Who Am I?

Well, I have given Sams head a break today and have not taken a bite out of it like I did yesterday. We ended our day with a gorgeous walk with the dogs and both of us felt much better for it.

Then, I had another night where I struggled to find tiredness. I read an entire book on Chickens that had been given to me by a lovely lady by the name of Sally. She is my mums friend and neighbour and has been absolutely lovely sending up bubbles, treats and books. Once I had finished the chicken book, I read a few chapters of a novel called “Odd Socks” which, thankfully, makes me sleepy.

I turned off my bedside light at 12:3oam!

Even though it took me a while to get sleepy, I did sleep well through the night until 7am. Then, my little peepers opened and I was wide awake!

I am never wide awake at that time. In fact, I am never wide awake at 10am! I got up and even Brady didn’t get up thinking I was going to go to the toilet and head back to bed.

Once he realised I was heading for the bedroom door to exit instead of heading to the ensuite, it looked as though he raised his eyebrows, he got up to head out with me.

Sam slept for a further half an hour which, is unheard of. So, when he got up and saw me at my computer desk, drinking my coffee, he was very surprised. Add to that, I was out in the street with my gorgeous Brady for a walk by 9:30am. Again, another unheard off…….

Today is day 9 without alcohol. Am I counting? Yep. It is a very difficult thing to give up for a stretch of time let alone during summer in Adelaide. There is nothing nicer than sitting out under the pergola with a nice cold glass of bubbles watching the sun set.

I am doing it though.

So, it seems this new alcohol free, reduced sugar intake, exercising person I have become now likes to wake up at the crack of dawn (7am is the crack of dawn for me) and get moving.

I have changed maaaaaaan.

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About my girls.

So, they have been with us for more than 24 hours now and they are doing well.

I was worried if they were drinking water because it is quite warm in Adelaide at the moment. When I popped into see them when I had gotten home from my future mother in laws house, there they were, all three girls drinking. 🙂 This made me very happy.

Have you ever seen a chicken vomit? Well, I have. Today, after their big drink, Steffie Forrester ‘leaked’ out a heap of water from her beak. It wasn’t like a chunky vomit, just a heap of water but I think she might have drunk a little bit too much. Steffie and I have quite a bit in common.

She doesn’t stop eating and obviously, when given a drink, guzzles it too quick hehe.

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Before I leave, with my new healthy lifestyle, I have put on a kilo!!! ARGH!

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Thank you and Ugh!

So, I would like to take a moment to thank everyone for all of their amazing messages of support.

Thank you.

I had a tough moment or two last week. The messages received were so encouraging and amazing. Yes, I do read each and everyone of them and feel so fortunate to have genuine and amazing people on my side.

Every so often, I guess it happens to all of us, I feel crap. Thankfully these times are not often or regular but when they hit, they hit hard.

I am incredibly lucky to have not only Dr Hands and my mum and my daughter but each and every family member and friend around when I need them.

So thank you for each and every message. They all mean the world to me.

On to the Ugh bit of my blog this week.

My half hair and half bald head has a bloody pimple on it! A PIMPLE!

I have hair growing around the side and back of my head but not in the middle and this is where that bloody pimple decides to show up. Who the hell gets pimples on their head!? Never have I had a pimple on my head!! And it isn’t a gentle quiet pimple, it is a red and angry one and no, I can not squeeze it. My head skin is very delicate.

Radiation stuff.

I have some burning now on my collarbone which is very discoloured and a bit yucky to look at, my mastectomy scar is itchy and there has been a bit of fatigue. Absolutely NOTHING like chemo so I will try hard not to complain too much.

Did you know, that with radiation, the best cream to use is Calendular cream. It needs to be applied to each radiation spots (4 places for me) three times a day.

And, did you know, not many chemists sell this cream. More running around needed to buy this cream but totally worth it. I have heard some terrible horror stories about radiation skin irritations from those who are not protecting their skin with this.

Thankfully my ‘team’ at the clinic told me that in no uncertain terms am I to use nothing but Calendular cream.

Ummmm, I think that is about it for me.

Oh hang on. I have something else for those who dont follow me on facebook.

I had an energy spurt today and took my gorgeous boy Brady for a walk to the post office and on our way, we came across this little fellow. One minute into our walk and I can tell you, the rest of my walk was spent with my head down, eyes scanning the pavement, road and bushes on the sidewalk.

