The Pain of obtaining Pain Relief

How does someone become a prescription drug addict? I can’t even get a prescription without a lecture that goes on for so long and I feel like I am asking for a kilo of methamphetamine instead of some painkillers.

Pain relief

It is so very frustrating to be told constantly when in hospital to mention to a nurse when in pain and don’t try to be strong or to push through the pain. But, when you do that, you get a ‘look’ from a nurse, a few questions as to if the pain really is as bad as I think, lectures on addiction, constipation etc.

Now that I am home recovering from surgery, I get the ‘look’ and lecture from the local doctor who has told me she will not be looking to fill my request for this particular pain relief (oxycodone aka endone) should I require any more and will look at an alternative.

Lets get something straight. I have had a huge flap of skin taken from my stomach and placed onto my chest. A big blob of fat, muscle and blood vessels were then placed with this flap to create a new breast. The skin on my stomach was then streeeeeeetched to cover the big space now created by the missing flap and all sewn together.

Yes, I do think I am in enough pain to justify some hard-core pain killers thanks.

I know it has been a week and a half since my surgery but for goodness sake, I didn’t have my tonsils removed. I had some pretty major surgery that I think justifies the need to take these painkillers.

I know there are many people who have become addicts of these painkillers and I know they are very addictive (if you can actually get a script) but I really feel that there are times when the medical profession has to step out of their ‘all fit in one box’ mindset and realize there are some people in genuine pain. There are some people that really need these pain killers.

Why do I have to be made to feel like a criminal or drug addict when requesting a script for some pain relief? I have a drain sticking out of me, can’t walk straight for very long, can’t sit or stand for long periods of time. I think it is pretty obvious that pain relief is required.

Anyhoo, that is my rant for that situation.

I am expecting some backlash from this blog because yes, there is a terrible epidemic of prescription drug addicts and they purchase these on the black market or doctor shop etc but, my point is, not everyone is doing that. Some people are in genuine pain. I think anyone who has suffered serious pain will totally understand where I am coming from.

Thankfully I have a gorgeous cleavage to look down upon to make me happy for a moment and to remind me that this was my decision to have the surgery. I do tell myself to ‘suck it up’ about twenty times a day but in between these times, I’d like some pain relief thanks.

No, it isn’t time to see my new boob, maybe next blog 😉

i have boobies

8th and Final Chemo Today!!

You’d think I’d be excited wouldn’t you but nope, I feel nothing. I think it is because it isn’t over but I know, in about two or three weeks when the poison has gone from my body that I’ll be feeling amazing.

So, in preparation for today’s chemo I have put my make up on minus the eye make up because there are no lashes there, I spiked up my hair (with sorbeline cream), and put on the same lipstick I wore for my first chemo. I perked me up somewhat.

Today’s session shouldn’t take that long either which is good because I think I made a bit of a boo boo last night. I had my pre chemo medication after dinner last night and they usually keep me up for a little longer than usual because they are steroid based but last night, instead of taking three Valium to go with the steroids, I think I grabbed three of the steroids.

That would explain a totally and completely sleepless night. I finally fell asleep at 7am to be woken about 8:30am by Dr Hands with my breakfast and more pre chemo meds and said that I was three short. So that confirms my suspicions.

Now, I have to ask my oncologist not only for more endone, which is another drug I hate but also three dexis. He is sure to think I am a drug addict of sorts but what he wont know is that I hate both drugs. Endone stops my poop, as the world now knows, and doesn’t let me sleep. The steroids make me grumpy and stop me sleeping. So, once I am finished taking those, I will be over the moon.

So, thats my story for today.

IMG_0004

No dog piccies today, its all about the 8th and final chemo session. Shame you can’t see my gorgeous platinum white blonde spiky hair in this pic but trust me, its there. And I think I have two hairs coming through on my eye brows!

The Truth Today – and a Slight Discussion on Farts

Last Thursday, 8 days ago, I had the worst chemo ever.

What interested me the most is my Oncologist (who I think is amazing) told me that I may need panadol to help relieve some of the bone pain related to the new chemo drugs I was about to be given.

What a load of crap he was talking. I mean, I know people have their tollerances and stuff but shit, panadol? After 5 days being bed ridden, not sleeping but not awake, can’t eat and new hemorrhoids arriving, headache and skull pain that I have never felt in my life, panadol was NOT WORKING.

So, you probably got the gist in my previous post about all that and am now on Endone for pain, Coloxal + Senna to help with consitpation, Anusol for Hemorrhoids, Panadol to help with the Endone, Anti depressants because, well, this isn’t a walk in the park and a couple of anti nausea to keep everything in check. I have to have all this stuff PLUS try to eat food.

The great thing about it all, being as fat as I am, I have lost 6 kilos and am loving it. Another 25 kilos and I’ll be just fine and dandy.

Now, let me think what this blog was going to be about because I seriously had a reason for coming here tonight…

As you can see from all the medication I take, it is easy to lose track.

Oh thats it. I have a diary called the 5 year Q & A  diary. Each day, there is a new question. For instance, 19th of May, 2015 – Question – What’s the most creative thing you’ve done recently? My answer for this year, 2015 was ‘Start my ‘An Unscheduled Journey’. Next year, on the 29th of May, 2016, I will have the same question. What I love is that this diary I ordered was ordered before being diagnosed with cancer but came when I was diagnosed with cancer. This is going to be a very interesting diary.  Every day has a different question and I can imagine, over the five years, are going to have such amazing and different answers.

On the 17th of August, the question was – If you had to spend five years in prison, what would you finally have the chance to do? – My answer was – Write my life story.

It got me thinking about how many people think (and tell me) how wonderful it is that I have so much time to myself to do the things I love.

