Bikini Body

Once upon a time I had two boobs.

I was then diagnosed with breast cancer.

One of my two boobs was lopped off and thrown away in the bin somewhere.

Then I had one boob.

Mr Kollias took the fat and skin from my big fat stomach and made a smaller tummy and built me a new boob where there was no boob.

Now I have two boobs.

I dont care that it is winter, am strapped into a stomach compression belt and that I still have bandages on my new booby, I am wearing my bikini.


I’m so excited. And I just can’t hide it.

Bring on summer. I’m wearing this baby everywhere!


My Dirty Little Secret

Hi There.

Sorry for not dropping in earlier but I didn’t know how to discuss what happened to me on the night of my arterial ligation surgery which prevented my Tram Flap Breast Reconstruction occurring on the 22nd of July.

Here is how it played out.

I was laying in the little room you are put into before you are taken into the surgery room. My anaesthetist Dr Christopher Higham from Stace Aesthetics popped over to say hi and to run through his spiel. He is really lovely and we chattered for a while and everything was going just peachy until he went to walk away and asked me a question over his shoulder on his way out.

The question was actually more like a statement:

Oh Amanda, you don’t smoke do you?

I just looked at him. I didn’t answer straight away and he then turned to face me head on and we were eyeballing each other when I squeaked out a ‘yes’.


Didn’t the world just stop everything in that instant! It honestly felt like the nurses stopped their pottering, the noise of the phones and chatter was suddenly gone and Dr Chris Higham was suddenly almost nose to nose with me and said these few words.

You stop smoking NOW Amanda. Now.

Turns out that for the reconstructive surgery I was due to have two weeks after this arterial ligation, has a 12% success rate on smokers and my surgeon Mr Jim Kollias will not operate on a smoker.

Once Dr Higham had finished telling me off, Mr Kollias then popped in and gave me his opinion on all this too and by now, I was quite emotional as you can well imagine.

Thankfully the ligation surgery proceeded and I was back with my husband in no time. I did have to stay in hospital one night, which was fine enough.

Pain wise it was up there and it took a little longer for the pain to reduce than I had expected but it was bearable pain.

Mr Kollias came to see me before I was discharged and stated he will not do my reconstruction until I had been a non smoker for at least six weeks. I was shattered. I felt so ashamed of myself. I hadn’t been happy to have taken up smoking AFTER my cancer treatment when I had been a non smoker for so many years and now I was ashamed and sad and really quite embarrassed.

I am pleased to announce that I have not had a cigarette since that conversation with my doctors.

Mr Kollias rescheduled my surgery for the 3rd of August, 2017.

The reasons for not operating on a smoker for this type of surgery is due to the little blood vessels that get moved from your stomach to the chest area will usually die in a smoker because there isn’t enough oxygen getting through. Dr Higham said to see a ‘dead’ reconstructive breast was awful but also, the time and energy spent reconstructing was an absolute waste. This also includes the use of nicotine replacement therapy, that isn’t allowed either. Due to the microsurgery that is preformed in the Tram Flap Reconstruction, your body needs all of the oxygen it can get and nicotine takes that away from you.

So, it was an instant quit. No cutting down, no weaning, no nicotine replacement therapy. No smokes.

It occurred to me that I had two choices. I could smoke OR I could have a reconstruction. I couldn’t not have both.

Thankfully I had been reading Allen Carr’s Easy Way to Stop Smoking a few weeks leading up to surgery so I was one step ahead. I quit using this book more than five years ago when I smoked around 50 cigarettes a day!

allen carr

I did join a quit smoking facebook page as well for the extra support as was feeling quite emotional having taken up smoking more so that quitting (at the time) and decided to use the facebook page as a bit of a sounding board. There is always that one person isn’t there that has to be mean or negative.

One of the ladies responded to my facebook statement about my surgeon refusing to operate on my until I had been a non smoker for six weeks and promised I would never smoke again about how she had plastic surgery implants and there was no a problem being a smoker and proceeded to tell me my surgeon was ‘full of shit’. Wow. Ok, way to go lady, thanks! I replied politely and mentioned breast implants are a totally different kettle of fish compared to tram flap surgery but thanked her for her comment all the same.

Anyhoo, there you have it. My dirty little secret is now out.