Here in South Australia the snakes are out in force. Especially around the Adelaide Hills and where we live, there is a wetlands area full of frogs. This is where these snakes are headed apparently. Wanting the sunshine and something to eat with some water. For once, I had Brady (my gorgeous groodle/golden doodle) on a leash. Goodness knows what he would have done with this snake had he been off leash.

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Plodding Along

The title says it all. I honestly feel like I am just plodding along through life and I feel lost. Each day (during the week) feels the same. Poor Dr Hands is really struggling to cheer me up and I want to cheer up but I can’t. I just feel down. I feel nothing. I don’t feel happiness.

I thought I would feel this through the recovering from surgery phase. I didn’t.

I thought I would feel it through chemotherapy. I didn’t.

Yes, there were times that I struggled here and there through each of the above but the feelings were so far and few between.

Recovering from surgery was ok because I was inundated with such lovely visitors, love, flowers, gifts, medication etc.

Chemotherapy I had Sam feeding, drugging and watering me. People (my mum) visiting and the neighbours caring for me. Medication to make me feel better and there seemed like a kind of purpose to it all.

Now, I am having radiotherapy and I am all twisted in the head. Is it possible that radiation brings you down? I have struggled with anxiety disorder for many years and I wonder if the radiotherapy has cancelled my medication out?

Or, is it the drive to and from the city each day, sitting in a waiting room that is depressing and full of very old people that brings me down?

Maybe it is the Radiotherapy clinic I attend that brings me down.

The oncology unit I went to for chemo was always upbeat and all of the staff knew me and smiled and hello’d me. Some would ask me about my blog and if Sam wasn’t with me they would ask about him by name.

The radiotherapy unit is different. The receptionists (except one) are grumpy and not at all friendly. The patients in the waiting room are all elderly and so frail looking. I want to feed these people and make them smile but they wont look at me let alone talk to me.

There is a big difference between oncology and radiation.

And another thing. Have I told you that I have lymphodema? Well, I had my first lymphodema massage two weeks ago and oh wow, it was amazing. I loved it. One hour of left arm and left side massage was incredible.

Well, I had another of these appointments today and it was shit. There was no lovely massage but it was some kind of laser therapy. I dont want that. This laser thing just flashed and beeped for an hour as the lady ran from room to room changing all the laser thingies on each of us but it sucked. I wanted my massage. Where was my massage?

The massage/laser lady said that there had been a slight improvement in my elbow crease but the rest of my arm had remained the same. All of my own personal massage and squeezing of the memory foam thingy had done nothing. I want my massage back.

This laser therapy was so much like having my car tuned. I pay a fortune but can’t see or feel any difference.

Then, I had my radiation appointment which was 2 hours and 20 minutes after my crap laser therapy so I took myself out for lunch which was amazing. I went to a city cafe and they made me a gorgeous, gluten free and tender chicken tenderloin salad with a hint of sweet chili and balsamic salad. Amazing!

I had been told that the whole of South Terrace (where my clinic for radiotherapy is) would be closed off today so I made sure I had at least an hour and a half to find some where to park (imagining a two block walk) only to find that the entire of South Terrace was not blocked off at all. The work men had resurfaced the road on the weekend instead so, I ended up parking right in front of my clinic in a two hour spot and at my appointment one hour and twenty minutes early! FFS.

Blow me down with a feather but they had a free spot that someone had cancelled (it was hot today so the patient couldn’t come in) and I went in and was zapped in no time. Quick hello to Professor Borg (he is monitoring my treatment and wont let me lose any weight until after radiotherapy) and I was on my way.

Driving home I said to me,

“Me, I think you should have an alcohol free day today”

I was home for 10 minutes before getting back into the car to drive to the local bottle shop to get some bubbles. No, I do not think I am an alcoholic. Yes, I love the bubbles fizzing on my tongue hehe. AND it is nice on my sore radiation infected throat. It is medicinal!!!

As anyone knows, I do not like the words side effects but use the word ‘feelings’ when it comes to something that has occurred during treatment.

Here are my feelings with radiotherapy.

