Squares Make Me Happy

Remember how my Granny knitted me a square because I wanted a positive piece of my Granny to be with me through chemo. Well, it turns out my gorgeous daughter has also knitted me a square and I can’t wait to see it. She is going to bring it to chemo tomorrow to visit me and deliver the square. I was telling my mum over the phone during our nightly 5:30pm phone catch ups about these squares and said, I might collect enough squares that I can possibly make a rug out of.

How awesome would that be? (hint hint). Personally, I can’t knit but I do love the idea of squares coming along, unmatched but with their own specialness. Mum has agreed to make one too.

Accalia (daughter) has advised me hers has holes in it but really, who cares? She has made this square for me. Just like my Granny did and just like my mum is about to.

Yes, tomorrow is Spa Day commonly known as chemo. This will be the first of many and I want to thank everyone for their text messages, emails and blog messages of kindness and well wishes.

What concerns me is that I am not as worried as everyone else is expecting me to be. Does that make sense? I keep getting asked how I am coping and sending me best wishes which is all lovely and such but whilst I am not concerned about the Spa Therapy, people seem very confused that I am not.

Maybe I’ll be worried more so tomorrow than now because it is still a day away.

Here are my two girls, Kelly and Accalia.

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A visit to Granny

Today I felt like shit. Like, really yuck! I had to get up early because I had tradesmen due to be at my home between 8am and 12pm so I set my alarm, got up, showered, dressed, plugged door bell into the ensuite powerpoint, opened all the curtains and blinds and promptly went back to bed. Keep in mind that all of the windows have sheer curtains so I can see out but they can’t see in. I wanted the house to look as though I had been up for hours. Not entirely sure why I feel the importance of that but it is something I have always felt.

I hate tradies usually. I mean, they are great people and do a great job but I hate being given a four hour time frame as to when they’ll be there.

My idea of being dressed and ready and having the house looking like I’d been up for hours seemed genius to me (and my cousin Tam) and it bloody worked. One thing I didn’t bother with was putting Miss Fluff in. I put a bra on because bloody rightie is too big to be left unrestrained and blow me down with a feather, the tradies were HOT HOT HOT! Since when is a tradie hot? They are usually the older generation with lovely manners but not today. These boys were gorgeous and I should have been handing out my single friends and families phone numbers.

Tradies being hot of course is nothing to me because I have the man of my dreams but man, these guys were TV Commercial ready. Wow, who’d a thought you could get one hot tradesman let alone two??!

After they’d finished their job, I was still feeling really crappy and tired but I forced myself to jazz myself up a little more and took the drive to go and see my Granny. Remember Gran? The one I asked to knit me a square for my chemo good luck charm to be faced with a million questions? Yep, thats the one. Went to visit her and she made me laugh and I did feel better for seeing her.  I really loved her comment being that I looked great and it didn’t look like I had recently had surgery. I didn’t want to frighten her by lifting up my t-shirt and showing her how recent surgery really did look hehe. She is just gorgeous though. We talked of many things as one does with Grannys and I just loved seeing her.  This is a photo of my gran from geez, I recon about 30 or more years ago but trust me, she looks no different but boy she is shrinking. I could almost put her in my pocket and bring her home. She’d be like a pocket granny. How cool would that be?

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Although I still felt crap by the time I got home, I am so glad I went to visit her because as we all know, my internal spa therapy (chemo) starts on Thursday arvo so I have been trying to get some jobs and visits done before this starts. How do you prepare for the unknown though?

I have been a bit snappy and Dr Hands said to me tonight that it is ok to blog about being scared of the internal spa therapy and you know what? I am not scared of it but I hate that I don’t know what it is going to be like for ME. I do love that people have told me that for them it has been ok or they’ve only had a bit of tiredness or nausea but how can I plan my life around the unknown? How do I know that I am going to be ok and be able to catch up with friends on the weekend? How do I know what I am going to feel like to eat or drink or do.

These are the things that give me the shits and make me snappy and cranky. Thankfully, my lovely bubbles have worked wonders in suppressing said feelings of the night time but they just dont work well with my morning gluten free weet bix.

I thought I had something funny happen today to tell you but for the life of me, I can’t remember so I will just leave you with my words of wisdom for the early morning tradies and how to sleep until they ring that door bell.

Thats it for me tonight. I am going to bed early (9:02pm) because I want to try and tackle some more of my George Orwells 1984 and get a decent night sleep.