I wasn’t actually going to write anything about this because of being so ashamed but then I though, what if someone else genuinely doesn’t know about the dangers of smoking leading up to, and after the tram flap surgery? My surgeon didn’t even know I was a smoker (obviously) because he had asked if I was a smoker when he first met me two years ago. Why would he ask a non smoking cancer patient if they had taken up smoking? There would be no reason for him to do this. Yes, I did write I was a smoker on the admission forms for the hospital so I am not really sure who actually reads these but that is not the point. The point is, be 100% honest with your surgeon because you could be wasting their time, your time, money, etc.

You may have noticed the date of this publication and realized that I have now had my surgery. You are right! I did have the surgery but I’ll tell you about that another time real soon.

Hello Titty


I am not a Medical Miracle…

Turns out I wasn’t the medical miracle I thought I was. Lets start from the beginning…

A few nights ago (Monday), my dressings on my boobectimy wound were coming off. It was probably from the excessive sweating I am still trying to deal with and the incredibly long, tank emptying showers I am having. Yes, we live on tank water, we don’t have mains water like them city folk, so usually we only have short showers but seeing as though I didn’t shower in the home for over a week, I felt that a few long ones would be quite acceptable.

Anyway, Monday night the dressings started to peel off and me being the picker that I am, I just had to peel it off. I am like that with everything, scabs, sores, that sticky plastic stuff on new phones, computers, phones etc so you can imagine my absolute ‘need’ to peel off the rest of the dressings. Having half of the dressing hanging off was driving me nuts. So, I pulled it off.

Let me tell you, it looks great! The scar goes from the middle of the breast bone right over under the arm pit but seriously, it looks ok. I did call Night Nurse Clare to pop over and have a look to make sure it was all OK and I passed with flying colours, she thought it looked great too.

I went a bit downhill after all that on Monday Night and I think it may be right down to the flu shot I had on Saturday. I am known as being a bit slow but seriously, taking two days for the flu shot to kick in is really taking it too far hehe. Anyway, I went to bed Monday night and woke up Wednesday morning. Ok, granted, I woke to pee. I woke to a phone call from my Auntie (I still cant work out if she rang today or yesterday), another call from Mum late Monday afternoon, Sam waking me upon his return from work to see if I was ok because he hasn’t found me still in bed after he has finished work for a long time, but other than all that, I slept a lot. I didn’t even wake for dinner and those that know me, that is one big deal. Nothing comes between me and dinner. Oh, maybe sparkling wine but that’s it!

Today, Wednesday, I felt my chest where Leftie used to live. I feel it most days to ensure there is no hard swelling or leaking of unknown fluids and today, it felt like a boob was growing. I could even ‘cup’ the area. I was totally excited and couldn’t wait to tell Sam. This was the first time I had properly felt it without all the bandaging and it felt good. A little rough with the stitches but it still felt good.

This is where my man comes in handy with that listening thing. He admitted my leftie felt as though it had ‘grown’ and he could also cup it but then went on to blah blah blah and tell me about the nurse or doctor or someone important telling us it would swell a bit to feel like a boob but will go down again. Bloody Hell! I thought I was going to be a medical miracle. One would would grow a boob back and not needing a reconstruction. Seems to me that I was kidding myself. No medical miracle here. Oh well, I did have a few hours feeling quite special and almost prepared myself for the TV interviews, the newspapers wanting to print my boob and story.

Does that sound dull? Well, to a boobectimy patient it was exciting. Ones mind does go into over drive because of the following

1. Boredom. There isn’t much to do when recovering from the boobectimy, chores are limited due to the left side being a bit ouchy and tender.

2. Drugs. The painkillers can reduce the pain and tenderness of the left side but you still know there is pain there so the painkillers give you even more exciting thoughts and ideas. Seriously, there have been days I felt I could take on the world with my ideas

3. The Unknown. I have deliberately not searched for information on breast cancer. I have read other peoples blogs and read their stories but I have avoided all Dr Google sites. I did this through pregnancy too. I didn’t do the whole birthing classes, didn’t read the books, didn’t really know anyone intimately enough to hear their stories. I am one for not knowing and allowing my experience be just that, my experience. If I read the Dr Google sites, the what if’s, the could be’s, I would drive myself batty so I prefer the unknown. But it does leave me open to all of these fantasy outcomes like growing a new boob hehe.