  1. Burnt throat. It feels like tonsillitis. When I eat or drink it hurts and feels like the liquid or food has to go through a big lump in my throat to get down. The Professor has recommended taking two pandadol before each meal. This is silly because apparently you are only supposed to take a maximum of 8 panadol a day. Has he seen the size of me? Obviously I eat more than three times a day!! Not anymore.
  2. Redness on my shoulder, front and back. So, I am being zapped not only on the ‘bomb site’ but also my collar bone and shoulder because of being HER2 positive and the cancer being known to pop into these areas. The bomb site, where my lovely leftie boobie was taken from, is slightly itchy but nothing too bad.
  3. Depression. I’ll work out why that is occurring and will get back to you.

As usual, Dr Hands is on call for cuddles, kisses and love. He is worried about me, I can see this and I am trying so very hard to make this easier for him but it is hard. He has known me too long and can see straight through me.

If you are new to this blog, Dr Hands is my fiancee Sam and he doesn’t read this blog (Phew).

The recent highlights are

  1. My gorgeous and amazing daughter, Accalia-Jayne, came with me to my herceptin appointment and radiotherapy appointment last Thursday. We had coffee between appointments and after appointments. This girl of mine (22 years old) is an amazing person and can make me laugh, can hold a conversation and has amazing social skills and manners.
  2. My team from work’s Christmas Lunch. I haven’t seen these people since April 7 2015. I love that I was invited to the Christmas Lunch and they all had a hug for me, made me laugh and feel a part of the team again. AND, they want me back hehe. I’ll be back at work soon and I can’t wait!
  3. A trip to the beach with my long time friend Tracey, her son Ben and my gorgeous boy (groodle dog) Brady. We started with a drive to Willunga for lunch and then proceeded to Aldinga Beach where I watched Ben (who is aged 4 foot?? I think about 6 or 7 years old??) encourage Brady into the water with no effort at all. I have never seen Brady in the beach water or, so bloody clean after being in the water! Check out the photo below, Ben took Brady much further into the water but I like to live my life through my eyes and not a camera.
  4. A lovely and gentle visit from my Mum on Saturday. She always makes me feel calm and relaxed
  5. Sam bought me a Santa to go with the Reindeer! He is getting into the Christmas spirit (or just suffering for the cause).
  6. I made a new friend today. Leslie has recently been diagnosed with breast cancer and has MY surgeon and MY hospital. She seems amazing (we are communicating via facebook) but I must remember, these early times of being told of having breast cancer are frightening and I must be sensitive. (I am quite blase about it all at the moment and do not want to be like that with a new cancer patient).
  7. I am still alive.

I shall leave you with a giggle, if you have the giggleness of my neighbour Clare who thought these two photos were hilarious!

Photo 1. Dogs plus reindeer, all happy and awake. Kelly (red staffy x) and Brady Bailey-Wilkinson (white groodle) are kissing in front of Smiley (reindeer)

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This is after all the fun and games

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Ben and Brady

You’re So Vain….

When I was younger, I was amazing. I was gorgeous. No one could resist me. Just ask the younger me and that is what she would say. I was blonde, very thin and naive. I was dopey which, apparently guys loved as much as a slim waist.

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Obviously as one grows older, they grow outter (larger) sometimes, wrinklier, fatter etc.

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Me? Well, I never thought I would be anything other than amazing. I really wasn’t even that amazing but at the time? Well, I thought I was amazing and that is all that matters.

Today, a friend of Dr Hands came to the door but I thought he was a local council worker and answered the door. He asked if Sam was home and looked at me as though he knew me. I felt disgusting. Seriously. I have a fluff of hair on either side of my head with nothing in the middle like an old man. I have two large sores on my face from disgusting pimples that could not be hidden even if I were a super model. I have no eye lashes or eye brows. Tears running from my eyes.

It is now that I feel disgusting. I feel like a cancer patient. Previously I have been proud of my bald head and face showing that I am going to be a survivor of breast cancer. That I was too proud to cover up……. I didn’t care that I had not one hair on my body and the tears that streamed down my face were chemotherapy related and the sores on my face and arms were from what ever caused them to chemo not allowing them to heal.

Today, after Dr Hands friend left I almost put a spot light on his face asking him a series of questions like – Did your friend know I was sick or does he think I choose to look this way?

Poor Dr Hands, who was actually pleased to have a visitor was like a deer in the headlights saying yes honey, he knows you are sick and that no, you do not choose to look that way.

