Remember how I said the drugs have now changed and my chemo will be different that the last four? Well blow me down if they weren’t right. I can barely stay out of bed for half an hour, the body and bone pain never leaves, have over dosed accidentally on codeine and we all know what that does to ones bum…… enter hemorrhoids AGAIN!!
Today I’d had enough. I rang my girls (they’d be the oncology nurses who give me my chemo) who in turn rang my oncologist and here’s what we are going to do.
Dr Sid (oncologist) is sending a script via fax to my local chemist right now which I’ll get Sam to pick up on his way home. This will be a very strong pain killer.
If I am still crap tomorrow, I get two nights in a single suite at my private hospital so they can take the pain away and give me some relief.
My temperature keeps popping up to 37.9 which does make me smile because it is the temperature of 38 degrees that we have to worry about. It never really gets there.
I think that is about all I have to report on today. Please have my very sore bum in your thoughts today as well as my body and hopefully, I’ll be right as rain tomorrow.
Oh thats right, one more thing. Totally busy and preoccupied with myself, I hadn’t gotten anything for Sam for his birthday yesterday. Oh I was a right misery guts laying in bed knowing I couldn’t drive to the nearest shopping centre about 20 kilometers away when I remembered, he talked about wanting one of those full sized wine barrels. I wizzed down to the landscaping yard, in my town, bought it and they delivered it free for me. So when he got home, there it was. Phew, gotta love country folk.
When you have breast cancer, mastectomy, chemotherapy ‘we refer to chem as spa therapy for any new readers), ancillary clearances and so forth, you get given a lot of information about all of the possible side effects which I call ‘feelings’ and they really leave nothing out. The lists have all sorts of weird and wonderful feelings that ‘may’ happen like hair loss (yup, got it), mouth ulcers (nope, skipped that one), loss of appetite (have you seen the size of me? Nope missed that one too) and so on.
What was NOT on any list I have read or heard was HEMORRHOIDS.
I thought I’d broken my bum the other day as I sat crying on the loo wondering what on earth was happening down there. Was I one of those women who didn’t know they were pregnant and was actually giving birth to a child on the toilet? I have read about this quite a few times so it isn’t uncommon. Do I put my hand down there in case there is a little person that I think is a poop? Oh please let this be a poop. I don’t want to touch it, and to make you all feel better, the poop finally came out with me shrieking in ‘labor pain’ and there was no baby to rescue. Phew. AND I didn’t need to touch it ewe!
I really didn’t want to go to the local doctor about this just yet because really, we have only just met and I am constantly asking him to look at my scar where the boob used to be and he might think me a bit of a perv if I go in there and ask him to look at my bum so I did the absolute worst thing in the world and checked out Dr Google.
**Warning, unless you are completely prepared and have an iron stomach, do not type in to google, Hemorrhoids. Those pictures will never ever leave your brain**
The reasons for hemorrhoids had nothing to do with me as I read through the list, pregnancy, child birth, old age, and then there was the answer…. moving a stool. Whilst I hadn’t moved a stool as such that day, I had moved a bedside cabinet the day before and it was quite heavy!
Ah ha! I had my answer, or so I thought. Please keep in mind I am not overly bright but if something says you can get a sore bum from moving a piece of furniture, and you have moved a piece of furniture recently, then that is what you will believe.
Obviously, I wanted a ‘second’ opinion so went to another site and again, they are talking about moving stools and it clicked. Nope, it was not furniture related, a stool is a poo! Why the hell do they call it a stool? It is nothing like a stool. It is a piece of poo that comes out, not something you can invite the neighbour to sit on. Where on earth do these people come up with words like stool for a piece of poo. A poo is a poo for goodness sake.
Dr Hands came home from work and I told him the sad news of my bum and without even taking a breath to understand my pain and discomfort, he is in peels of laughter. He can’t stop. He laughs for so long and I just stand there looking at him. Wow, this is not the Dr Hands I know. Who Is He?
