Draining the Drain

When you have certain types of surgery, you have drains inserted into the surgical site to drain away the yucky fluid that builds up in said site in the hope to avoid infection.

I had three drains after my tram flap surgery and was lucky enough to have two removed before I went home because they’d stopped draining. One was left in which is on my left side in my lower abdomen.

Well, this drain has been working its little drainface off until yesterday.

Sam has to change the drain bottle when it gets to 300ml and has done this quite a few times since I have been home but after yesterdays drain bottle change, we noticed there wasn’t anything draining. I looked at the drain site where it goes into my body and I can see the stitch that is meant to be inside my body holding the drain in place. Thankfully the drain tube does go a fair way into the body so I knew, ok Sam assured me, that it wasn’t going to come out but, it seems there is a problem.

I have sprung a leak.

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There is yucky fluid all over my side. I woke up in a swamp of fluid. A ghetto of goop. Just disgusting sticky puss looking stuff.

What this means is that I not only have to go to the emergency ward at St Andrews but, I have to wash my hair in the sink and the body parts that don’t have bandages on them. Make myself look and smell human again. I have to find clothes that don’t restrict the surgical sites and pack a bag in case they keep me in.

No, I don’t think they’ll keep me in for the drain issue but perhaps for the pain issue.

Geez I was a mess last night. Like seriously, a blubbering girly snotty redfaced mess.

oh and do you know what I absolutely hate about being a blubbering girly sook? My voice. When I try to speak it is the dumbest sound you have ever heard. All high pitched and gaspy and damn well embarrassing. Not to mention my face as well while we are discussing it. Big red bulbous nose, red cheeks etc. Not a pretty little tear stained face with gentle sobs like the movies.

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Sam picked up the script from the chemist that my surgeon had organised for me but, I was too frightened to take them in case I ran out again but the pain was excruciating by this time. My last lot of pain killers had been taken in the morning and it was now after 5pm and I could barely breath let alone do anything else.

So, I did it. I took two tablets and then cried and cried and cried. I cried because of the pain, I cried because of how difficult it was to obtain the pain killers, more tears because of the pain, tears because Sam has to put up with me, tears because chickens are being sold for $3 per kilo at Aldi and I think they are selling those beautiful birds for too cheap (it might be here that the pain killers had started to kick in).

As you can see, it is quite the roller coaster of emotions at the moment but I recall from my mastectomy days when the pain was almost as intolerable, my surgeon considered popping me back into hospital. I do not partially love the idea but I hate the pain that I have too. I also recall that I didn’t become a pain killer addict and I got through it as I will this time too.

So, for the moment, I will sit and enjoy my cup of coffee and try not to think of how cheap chicken is in the supermarket and how they deserve more as do the chicken farmers, but only the free range chicken farmers because we all hate the cage chicken farmers  and take a few pain killers.

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Talk soon xx

No sympathy needed – just a quick cry

Today I cried.

I woke early and no, that is not what made me cry. There seemed to be a lot of noise in the ‘village’ today so up I got at the ripe old time of 7am. I felt good. I felt hungry and hungry for more than just potato chips so up I got, coffee machine on, griller on and off I went. Toast with coffee and barocca. No headache or nausea tablets needed thanks.

Still no reason to cry.

On went the TV to my favourite hit music channel and all my favourite songs are playing, one after the other.  There was that new one from Taylor Swift – Bad Blood, then the cute one from Ed Sheeran with the clips of him as a little kid, my current favourite song of the moment by Andy Grammar – Honey I’m Good. I was bopping along loving life and then it happened.

Tears.

Not just a tear here or there but a flood of them. WTF? Where did these come from? They weren’t stopping anytime soon either. They just kept coming.

The thing is, I wasn’t crying for me. There was no, why me or, I am addicted to the cancer drugs give me more, or pity me poor me etc. I was just crying. And no, I am not addicted to any of the medications.

My crying went on for three songs. So whats that? About 12 minutes I think.

I cried for Sam for having to put up and deal with this crap.

I cried for my daughter and my mum for having to worry about me instead of loving and enjoying every moment of life.

I cried for my friends and family who love and care and worry for me.

I even cried for my dogs for not having a fun mummy as they were peacefully sleeping on the sofa when I had specifically asked them to stop sleeping on the sofa.

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I cried for the messy en-suite. Dirty floors. Empty coffee cup.

Finally, after my three songs, I stopped and am now back to normal. It was weird and I know, you, the reader may think, or even say, you are entitled to cry. The thing is, I haven’t really done this crying thing since the diagnosis. I have had a tear and a cuddle with my man here and there but those sobs from this morning, wow, that was out there.

Now that it is done, another favourite song is on, Ellie Goulding – Love me like you do.

So, while I listen to this song, I’ll phone the vet and book Kelly in to have her bubble ear looked at and get on with my day.

My smile is back 🙂

Thanks for listening