Ok, let me get a few things straight.

  1. I have cancer – I am not on holidays
  2. No full income is coming in to my bank account to allow fun times and day trips
  3. Most days I wake very ill and lethargic, no that doesn’t allow me to dance amongst the daisies
  4. Coffee with friends? They work during they day you know?
  5. Oh, spending the day with my dogs, that I have no energy to walk or play with
  6. I can watch TV and Movies all day – Did I mention I have cancer? Headaches, nausea etc? Tv and Movies do not work in this situation
  7. You think sleeping in is a bonus and such a luxury – these sleep ins are caused by cancer…. Doing it everyday for weeks on end do not make it enjoyable
  8. Gardening and enjoying free time – again, cancer takes away energy to garden and free time is recuperating.
  9. Your friends may not be able to deal with you having cancer. Deal with it and move on

Anyway, I could totally go on and on (as I do) but I think what really pisses me off is that people really think I have it good right now. My weekly spend on medication to deal with this cancer is just under $100.00 and that does not give me energy to plan my garden, clean my house, watch movies etc.

What I do love is that I have a few things such as the following

  1. Income Insurance (bills, mortgage, food)
  2. Three months of having a cleaner which has freed up time for Sam and I thanks to my gorgeous and amazing cousins and family
  3. The Bank. Our bank with our mortgage has been so kind to reduce our mortgage for the time being
  4. Obviously, the love and friendship and caring from my family, inlaws, friends, neighbours and of course Sam
  5. A beautiful home in which to recover from the shittiest and most disgusting treatment for an illness called cancer
  6. Bubbles – There is nothing like sparkling wine when I can finally stomach it
  7. My amazing furbabies
  8. Medication

Honestly, the what I love section could go on and on and on.

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Only read on if you have a strong stomach…

I dont think I will ever fart again. That is saying alot from someone like me who LOVES to trump out a tune from my but.

Now that I have to endure endone, codeine, cancer, hemorrhoids and so forth, no fart is safe….

So today, I say good bye to my fart band. The band that has seen me through many curries, bad diets, alcohol and whatever else caused them. Now, if I feel the need, I must bury my tooty fartie in the loo, for that ‘just in case’ moment. I will spare you the details of this discovery but I was sad. I did love to toot my butt tunes.

This featured image is 7 years old. It is from when Sam and I had our first ‘holiday’ on a houseboat on the Murray River for New Years. Her, I am happy, have 2 boobs, a wee bit thinner, relaxed and again, happy.

Uniden Digital Camera
Uniden Digital Camera

To Poop or Not to Poop… that is the question

Here it is ladies and gentlemen. The one you have been waiting for. The Poop Blog.

There are a few ‘oldies’ here that followed my previous blog ‘I Woke Up Fat’ discussing the time, well, when I woke up fat. These people know my fascination for poop and have been waiting, I’m sure, for it to pop along here somewhere. Well, it has and here it is.

I don’t know where my fascination for pooping came from but its here and I love to poop. Imagine my concern, my terror, my absolute horror, when I could poop no more. Three whole days without a single poop occured after surgery. Not even a ‘need’ to poop. Nothing. WHERE IS MY POOP!!??

Turns out, my new friend Endone takes away your poop. So who do I chose. Do I keep my new friend Endone who takes away the pain of my recent boobectimy and lymph nodes or do I turn my back on Endone and wait for my great mate Poop?

Once I had worked out that I can’t have both in my life at one time, I did turn my back on Endone. Today I made the decision to give it up. Go cold turkey with Endone.  I didn’t want to be so harsh and I felt just awful for it but I was worried about where the poop was going? Where do you store poop when not plopping it into the loo? I am big enough that I dont want to create more room on this very womanly body to have a holding bay for my poop. I am eating and drinking so I know it is in there somewhere. So I kicked my friend Endone to the curb, well, kitchen bench and took a couple of panadol and went about my day.

As time went on, I felt poop return. It was only a little niggle but I knew it was there. I smiled. I almost even blushed. It was almost time.

Once the time came, I almost skipped into the toilet but refrained due to drippy still being attached to me, and down I sat, ready for poop.

It was over so quick. I couldn’t believe that a few days of food and water and that was all I had. A rabbit could do more than this. To say I was disappointed was an understatement. There were almost tears. I didn’t even feel this robbed when leftie was taken. WHERE IS MY POOP DAMN IT!

Thankfully, there was a better outcome a little later but not my usual release of amazingness. That will come back I am sure. But what did come back was the pain. Oh the pain! And it was not the pain of missing my poop, this time it was the real pain. The wound pain, ooooh no, now it was time to say goodbye to my poop again. This is getting really quite difficult to balance.

Endone won. 2 Endone were had tonight due to the pain and discomfort and bossy Dr Hands (Sam) giving me a lecture on keeping up with the pain medication and didn’t I listen to the nurses in the hospital and blah blah blah. Does he not know what it is like to miss your Poop?

And who the bloody hell says Endone makes you sleepy? It does not make me sleepy!! Well, it makes me dopey, ok ok, dopier than usual. And slow. It makes me slow. Imagine a turtle, with big rubber boots on, and a brick on its back, having eaten too much at dinner, and maybe had a few glasses of champagne, that is how I feel after Endone. But asleep I am not. It also makes me think which is waaay out there because I dont think I am much of a thinker usually. I try not to dwell on things or go over things but once Endone is around, I think a lot. And obviously babble on about all sorts of nothings 🙂

So that was my Sunday. Deciding who I wanted to be friends with more. Poop or Endone.

On a brighter note, I am heading to the hospital in the morning to hopefully get drippy removed. I will chat to the nurses then about how to balance this current issue of mine. They’ll have the answers, they are amazing people.