Tracksuit Pants are Falling Down! Falling Down! Falling Down!

I booked an Uber driver today, well……I asked my husband to drive me to a few local stores as it is payday. Payday doesn’t last long in my life so I like to act as fast as I can before it is gone and as I am in a small country town, I want to visit my favourite little places as soon as possible!

1st stop was at the local Sip n Save. Yes, I deserve a little drink after all I have been through but missed catching up with the owners as they weren’t there at the time.

Next stop, the chemist for Bio Oil recommended to me by my surgeon for my scars. Rachel (the chemist) was amazing as was her assistant. I must remember that lovely ladies name one day. They are both so attentive, interested and funny.

Next, Clare’s Bloomers. Clare is not only a sensational florist who delivers the most amazing flowers (usually requested by my amazing friend/author Tamara K Martin) but also my neighbor. I was given a time limit of 10 minutes to chat with her or else my Uber driver was going to drink my beer!

Off to the Post Office and wow, was I a machine getting in and out with no chatting or time hold up and blow me down but I ran into a gorgeous girl and friend Dannii who, along with her husband, catered our wedding in April (D&D Catering) . So, chat away I did and laugh and hug and catch up. It was absolutely wonderful to get out and about in the lovely sunshine but it was also glorious to catch up with friends and local peeps.

Something actually amazing happened when I was out and about. Truly unbelievable. Well, believable for me because of the pain and suffering I have endured but oh so much fun that I wanted to yell it out. Let me take a step back and tell you what happened.

When I was dressing for my Uber outing, I picked out my trusty tracksuit pants and floppy top. The pants were because I am unable to wear anything tight around my stomach due to the ‘tummy tuck’ that comes with a Tram Flap surgery, and the floppy top was to highlight the amazing new boob I now have.

So, when I went into the Chemist, my lovely track pants started to fall down!!

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OMG I AM SKINNY! My pants are falling down, falling down, falling down…..

Ok, not quite skinny but, my big fat guts doesn’t hold my track pants up anymore! OMG OMG OMG someone please notice this!

So, no one noticed this but I loved this moment a lot!

I’m still lovingly plump and squishy but my 2nd stomach has gone. Gone gone gone.

 

Just a side note – Bold and the Beautiful (spoiler) As IF Eric would take back Sheila after the Quinn and Ridge debacle! I had better be wrong here because in my opinion, Eric would NEVER take Sheila back. Even after Quinns naughtiness, I think Eric would still keep her.

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Ohhhh Ashley… stop hehehe

Dr Hands was out of Jacks and Cola. Me, for once, being the sober one offered to head down to what I call the chemist but what is in actual fact, the drive through bottle o’. I parked in the ‘browse’ section because that is what I am used to doing and I am glad I did.

Once I walked in I saw Ashley. You know Ashely….. the one who yelled out from his postal bike ‘what did you do to your head’ and ‘oh Amanda, you have a present!’

Well, he part times his work at the bottle shop and I love that.

I walked in and he says, Hey Shiney!! That is because I have no hair covering. It is mostly bald head with a bit of shadow of prickly hair at the back. We have a good laugh at it and he says, I’d be more embarrased heading out in those slippers that I would without a head covering hehe.

Then, I ask him to pick me up that carton of jacks and cola and then he says, no wonder you dont look like you are going through cancer/chemo by drinking this stuff! I try to explain it isn’t me that drinks it, it is Sam and he laughs, not believing me but I dont care because we have big laughs and giggles. This, this is what I love about living in a small town. My postie also serves me at the bottle shop 🙂

And, he laughs with me. He isn’t embarrassed by my baldish head. He laughs about spitting chips (I think it was chips) while laughing at one of my jokes.

Living in a small town has its advantages. I have read so much about the disadvantages about small towns but we are lucky here in Meadows. Everyone might know about everyone but boy can they laugh. Even my clean, Spanna Shanna is a laugh.

So, while I lapped up Ashleys lovely words about me looking and presenting well with my cancer, it made me realise that I am ok. I can look forward to a happy and long life once I am done with all of this horrid cancer bizzo. There will be a day soon when I am complaining about it being only Tuesday when I wish it was Friday.

Now is not the time for those wishes but between my sweet and funny Ashley (bottle shop person and Postie), gorgeous and nurturing neighbours, Dr Hands of course, Bossy and helpful cousins, My mama, and of course, that gorgeous and amazing daughter of mine, I am doing ok. I will deal with the feelings that some people describe as side effects, the endless days and nights sleeping off the feelings, I will be ok.

In the meantime, I will continue to fight cancer in MY way and soon enough, will be back at work doing what I love.

