Can’t Sleep!

At 7:15pm I went to bed. I read my Game of Thrones book number 2 and was hot. On went the ceiling fan.

8pm, I’m up at cold. On goes the ducted heating and I am now warm. Kelly is sleeping on MY sofa and I have another glass of bubbles. I am wondering why I am up and awake because at 7:15, I was so tired, sick to my stomach (remember that stomach virus I have?) and boiling hot and now I am freezing, wide awake and needing some bubbles. FYI – Bubbles are non french champagne which I think we now have to call Sparkling Wine.

Now, at 10:20pm, I have emailed my bosses with the reality that my six months leave could now be between 12 and 15 months leave. I hated having to send that email because I wanted to do it person to persons. The shitty thing with that is I have a great day, where I am feeling good and energised but tomorrow, that might not be the case.

I have had days where I have felt incredible, missed work, life and living. Then the following day, I could be shit. Stuck in bed, even unable to get unable to get up and even tell big white dog Brady to shut up his barking. I can be almost comotosed and unresponsive. I hate that I can’t predict or plan things.

Today I felt A OK when I woke but the time Spanna came (the cleaner hired by my gorgeous and amazing family) arrived, I felt nauseas, dizzy and headachey. There is no predicting how I am going to feel day to day and I really bloody hate that.

Now, at 10:24pm, I am wide awake, mind running a million miles an hour.

Here are my thoughts tonight

*  Is my job safe

* Will I feel great tomorrow

* Is that tingling feeling in my cheeks an upcoming blister thing?

* Will I be able to sleep in the next few hours

* Are my shoulders just tight from stress, chemo or something else?

I hate the nights I can’t sleep. I really super duper dislike nausea. I absolutely love that families come together in times of need. I enjoy hearing bitchy witchy Kelly snoring on the sofa while I sit here with a spinny head and nauseas stomach. She cares not for me but only for the sofa and I love that about her.

My feelings today are

Television really sucks. There is rarely anything on this square thing that I enjoy. It is shit. shit shit sit.



Blurred Vision


PS: I still have some prickles left on my head which really piss me off. Give me all or nothing. I have shadows on my head. The front part of my head is almost bald and shiny. Seriously, I am not bullshitting, because, when I walk into the ensuite, I see the reflection of the lights off my head. But the back part still has prickles and they really piss me off.

PSS: That chin hair hasn’t resurfaced. AAAAAhhhhh in your face chin hair! Nothing beats Chemo you MOFO!!

I have no other photo than another random one of my boy Brady xx