The Truth Today – and a Slight Discussion on Farts

Last Thursday, 8 days ago, I had the worst chemo ever.

What interested me the most is my Oncologist (who I think is amazing) told me that I may need panadol to help relieve some of the bone pain related to the new chemo drugs I was about to be given.

What a load of crap he was talking. I mean, I know people have their tollerances and stuff but shit, panadol? After 5 days being bed ridden, not sleeping but not awake, can’t eat and new hemorrhoids arriving, headache and skull pain that I have never felt in my life, panadol was NOT WORKING.

So, you probably got the gist in my previous post about all that and am now on Endone for pain, Coloxal + Senna to help with consitpation, Anusol for Hemorrhoids, Panadol to help with the Endone, Anti depressants because, well, this isn’t a walk in the park and a couple of anti nausea to keep everything in check. I have to have all this stuff PLUS try to eat food.

The great thing about it all, being as fat as I am, I have lost 6 kilos and am loving it. Another 25 kilos and I’ll be just fine and dandy.

Now, let me think what this blog was going to be about because I seriously had a reason for coming here tonight…

As you can see from all the medication I take, it is easy to lose track.

Oh thats it. I have a diary called the 5 year Q & A  diary. Each day, there is a new question. For instance, 19th of May, 2015 – Question – What’s the most creative thing you’ve done recently? My answer for this year, 2015 was ‘Start my ‘An Unscheduled Journey’. Next year, on the 29th of May, 2016, I will have the same question. What I love is that this diary I ordered was ordered before being diagnosed with cancer but came when I was diagnosed with cancer. This is going to be a very interesting diary.  Every day has a different question and I can imagine, over the five years, are going to have such amazing and different answers.

On the 17th of August, the question was – If you had to spend five years in prison, what would you finally have the chance to do? – My answer was – Write my life story.

It got me thinking about how many people think (and tell me) how wonderful it is that I have so much time to myself to do the things I love.

Ok, let me get a few things straight.

  1. I have cancer – I am not on holidays
  2. No full income is coming in to my bank account to allow fun times and day trips
  3. Most days I wake very ill and lethargic, no that doesn’t allow me to dance amongst the daisies
  4. Coffee with friends? They work during they day you know?
  5. Oh, spending the day with my dogs, that I have no energy to walk or play with
  6. I can watch TV and Movies all day – Did I mention I have cancer? Headaches, nausea etc? Tv and Movies do not work in this situation
  7. You think sleeping in is a bonus and such a luxury – these sleep ins are caused by cancer…. Doing it everyday for weeks on end do not make it enjoyable
  8. Gardening and enjoying free time – again, cancer takes away energy to garden and free time is recuperating.
  9. Your friends may not be able to deal with you having cancer. Deal with it and move on

Anyway, I could totally go on and on (as I do) but I think what really pisses me off is that people really think I have it good right now. My weekly spend on medication to deal with this cancer is just under $100.00 and that does not give me energy to plan my garden, clean my house, watch movies etc.

What I do love is that I have a few things such as the following

  1. Income Insurance (bills, mortgage, food)
  2. Three months of having a cleaner which has freed up time for Sam and I thanks to my gorgeous and amazing cousins and family
  3. The Bank. Our bank with our mortgage has been so kind to reduce our mortgage for the time being
  4. Obviously, the love and friendship and caring from my family, inlaws, friends, neighbours and of course Sam
  5. A beautiful home in which to recover from the shittiest and most disgusting treatment for an illness called cancer
  6. Bubbles – There is nothing like sparkling wine when I can finally stomach it
  7. My amazing furbabies
  8. Medication

Honestly, the what I love section could go on and on and on.

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Only read on if you have a strong stomach…

I dont think I will ever fart again. That is saying alot from someone like me who LOVES to trump out a tune from my but.

Now that I have to endure endone, codeine, cancer, hemorrhoids and so forth, no fart is safe….

So today, I say good bye to my fart band. The band that has seen me through many curries, bad diets, alcohol and whatever else caused them. Now, if I feel the need, I must bury my tooty fartie in the loo, for that ‘just in case’ moment. I will spare you the details of this discovery but I was sad. I did love to toot my butt tunes.

This featured image is 7 years old. It is from when Sam and I had our first ‘holiday’ on a houseboat on the Murray River for New Years. Her, I am happy, have 2 boobs, a wee bit thinner, relaxed and again, happy.

Uniden Digital Camera
Uniden Digital Camera

Do I Look Interested?

