Why? Why why why why…..!!!!!????

Why would someone build a house with cupboard so high that the fire department is required to be called in to reach something at the top.

Why would someone even think of putting something so high? How did HE even reach that high and why? Why would you put something so important, something required for my health and well being?

Have a look yourself and see if you can tell what I am talking about?! Excuse all of the exclamation marks today but I am bewildered right now…

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I have put the pig on the bench which represents my height. Pig sits next to my lifeline, the coffee machine. Up there, in the corner, is the BAG OF COFFEE BEANS!!!!!! Who does this? I know Sam and I had a hand in the design of the house but at no time did I think anyone in their right mind would put coffee beans somewhere near SATURN! Call NASA because Adelaide, We Have a Problem.

Ok, maybe I am being a wee bit over dramatic because there were coffee beans in the coffee grinder but what if I had visitors? What if I needed double the amount of coffee than usual? Yeah well, you didn’t think of THAT did you Sam!!??

That is all.

Being a Brat!

This morning I woke to nothing. No angry phone calls from Dr Hands telling me to get up and drink and eat. No text messages from Dr Hands asking if I was up yet? No dogs barking. Nothing. It was quiet, peaceful, perfect. The time? 9:40am.

Wow, so no wake up from Dr Hands this morning at 5am like I expected after yesterdays debacle. I was expecting a plate full of food to be shoved in my face at 5am with a bucket of water to drink and a few tablets to ward off nausea and headaches but nope, nothing.

I felt liberated. I stretched and then realised that still kinda hurts (remember, breast and lymph nodes removal?), I curled back up in my gorgeous and amazing bed and then felt the rumblings of the double dose of coloxal + senna to make me poop. I had taken a double dose last night because it has been a few days since the old pooper has been in action and wow, hello to four days worth of poop! It was disgusting.

Moving on…

I wandered out into the kitchen to put the coffee machine on and noticed the dogs had had full run of the house and were tucked up on MY SOFA!  HMPH! I had put a fresh clean sheet on my sofa yesterday and fluffed up pillows and had a blanket there ready for last night and today when I needed a change of scenery from bed and wanted something a little fresher smelling than the usual dog smelling sofa.

Well, that effort was totally wasted because Kelly had not only been sleeping on this all morning but had cleaned her feet while laying there and left big wet splotches all over the sofa. This was a little message from Sam. I know it was. He would normally have the dogs up the other end of the house with the hallway door shut so as to not disturb me. Not today.

After making my coffee, catching up on emails, still smiling to myself because I didn’t need Dr Hands to be at my beck and call and I could look after myself, I started to feel a bit sick in my stomach. So I made another coffee and prepared a barocca.

These didn’t make me feel better either. I was a bit shaky, bit nauseas, bit dizzy and all I could hear in my head was Dr Hands asking

“How much water have you had today? What did you have for breakfast today? Water. Food. WATER! FOOD!”

Ugh, even in my head he is demanding and bossy. I walked into the pantry (yup, I have the most awesomest pantry in the world) and picked up a packet of potato chips. I am old enough to decide what I want for breakfast and if I want potato chips, then that is exactly what I’ll have!

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I dont feel well.

Sam is such a know all. He’ll know straight away, he probably knows right now, that I am feeling like crap simply because I didn’t do as he told me to and get up to eat a good and nutritious breakfast. Like seriously! Who made him GOD!!??  Even if he doesn’t read this blog, which he probably wont, he’ll know? Why can’t I think like a grown up and prepare something a little more nutritious than potato chips and coffee for breakfast?

My Auntie just rang  (Lyn) to check up on me and I said to her that sometimes Sam gets a bit cranky at me because I can be a bit of a brat and you know what she said? Oh, I can’t imagine you being a brat…. and there was soooooo much sarcasm coming through the phone that it almost drowned me.

So, now I know that I must and should eat something nutritious but all I feel like is ice cream. I am going to be one of those fat, bald, one boobed cancer patients. Yep, totally am and no one can stop me… well, until Sam gets home anyway 🙂