The ‘upside’ of Cancer

  • Being able to sleep all day
  • Eating Ben & Jerrys Ice Cream at 11am and not having to explain why
  • Not having to wash, brush, condition, cut or style my hair
  • Sleeping in
  • Being home with my dogs all day
  • Sparkling wine is a pre and post chemo medication and no one argues about it
  • Becoming the neighbourhood nosey posey and keeping an eye on what goes on around here
  • Having pancakes for breakfast in bed three days in a row at chemo time made by Dr Hands
  • Meeting people all over the world (via social media) who have handy hints and kind words
  • No dieting
  • Beside medical appointments, no real obligations
  • Shows the good side of people

My most recent chemo hasn’t been kind to me. I had it on Thursday gone and I thought I was doing ok for a while but come Sunday, I couldn’t leave my bed. I did have a lovely couple of coffees with the neighbour yesterday but have spent most of yesterday and today in bed also.

Thank goodness there is only one more chemo session left.

Then, we’ll talk radiation therapy……………

IMG_0002

Being a Brat!

This morning I woke to nothing. No angry phone calls from Dr Hands telling me to get up and drink and eat. No text messages from Dr Hands asking if I was up yet? No dogs barking. Nothing. It was quiet, peaceful, perfect. The time? 9:40am.

Wow, so no wake up from Dr Hands this morning at 5am like I expected after yesterdays debacle. I was expecting a plate full of food to be shoved in my face at 5am with a bucket of water to drink and a few tablets to ward off nausea and headaches but nope, nothing.

I felt liberated. I stretched and then realised that still kinda hurts (remember, breast and lymph nodes removal?), I curled back up in my gorgeous and amazing bed and then felt the rumblings of the double dose of coloxal + senna to make me poop. I had taken a double dose last night because it has been a few days since the old pooper has been in action and wow, hello to four days worth of poop! It was disgusting.

Moving on…

I wandered out into the kitchen to put the coffee machine on and noticed the dogs had had full run of the house and were tucked up on MY SOFA!  HMPH! I had put a fresh clean sheet on my sofa yesterday and fluffed up pillows and had a blanket there ready for last night and today when I needed a change of scenery from bed and wanted something a little fresher smelling than the usual dog smelling sofa.

Well, that effort was totally wasted because Kelly had not only been sleeping on this all morning but had cleaned her feet while laying there and left big wet splotches all over the sofa. This was a little message from Sam. I know it was. He would normally have the dogs up the other end of the house with the hallway door shut so as to not disturb me. Not today.

After making my coffee, catching up on emails, still smiling to myself because I didn’t need Dr Hands to be at my beck and call and I could look after myself, I started to feel a bit sick in my stomach. So I made another coffee and prepared a barocca.

These didn’t make me feel better either. I was a bit shaky, bit nauseas, bit dizzy and all I could hear in my head was Dr Hands asking

“How much water have you had today? What did you have for breakfast today? Water. Food. WATER! FOOD!”

Ugh, even in my head he is demanding and bossy. I walked into the pantry (yup, I have the most awesomest pantry in the world) and picked up a packet of potato chips. I am old enough to decide what I want for breakfast and if I want potato chips, then that is exactly what I’ll have!

Featured image

I dont feel well.

Sam is such a know all. He’ll know straight away, he probably knows right now, that I am feeling like crap simply because I didn’t do as he told me to and get up to eat a good and nutritious breakfast. Like seriously! Who made him GOD!!??  Even if he doesn’t read this blog, which he probably wont, he’ll know? Why can’t I think like a grown up and prepare something a little more nutritious than potato chips and coffee for breakfast?

My Auntie just rang  (Lyn) to check up on me and I said to her that sometimes Sam gets a bit cranky at me because I can be a bit of a brat and you know what she said? Oh, I can’t imagine you being a brat…. and there was soooooo much sarcasm coming through the phone that it almost drowned me.

So, now I know that I must and should eat something nutritious but all I feel like is ice cream. I am going to be one of those fat, bald, one boobed cancer patients. Yep, totally am and no one can stop me… well, until Sam gets home anyway 🙂

I failed as a patient today :(

So, how would you react if Dr Hands was standing above you at 5am asking if you wanted him to make you breakfast now or leave it to make yourself at a more respectable hour? I am sure, like me, you would thank him kindly for the offer and then tell him to get out and let you sleep a little longer. I am of an age when I can, and have, looked after myself before.

Imagine my surprise when the phone rang at 10am, waking me from another wonderful action packed dream, with Sam on the other end of the phone telling me that yes, he knew he couldn’t trust me to get up and feed myself and how he should have made me get up at 5am and that I am not doing myself any favours sleeping through breakfast and not rehydrating myself blah blah blah.

I did drag myself up, fed and watered myself, popped some pills and went back to bed at midday. Geez, talk about being bossed about!

Another bossy boots rang me today as she does everyday at 5:30pm, my mum. She always likes to check up on me to see that I am doing ok and today I told her I was tugging at my hair and eyebrows once in a while to see how well they are staying in. Mum then realised that yes, not only will my hair fall out but also my eyebrows and eyelashes. I explained to her that yes, they will fall out with my hair and I’ll end up looking like, well, a cancer patient.  Imagine that? Mum started talking about fake eyelashes and drawing on eyebrows and ended up in a fit of giggles. Geez, I love my mum 🙂

Todays Cravings

Ice-Cream! Fulfilled with a white chocolate magnum yum yum

Potato Chips – Fulfilled with small packet of smiths original potato chips

Lemonade – Had a can of this

Today’s feelings

Tiredness

Headachey (mild)

Nausea (very mild)

Hunger

Ear Ache

I don’t think I want to call the feelings – side effects – anymore. The thing is, this is how I feel. Each time I call it a side effect, it reminds me that I am doing this cancer fighting bizzo and when I am tired, I don’t want to think about cancer and chemo. I end up in a circle of confused and negative thoughts by thinking of all the horrible ‘C’ words therefore, by taking out the words ‘side effects’ and changing them to ‘feelings’, it keeps everything a bit simpler.

It isn’t as though I am trying to forget that I am fighting the breast cancer battle and having a few sessions with the ol’ chemo, but I don’t want to be dwelling on it.