You know how some people can raise an eyebrow when they are interested in something you are saying? Well, I have never had that skill but I soon will have that skill on a semi permanent time frame.

I am losing my eyebrow. Notice there is no S on the word eyebrow? That is because only 1 eyebrow is falling out. FFS. Can’t something just happen evenly?

My head still has a small shadow of prickly hair that hasn’t fallen out. And now I am going to look interested in everything someone is saying to me!

What if someone is talking about something boring like well, I dont know, say, retaining walls? Dr Hands and Nurse John (Neighbour) talked endlessly about retaining walls when we were both building and OMG it was always sooo boring and even with my boring look face on, they would still talk and talk and talk.

In any case, that is probably the most interesting thing that has happened this week. I have slept for the majority of the week because I am still suffering this ‘fake flu’ which is a feeling from chemo. I was hoping it would have been gone by now because my next spa treatment is Thursday 2nd of July.

My other feelings this week are as follows

* Skin Dryness – Major! Thank you to my sister for that huge tub of cream.

* Tiredness/Lethargy – Major

* Flu feelings

* Headaches – Minor

Today, random photo is a very young Brady (1 year old in this photo) as he turns the big 7 years old tomorrow.

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And here is Brady in my new ‘spot’ with some of my favourite things being, my Janneeee (Auntie Janets Blanket), new bean bag paid for by Sam, my soon to be 7 year old gorgeous boy Brady, Owl slippers from my lovely Tamara, fluffy white beanie for  the cold days/nights on my nude nut from my mama and of course, the fox tell remote.

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How poshy does Brady look here LOL. Here is another not so posh

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oh ok, just one more 🙂

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What you can’t see is the glass of bubbles I have next to me while I write this post. The great thing with the spa therapy nausea, nothing makes it better or worse so bubbles are easy to digest during these times. 🙂

Five More Minutes……

I am terrible at being woken up. Always have been and always will be. If there is a chance to get another five minutes sleep, I’ll find it, beg for it and take it.

Imagine how poor Sam is going having to wake me constantly to drink, take tablets, eat etc. I just want five more minutes sleep please! But Amanda, you have been asleep for six hours, just get up for five minutes, have some water and tablets and then you can go back to sleep.

This is a daily conversation for Sam and I and I am only at day four post chemo. Yeah I know, I wrote Post Chemo Day 3 on my last post, lets just say that along with waking up, thinking isn’t a strong suit of mine right now.

Anyway, Sam and I knew that with him returning to work today, there would be the high possibility of me being in the same position in bed when he returned from work as when he left. This cancer fighting superhero stuff really does take it out of you so we came up with a great plan. Get me up before Sam goes to work to ensure I have eaten my breakfast, taken my tablets, had my water etc. Thats all well and good in theory but Sam wakes at 4am! Thankfully he didn’t wake me until 5am and I think I was so confused by everything, there was no argument for five minutes more. I was too stunned and just seemed to get up and out of bed obediently.

Of course I was back in bed as soon as my breakfast had been shoved down my throat. It really is hard to find an appetite at 5am but I know that if I don’t obey, I wont eat until Sam returns from work at about 2:30pm. Apparently that is not good for my fighting superhero powers so I shall continue to obey as much as I can.

Sam rang from work at about 10ish to instruct me to drink water and take tablets he had left next to the bed, told me he loved me and made me smile. Instead of rolling back over for more sleep, I got up and here I still am, an hour later, up and about.

Have had a little chat with my mate Summer across the road who I found putting a little handmade gift into my letterbox for me, have answered a few emails, unloaded and reloaded the dishwasher and had very in depth conversations with Brady and Kelly (My dogs).

So, what now? I don’t know to be honest. I don’t need to eat for a while. Have had my fill of water. The house is opened wide and bringing in beautiful fresh air, showing me blue skies through the windows…. how about I just enjoy the day.

This is the view from my backyard where I can sit and enjoy the world……

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Today I will stay awake a little longer, spend time in the sunshine with my dogs, maybe even try and finish that darn book by George Orwell 1984 and wait for my man to come home.

Side effects are as follows –

– nausea but only very mild and controlled by medication

– tingling scalp which isn’t really a side effect

– sneezing regularly. I am assuming my nose hairs are ready to fall out causing me to sneeze – am ready for that nose hair fur ball!

– headaches but like the nausea, mild. Having said that, I am taking tremadol for the headaches because I just couldn’t get rid of them with plain old panadol. The headaches are bearable with the tremadol but not without.

– tiredness of course, just five more minutes …..zzzzzzzzzz