Thanks Ashley for making me laugh.

Thanks Mama for visiting today.

Thanks Kiddo for responding to my late night text messages

Thanks Brady for being my beautiful boy.

Thanks to Sam, MIL,FIL, SIL and all my gorgeous nieces and nephews.

My sister, brother in law, cousins. aunts and uncles, friends, friends of friends, mothers of friends etc.

Ok fine, Yes, I have had a few bubbles and am feeling the best I have all week and am loving everyone but geez, these days are far and few between.

Here is my photo of the day that makes me smile…. Brady with one of his most favourite toys…. a balloon!

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Me and My Enemy.

Have I mentioned I suffer anxiety and panic disorder? It is ‘controlled’ by medication but it will never be ‘cured’ unless I face it head on (according to my awesome Dr Sunita).

The issue with curing it is finding a shrink that I actually like… but that is a whole other story so i’ll leave that for later.

In the mean time, anxiety is now popping back into my life on a regular basis and I HATE it. Like, seriously HATE it. I dont use the word ‘hate’ often but with this shit crap illness called anxiety and panic disorder, hate comes up a lot.

The thing is, I have been medicated for years to keep it at bay and haven’t thought much of it until this Cancer bizzo. Since this word cancer has popped into my life, so has the anxiety and panic disorder and the medication doesn’t seem to ‘suppress’ it as it used to.

I am a pretty relaxed, easy going, take it as it comes, kinda person with or without the medication. So, to have this crap come back into my life, not being able to sail my way through it, really pisses me off a lot.

Here is how dopey I am. Way back when the anxiety first started, I’d never heard of such a thing and assumed I was ‘allergic’ to large malls and supermarket air-conditioning because, I felt fine until I went into these places. No, I was not a youngin’ with no experience in life. I was a mum of a almost one year old, making me about 22 years old.

It wasn’t until my hairdresser, a few years later, who I often booked and cancelled and booked again, then huffed and puffed through the appointment, pointed out that it seemed I really suffered anxiety disorder. I had absolutely no idea what she was talking but all the ‘feelings’ she discussed were exactly as my ‘allergies’ to the air-conditioners.

The tightness of my chest, difficulty breathing, thinking I was going to faint/pass out, fevers, dizziness, nausea, did I mention the tightness of my chest? It is horrible. Unless you have been there, there is no way you can understand the intense feelings. There was often no way of talking my way out of these feelings. I would often think I was going to die, right there and then. Or vomit, right there at the deli counter at Coles. Faint, at the entrance of a large shopping mall.

The one thing that helped. The once question asked of me from a doctor was ‘What do you think is the absolute worst thing that will happen’ and my answer was ‘I will faint’. She advised me that the body is so amazing that if I did faint, it would be due to lack of oxygen (holding my breath) and that fainting would then put my body into a relaxed state enough to start oxygenating itself naturally again.

Of course, me being me, said that it wasn’t so much the fainting that bothered me but what if I wet myself, like ewe! Now, who gives a hoot if I faint and wet myself. That doesn’t worry me anymore and thankfully, am no longer ‘allergic’ to shopping centers or malls.

I booked into a doctor and discussed this information and yep, she/he (no, I can’t remember) prescribed anti depressants and off I went. Twenty years later, having been on and off medication, I am still suffering it seems. But, I am on the medication now so how is the anxiety sneaking through?

Who knows but what I do know is that I hate it. Tonight it is especially bad.

Crisis averted. One of the ‘Real Housewives of Meadows’ popped over (approx 11pm ish) and a few more glasses of bubbles later and all is good.

Anyway though, I just want to say that I would hate hate hate for anyone to say to me, oh the anxiety and/or panic disorder would be normal in my current condition. Well no, I do not accept that. Cancer, death, cold winters, short of money, they can all cause an anxiety issue and I will not accept that anxiety will be more prominent in my life while dealing with the Breast Cancer issue and Chemo and peoples opinions and reduced income and sickness and worry etc. I want anxiety gone from my life now. I have had my time and that should now be up.

I think I will look more into resolving and getting over this anxiety bizzo in the coming week. Now, being almost 1am on a Friday night/Saturday Morning is not the time to find a ‘cure’ for me.

What I am thankful off is Sam. I can walk up to Sam at anytime, day or night, busy or lazy, and tell him that today, today is not a good day and the anxiety is taking a hold and he will wrap me in his arms, kiss me gently and ask if he can do anything. The answer is always no but just that moment, that feeling of security is all I need for that time.

Well, that was all a bit full on tonight wasn’t it? Sorry for that outpouring of what ever it was. All done now 🙂

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Hugs and Kissses from Dr Hands xxx