Over the years, I have gone from a size 8 to a size None of your Business but big.  I have had excuses or hand waves for this but now, I feel vain. I feel so effin ugly that it isn’t even funny now.

I dont want sympathy or confirmation that I am a great person etc but shit, this really sucks.

I remember on one of my birthdays that an Aunt said to me, “you do not appreciate your looks or figure” and man, she was right. I didn’t appreciate my looks or figure  but I sure do now…..

No, I do not want to be supermodel gorgeous but this is not what I expected my later life to be.

How many of us have had a wonderful teenage and mid twenties look that we though would never end? Well, as my wonderful Aunt said, you do not appreciate your looks or figure” – maybe we should appreciate our good looks, health, energy and sex drive while we have it 🙂

I shall now inundate you with prettier photos of me than today 🙂

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Mum and Accalia
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Amanda Fishing

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Ok. so that last photo of Sam and I isn’t exactly pretty but it does remind me that I thought I was pretty, amazing and what not but today, that is not the situation.

Today I have an old mans head. Hair on the left. Hair on the right. Nothing in the middle. Three bright red pimple spots (sores do not heal fast with chemo/cancer treatment).

ANYHOO — I just want everyone to know (if you give a hooot) that I haven’t blogged recently for two reasons.

1 – A very special person who I love very deeply has been diagnosed with cancer. We haven’t an answer how bad or rampant it is but it has stopped me in my tracks. I love you girl and I wait for each and every result. This is not my story to tell but just know, I think of you each and every day and wish I could hug you until you were all better

2 – I have been feeling a bit out of sorts myself not just because of above but because there is still so much more to do. Yes, my chemo is finished and everyone thinks I should be shouting it from the rooftops and I get this. But, I have 8 months worth of herceptin left to go and 33 treatments of of radiation therapy. It isn’t over for me and I do not feel the joy that those do that post all of those wonderful pics of themselves with placards of last chemo treatment etc. Don’t get me wrong, I am totally all for those women who post those pics of their last chemo etc. It is just not me. I have too much more I have to do before I can celebrate. I have herceptin and surgery and radiation etc.

Anyhoo, Today, enjoy every single minute of it. Are you at work? Enjoy and embrace the fact you have a job. Can you see sunshine? Rain? Thunderstorms? Be happy you can see the weather. Have no hair to brush? Feel off your food? Constipated? Hemorrhoids? Diarrhea? Cry! Yell. Scream. You are alive to feel and live these things. I am not terminal and that, that, makes me smile through all of the pain, the torture, the agony.

Smile.

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My two besties Tracey and Nicole

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My gorgeous girls – Accalia my daughter and Stacey her gorgeous girlfriend xx

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See the way this ‘bitch’ looks at me when she is with Sam? Yeah, Well, Kelly (the bitch) and I are besties now hehe. This photo was from when I first moved in with Sam. Look at her unimpressed face… hehhe i totally love this photo

A great laugh at the 8th and final chemo session

So remember this morning when I told you I had accidentally taken 5 dexi (steroid tablets) instead of 2 dexis and 3 valium?

Well, I had to tell my little Indian oncologist about my wee accident but when I told him, all of the oncology nurses were standing around my cubicle including the pharmacist. Well, let me tell you I got a lot of laughs and giggles and cackles from my nurses and the pharmasist but not from my oncologist. He even pulled his glasses down his nose and looked over them at me.

I had to promise him it wasn’t deliberate because it ended up being a horrible night and I hated the dexis anyway but I needed three more because I was now three short.

Thankfully the pharmacist thought my story was hilarious and bought me up three more dexi tablets in a different shaped bottle so I will not mistake them again. Not that I care because it was my last chemo session but I do need these tablets to stop the nausea etc.

And another thing, this mornings post was a bit down in the dumps and unenthusiastic but let me tell you, all of the wonderful text messages, emails, facebook messages etc really picked me up. It made me feel so darn supported, loved and kinda proud of myself. I want to thank everyone, those I know, those I dont know and those I want to know, you have helped make this achievable and I didn’t do it alone, I did it with a damn lot of support.

We did it. We have beaten cancer (in my opinion) as a team.

Yes, I have more steps to go but the shittiest and hardest one is done, and that was chemo.

