imagine my surprise when the phone rang at 10am, waking me from another wonderful action packed dream, with Sam on the other end of the phone telling me that yes, he knew he couldn’t trust me to get up and feed myself and how he should have made me get up at 5am and that I am not doing myself any favours sleeping through breakfast and not rehydrating myself blah blah blah.

I did drag myself up, fed and watered myself, popped some pills and went back to bed at midday. Geez, talk about being bossed about!

Another bossy boots rang me today as she does everyday at 5:30pm, my mum. She always likes to check up on me to see that I am doing ok and today I told her I was tugging at my hair and eyebrows once in a while to see how well they are staying in. Mum then realised that yes, not only will my hair fall out but also my eyebrows and eyelashes. I explained to her that yes, they will fall out with my hair and I’ll end up looking like, well, a cancer patient.  Imagine that? Mum started talking about fake eyelashes and drawing on eyebrows and ended up in a fit of giggles. Geez, I love my mum 🙂

Todays Cravings

Ice-Cream! Fulfilled with a white chocolate magnum yum yum

Potato Chips – Fulfilled with small packet of smiths original potato chips

Lemonade – Had a can of this

Today’s feelings

Tiredness

Headachey (mild)

Nausea (very mild)

Hunger

Ear Ache

I don’t think I want to call the feelings – side effects – anymore. The thing is, this is how I feel. Each time I call it a side effect, it reminds me that I am doing this cancer fighting bizzo and when I am tired, I don’t want to think about cancer and chemo. I end up in a circle of confused and negative thoughts by thinking of all the horrible ‘C’ words therefore, by taking out the words ‘side effects’ and changing them to ‘feelings’, it keeps everything a bit simpler.

It isn’t as though I am trying to forget that I am fighting the breast cancer battle and having a few sessions with the ol’ chemo, but I don’t want to be dwelling on it.

Five More Minutes……

I am terrible at being woken up. Always have been and always will be. If there is a chance to get another five minutes sleep, I’ll find it, beg for it and take it.

Imagine how poor Sam is going having to wake me constantly to drink, take tablets, eat etc. I just want five more minutes sleep please! But Amanda, you have been asleep for six hours, just get up for five minutes, have some water and tablets and then you can go back to sleep.

This is a daily conversation for Sam and I and I am only at day four post chemo. Yeah I know, I wrote Post Chemo Day 3 on my last post, lets just say that along with waking up, thinking isn’t a strong suit of mine right now.

Anyway, Sam and I knew that with him returning to work today, there would be the high possibility of me being in the same position in bed when he returned from work as when he left. This cancer fighting superhero stuff really does take it out of you so we came up with a great plan. Get me up before Sam goes to work to ensure I have eaten my breakfast, taken my tablets, had my water etc. Thats all well and good in theory but Sam wakes at 4am! Thankfully he didn’t wake me until 5am and I think I was so confused by everything, there was no argument for five minutes more. I was too stunned and just seemed to get up and out of bed obediently.

Of course I was back in bed as soon as my breakfast had been shoved down my throat. It really is hard to find an appetite at 5am but I know that if I don’t obey, I wont eat until Sam returns from work at about 2:30pm. Apparently that is not good for my fighting superhero powers so I shall continue to obey as much as I can.

Sam rang from work at about 10ish to instruct me to drink water and take tablets he had left next to the bed, told me he loved me and made me smile. Instead of rolling back over for more sleep, I got up and here I still am, an hour later, up and about.

Have had a little chat with my mate Summer across the road who I found putting a little handmade gift into my letterbox for me, have answered a few emails, unloaded and reloaded the dishwasher and had very in depth conversations with Brady and Kelly (My dogs).

So, what now? I don’t know to be honest. I don’t need to eat for a while. Have had my fill of water. The house is opened wide and bringing in beautiful fresh air, showing me blue skies through the windows…. how about I just enjoy the day.

This is the view from my backyard where I can sit and enjoy the world……

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Today I will stay awake a little longer, spend time in the sunshine with my dogs, maybe even try and finish that darn book by George Orwell 1984 and wait for my man to come home.

Side effects are as follows –

– nausea but only very mild and controlled by medication

– tingling scalp which isn’t really a side effect

– sneezing regularly. I am assuming my nose hairs are ready to fall out causing me to sneeze – am ready for that nose hair fur ball!

– headaches but like the nausea, mild. Having said that, I am taking tremadol for the headaches because I just couldn’t get rid of them with plain old panadol. The headaches are bearable with the tremadol but not without.

– tiredness of course, just five more minutes …..zzzzzzzzzz