Once he composes himself, he yells out “Price check in aisle 3 for Hemorrhoid cream, Price check in aisle 3” and he hasn’t stopped. Three days now I have heard this being hollered through the house. As I waddle out of the toilet he laughs and laughs. I am not entirely sure why he thinks this is so funny…
The next thing is getting treatment. Remember that day I went to our little country local chemist and bought a ‘value pack’ of condoms because Pharmacy Mary said they were better value if we were going to use a lot of them…. and then a few hours later Sam went to see the same Pharmacy Mary and bought the biggest box of latex gloves…… how do I walk in and ask Pharmacy Mary for bloody hemorrhoid cream?
You are so so lucky that lunch today turned out a hell of a lot differently than I had anticipated because, this post was going to be a whole lot different. After what I thought was going to be a lovely lunch with my mum, daughter and her girlfriend I was going to come home and talk to you about hemorrhoids. BUT, the day took a turn that I was not expecting.
Accalia (daughter) had wanted to catch up for a belated birthday family lunch and me being me, and her being her, I did not find it overly strange for this request even though her birthday was in April and even though I didn’t see her on her actual birthday because she was in Perth, I have seen her since her birthday. My daughter and I can often do things a little differently and thats ok.
Anyhoo, mum was joining us so she picked me up because apparently I can’t be trusted to drive to and from a place because I can get very tired very quickly and Sam doesn’t trust me. Met Accalia at the wonderful Miss Perez and I felt a little bad that Sam didn’t join us because he, well, he is Sam and Accalias partner couldn’t make it because of work and we were sitting at a kinda big table for just the three of us.
Then there appeared two child seats to our table and I am trying to work out who on earth is joining us because I dont know many little people and suddenly my fantastic friend Nicole and her gorgeous little man Jordan arrived! Nicole is minutes away from giving birth to surprise baby number 3 and looks amazing! Then, following behind was Mia with her three gorgeous kids and I will tell you their correct names being Roarke, Juno and Olive!
It turns out that these people have been doing a wee fundraiser for the bald girl herself (thats me!). I was so surprised and humbled. I couldn’t believe it and then to hear the people involved in the background was just beautiful! I was so surprised by it all I almost lost an eyebrow (well, what’s left of them anyway).
To know that people have been buying delish chocolates that to raise money for me to splurge on myself, to do what ever it is I want just for me, was incredible.
Inside the bag was a card from Nicole and her boys (thanks for the wonderful drawing of me in bed with flowers and butterflies from Jordan), A lovely note from Mia explaining what all this money is for, photocopies of the journey they took to collect this money and get this, the money is mostly coins! I LOVE THAT! They didn’t have time to get to a bank to get it changed into notes. There is over $420 in this jar. And this is what that looks like..
I am still so shocked and amazed by the effort and work these wonderful people have gone through. To hear of the people who worked on this project was amazing, people I rarely or never see, people I do see but kept it all very quiet.
To those who read this you can be thankful not only that I have amazing people in my life but the fact you didn’t have to read about my new subject Hemorrhoids…….
And just when I think the day couldn’t get any better, I get a message from my good friends daughter Millie telling me they’ve left something in my letter box for me and OMG, it is from her sister Talia. She has bought me a gorgeous, woolly and the cutest beanie EVER! Can you guess where she got it from?
In case you can’t read backwards, it says New Zealand and I love it.
Today has been absolutely amazing and I thank each and everyone of you who have been a part of all of this and please know it means so very much to me.
I can’t wait to let you know who I intend to spoil myself…….. OMG all this money just for me???!!! Thank you everyone xx
I am a man who believes romance should never die, movies make for a great night, custom suiting is a must and creating a legacy is one's purpose. A man who holds true to this understands the gentleman's lifestyle.
Setting the world straight by complaining about and making humorous remarks towards our problems while providing solutions we should all live by. Cus' we're just really pissed off about a lot of things.