I know I can get through everything else now because if I can get through chemo, anything is possible.

For those just joining my unscheduled journey… next steps are this

Herceptin (I am HER2 Positive, google it) is an intravenus drug that I will need for another eight or so months but can be done before or after work because it has no mind altering effects.

Radiation Therapy x 33 starts in about 4 or 5 weeks where they will burn the area’s most likely to have the cancer spread to being back in the breast that has been removed, shoulder and collar bone. Apparently this is barable.

Lastly, mastectomy of my healthy breast and double reconstruction (in short, two amazing boobs on my way thanks), and a hysterectomy. The second mastectomy and the hysterectomy are for precautionary reasons. As I am the first in the family that we know off to get breast cancer, I want to take all precautions to ensure it doesn’t spread and make sure I dont have to ever go through this again.

Thank you Sam for being there for every chemo session. For the laughs, the singing in the car, driving me here there and everywhere but I will discuss Sam aka Dr Hands a little later because you have absolutely no idea what he has given up to make sure I was A OK.

My two boy loves xxx

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My Life of Contradiction

Be Advised – This is directed at no particular person but me…

I have read so many blogs and articles where people have stopped or delayed chemo because their body just simply couldn’t cope with the pressure of chemo. I totally get this.

This Thursday will be my 8th and final (fingers crossed) chemo session and bring it on I say. I have had enough. My energy and enthusiasm has gone. Not a great deal excites me. Not a lot makes me happy but having said that, not a lot makes me sad. I just feel like a jelly fish going through the motions.

Chemo is tough. Not everyone agrees with chemo and thats ok. But I agree with it. I have read and today even heard about people who have stopped chemo half way through because it was too tough for their body and mind. I totally get this but for me,  I was never going to give up.

I have an amazing daughter who may not need me but I want to be around for her. A gorgeous and amazing fiancee and his family that I do not want to leave, then of course my amazing fur babies and all of my neighbours and friends etc. I will do everything I possibly can, regardless if people agree or not, to keep myself alive and live a long and amazing life.

The story I heard today was of a man who started chemo but found it really tough (and I totally get this because chemo really does suck) but within no time at all, had cancer again.

To those who do get cancer and decide to not go the chemo and or radiotherapy route – thats great but, let those who DO want to take this route do it and do it without guilt.

These last two weeks have been really tough on me and I wonder if I will regret this post tomorrow because my emotions are high, energy is low, tolerance is low etc.

I should be absolutely delighted that I have only 1 more chemo session left and that is this Thursday but I am not delighted. I am tired. I am exhausted. I have had enough of feeling like shit, having no energy, listening to bullshit from ‘friends and family’ about what they think are major issues in their lives that makes me want to smash my head against the wall etc.

What I am greatfull for are the family members and of course, Dr Hands, telling me it is all ok. Agreeing that some of these people are worthy of bashing my head against the wall. They love and accept me and understand that whilst my cancer diagnosis was six months ago, it is still alive and well today. Yes, it has been cut out but it doesn’t end with surgery, there is such a long journey that goes with cancer.

It isn’t a headache where I can take a tablet but complain it is still there two days later.

It isn’t a flu that has me in bed for a week.

It is effing Cancer.

On the plus side, my bum fluff on my head is starting to look like hair and even though Dr Hands swears it is totally grey, it is totally platinum blonde.

Another plus, last chemo this week means that in a few weeks, I will hopefully start to feel some energy start to come back into my body, some happiness, tolerance, positivity and everything else I used to have.

But right now, I shall wallow in my self pity because shit, I think I have earnt this. I am usually very positive and happy and looking at the brighter side of life but not only does cancer, chemo, medication, people with no idea can really bring you down. I do love that when I burst into tears for absolutely no reason that Dr Hands was on board to give me the hug I needed and just made it all that little bit better.

Nope, I am not looking for pity or anything like that, I think this post is more to remind me that even though I was pretty light hearted and positive through this cancer journey, there were some pretty crappy people and days through it.