I am still happy, feeling confident of a long, happy and healthy life so please dont take these recent shitty days as a pattern. Once my internal spa therapy starts, at least I’ll know what I will be in for during the next six months. xx

My Chemo Date is Revealed

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May 21st, 2015, 12:30pm. This will be session 1 for my chemotherapy.

My neighbour doesn’t like the word chemo and wants to use a new word for it. If you have any ideas, send them through and we’ll brain storm tomorrow over coffee to come up with a word she will be happier with.

Guess what I worked out a week ago, the most annoying boob of the two is the one who was taken. You know that pesky hair or two we all have on a boob? Well sucked in leftie, you had the hair and you can no longer annoy me anymore with that hair. And don’t you ladies pretend you don’t know what I’m talking about. There is usually that one chin hair and one boob hair, both of which get really annoying as you age because they are harder to pluck due to failing eyesight! Well, one hair down. Now, I hope I don’t get chin cancer because I can deal with that one. Having said all that, there wont be many hair problems for me for a while anyway.

On a puppy dog note, Kelly is getting better on her antibiotics and her cough is reducing. Brady doesn’t seem to be showing any signs of having this Kennel Cough so there’s a bit of good news for my babies.

Remember the conversation I had with my Granny because I wanted her to knit me a square so I could have a piece of my Granny to take to chemo with me? Well, here it is and I Love it! Pictured with it are the lovely crystals sent to me from my  cousins Kelly and Sherri. People have been so generous and kind.

Miss Fluff goes beyond the call of duty.

Oh hi there, Sorry about yesterday, I had another down day and didn’t have much I wanted to talk about so I didn’t. But I’m back now.

Let me start by saying that I finished that book I was reading called ‘The Girl On The Train’ and I really really enjoyed it. I am now reading George Orwells 1984 and boy, it is hard going. The train book was an easy and quick read but 1984 is proving to need my full attention and I can not be Endone affected during the read.

Miss Fluff and I have had a few adventures lately and she is doing great. My pain is subsiding now and the berlei bra is a lot more comfortable now, oh, and the swelling has gone down heaps! Don’t forget that I am also drippy free too. Life really is lovely right now.

Yesterday, I had a bit of an upset stomach and my Granny always said lemonade and plain potato chips was the perfect due to cure this. Was it any wonder a few of us grand kids always got tummy aches at Grannys?? But let me tell you, that was a much better remedy that mums damp face washer remedy that she always gave me! So I grabbed both the lemonade and plain potato chips and was gobbling down these chips when one missed my mouth and guess what… MISS FLUFF CAUGHT IT! OMG, it was like the original leftie was still there. She always caught food that fell from my mouth and held it there until I picked it up and popped it in my mouth. It was that moment that I truly fell in love with Miss Fluff. She acted like the shelf I need during these times and did it perfectly.

Today Sam and I went for our flu shots (+ a whooping cough one for Sam) in preparation for my 6 months of chemo which starts in a few weeks. We figure it is best to try and be as organised and prepared as possible to try and avoid illness while my immune system is low.

We have also decided to follow my friend Tracey’s advise on loading my body full of good vitamin and mineral foods and such. It wont be too much different to our usual diet but we are excluding as many ‘fake foods’ as possible such as pre packaged sauce mixes, tinned foods and processed foods. Being the coeliac that I am, I don’t eat too many processed foods and vary rarely do I eat take out so it will not be too hard.

I will be getting my blood work done next week to check all of my vitamin levels to see where I am at and what I need.

OH I totally forgot to tell you about my Granny. She is hilarious. I rang her for her birthday on the 26th of April and she was so surprised to hear from me (I’m not sure why that is but it was lovely to hear her surprise all the same) and we chatted about her birthday (don’t tell anyone but can you believe she is 88?) and then I asked her if she would mind knitting me a square so I could have it for my chemo trips. I was thinking that with my cousins’ lovely healing crystals they had sent me from Byron Bay and a square of knitting from my Granny, I would be all set with my healing things. So Granny says, what do you mean you want a square? How big do you want the square? What is it for? She has a lot of questions this Granny of mine and I say that I just want a Granny knitted square to take with me to chemo as a good luck thing. She then goes on about ‘Whats a square going to do? How big again do you want it? I then tell her how my cousins Kelly and Sherri had sent me three gorgeous healing crystals that I had taken into hospital with me and Granny was all gushy saying how wonderfully thoughtful that was and then still questions me about this square of knitting I want. So I just say, Granny, please just knit me a square ok and we both laugh and move on 🙂 Geez I love that woman.

Happy Saturday Night – I wish I had a glass of bubbles 😦