My highlights of the past two weekends were as follows

  • Clare falling asleep/passing out on our sofa after a big night to brighten her up during her bad times
  • Mum coming up this weekend (as she has done most weekends since I have had cancer/chemo) and bringing some beautiful flowers from her garden and books from her neighbour
  • Seeing all of the lovely spring growth on all of the plants and trees in our newish garden
  • A wonderful visit from Mandy and Josie from work with a gorgeous bunch of flowers and a delish bottle of my favourite bubbles Trilogy

Sorry for the downer of a blog tonight. I feel ok but down. I feel lucky but angry. I am cold but can’t be bothered getting a jumper. This is my life hehe. Such a muddle of crap but I am grateful that there is a light at the end of the tunnel.

Once I get through this Thursdays chemo, I will be ‘down’ for two weeks I imagine (that is the norm, sleep for a week or more after chemo and take a lot of pain killers) and then, I get four weeks off. No medicals, no blood tests, no doctors, no nothing.

I am hoping I can have a BBQ/Get together for my amazing and wonderful cousins  to thank them for all of their assistance through my chemo crap. Remember, they hired a cleaner for me each fortnight? Oh, I haven’t told you, my Mum has now taken over the cost of the cleaner which I was very cross about but OMG it is such a helpful thing in our lives.

Um, I think thats about it for this week. I am trying to calm myself, let the anger of things that annoy me go, look at the gorgeous new growth of our garden, play with my amazing Brady and Kelly and remember, I am cancer free and after this chemo this week, I get a four or five week break before radiotherapy.

Here, I give you two beautiful photos of our Kelly Belly. Sadly, my daughters father lost his staffy Crash Bang a couple of days ago and I can’t imagine the pain and suffering they are going through with this loss.

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I can’t forget Brady, so here is an old piccie of my old boy (7 and a half year old now)

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8 weeks old
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12 weeks old

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The ‘upside’ of Cancer

  • Being able to sleep all day
  • Eating Ben & Jerrys Ice Cream at 11am and not having to explain why
  • Not having to wash, brush, condition, cut or style my hair
  • Sleeping in
  • Being home with my dogs all day
  • Sparkling wine is a pre and post chemo medication and no one argues about it
  • Becoming the neighbourhood nosey posey and keeping an eye on what goes on around here
  • Having pancakes for breakfast in bed three days in a row at chemo time made by Dr Hands
  • Meeting people all over the world (via social media) who have handy hints and kind words
  • No dieting
  • Beside medical appointments, no real obligations
  • Shows the good side of people

My most recent chemo hasn’t been kind to me. I had it on Thursday gone and I thought I was doing ok for a while but come Sunday, I couldn’t leave my bed. I did have a lovely couple of coffees with the neighbour yesterday but have spent most of yesterday and today in bed also.

Thank goodness there is only one more chemo session left.

Then, we’ll talk radiation therapy……………

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The Great Debate

Firstly, let me start with last nights post. If you didn’t read it, don’t bother. Obviously, I had had a few drinks and goodness, what a mess of a blog that turned out to be hehe. But still, I am still very flattered to have people worry for me when I haven’t blogged in a while.

Now, onto more important matters, my hair! You know it has started ‘growing’ back in a baby hair/fluff kind of manner. This is the softest hair I have ever felt and I am always feeling myself up, on my head!

When I was in the chemist the other day, I told Mary to have a look at my beautiful hair (remember Mary? She is my pharmacist) and she was ever so impressed and then said to me, “Will you be colouring it?”

I was so offended. She is saying my hair is grey! I told her that would not be necessary because my new hair is beautiful and blonde. She just nodded. Hmph.

When I came home, I asked Sam what colour he thought my hair was, he said GREY!

What a crock of shit! My hair is sooooooo blonde and not grey.

Mum came up today and she said it is blonde. I love my mum. So, what do you think?

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Totally Blonde huh? And it is getting soooo long. I love it.

Here are the beautiful flowers that Mum bought up for me today.

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I seem to also have made a habit of adding a dog photo here and there on these blogs of mine so here is Miss Kelly up on her pedestal.

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Bad to Good – Make it Happy

I have had a really shitty crappy awful week.

Yes, a lot of it has had to do with my bum and bowels but I will give you a break with all of that information.

I have slept a lot which is not something I will ever complain about. The medication I am now on with the new chemo drugs make me quite zombie like but that is ok. Much better than the pain and discomfort that I suffered last chemo when they changed the drugs and advised I would probably only need ‘panadol’ to deal with the pain. Yeah Nah, Endone is what I needed. I don’t like endone as a general rule because it makes me nauseas and constipated and dopier than usual but it is what is needed to get me through the chemo ‘feelings’.

On some nicer news…….. The dogs got new beds recently. Brady and Kelly have both turned 7 years old and any dog trainer will tell you that is the dogs 2nd change of life. Dogs go through a ‘change’ at the ages of 2 and 7 – both Kelly and Brady are the same age. Kelly (our Staffy X) has become very sooky. Needs/wants cuddles constantly. Brady, who has always been the gently, frightened and most obedient dog has become a grumpy old man. He does NOT like it when Kelly settles in to her bed next to his. I now have to separate their beds at night time before they go to ‘real’ bed time. Kelly is a lazy b*tch who refuses to hold her poopies and weewees and has decided the hallway (carpet) is her toilet so she now sleeps in the garage. But, before  ‘real’ bedtime, the dogs are in with us in the house and run around like crazy fools, play tug of war, demand cuddles from Dr Hands and I and have sleeps before dinner and bed. Sometimes, Brady goes onto his bed first but when Kelly goes onto hers, he growls and huffs and puffs and carries on like a fool and I have to move his bed away from hers.

I did manage to get a photo before this all occur occurred though.

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Today, my wonderful mum came to visit me as she does most weekends. I haven’t posted her gorgeous square yet but I will do that a little later but look at the beautiful flowers she bought up for me. She almost always brings beautiful flowers for me to cheer me up. The thing that I really hate about her visits is that I can see she suffers looking at my bald (but almost all fluffy with new hair) head, my red and itchy eyes, runny nose, tiredness etc. How does a daughter comfort her mother who is suffering watching said daughter deal with cancer. Thankfully, we laugh a lot. Mum and I can laugh at the stupidest things…. I want to mention Sam here but that would seem rude hehe. My mum, Sam, Inlaws, Tamara, Accalia, Cousins, Neighbours, Furbabies and everyone inbetween keep it real but achievable.

Flowers from Mum

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Oh, and another thing, we harvested another Cauliflower this week, our neighbour John recons we could get about $10.00 for it because it is bloody huge. Excuse the fat bald chick holding it but it is to give you a perspective of how big this thing was

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But, I’ll have you know, I have lost 8 kilos since this cancer bizzo stuff so thats a good thing right?

2 Chemo’s to Go….

For some reason, I thought today was only going to be an hour in the chair for my ‘spa therapy’ but oh no, that was just too much to hope for, it was three hours. It might not sound a lot to some people but with the blood tests followed by two saline flushes and herceptin and docetaxol and a visit from the oncologist, bubbles in the tube causing more delays, tiredness from a very bad night sleep, this all made for a pretty shitty day.

Sometimes I feel so much guilt for having Sam take two days off each three weeks. The Thursday to drive me to and from chemo and sit with me for company and to watch for rashes and make me drink water etc. Friday following the Thursday he is home to make sure the side effects aren’t too bad and is able to check temperature and take my tablets and basically hover over me etc. He takes it in his stride but shit, how rough must that be for the carer to constantly keep a smile on their face and throw the funny jokes to me to keep me smiling.

Oh, and another thing…. My oncologist, who I adored until today, came into see me and I told him to look at my beautiful ‘fluff’ that I am calling hair and his response was this..

‘Yeah well that will fall out soon’

He even said this with a smile on his face. If he wasn’t such a cutie I would have slapped his face. Oh, I had a intravenous thing in one arm and the other is very weak so there was no chance of a slap even if he wasn’t cute hehe. I am sad though. I really love my little baby hair that is coming through.

I did ‘bling’ up today with my lovely engagement ring, new ring to keep engagement ring in place and wouldn’t you know it but Nurse Kathy noticed and says, excitedly, was there a wedding since the last chemo!!?? I explained that no, no wedding but a ‘safety ring’ was bought to keep THIS engagement ring in place.

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I also got to wear my gorgeous necklace from my pea in Singapore that she bought me for my 40th (3 years ago) and it looks beautiful. My anniversary earrings were also in place so I felt kinda ‘pretty’ with my bling and my fluff. I am still going hatless and wigless and scarfless and feel good for it. So, here is today’s look.

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Figured I best pop in a gorgeous photo of my boy Brady while I am here.

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