Still Here

Yeah, I’m still around but boy, that last lot of chemo really knocked me for a six.

I feel I have done nothing but sleep. Anti nausea tablets are my best friends right now and I want to even take the box to bed to cuddle. But more than that, I am just simply tired.

I am tired of chemo, cancer, my gorgeous dogs, text messages, emails, facebook, tv and everything in between.

It isn’t against anyone or anything but boy am I really fed up with it all right now.

I popped out yesterday to do some chores out in the the big wide world of meadows yesterday and I kid you not, I thought my nude nut of a bald head was going to fall off! Not only that, I slept eighteen hours straight from only going to the chemist, bottle shop (nothing consumed) and to the chemist. That was enough to wipe me out for eighteen hours of pure and solid sleep.

Even the dogs dont have my patience. I tell them often that I will take their embroided collars off and leave the front door open if they dont behave. Yep, times are tough.

Seriously though, with all the shit that I feel, I still think I am kinda doing ok. Maybe I watched too many movies and shit when I was younger and the cancer patient was vomiting and sick and thin and what not. I am none of these. I am just bald and fat and tired. Thats it.

What I do love is that man of mine coming home from work with a billion questions about what I have consumed for the day, my mum visiting most weekends, my cousin/bff emailing me everyday to tell me about her world and making me find three amazing things for my day etc and of course, my lovely parcels of squares. I can’t wait to tell you about my most recent square that almost had me pee my pants!!

Cancer really does suck. But, I am half way through chemo which is a great thing.

I am loved and thought about.

The rain outside makes me smile because I do not have to go out in it.

I am having a shitty day, week and night.

I wont ask for you to forgive me for such a negative post because I dont have many bad days. I can always fine a reason to smile and keep going. Today, my smile just isn’t as big.

That is all.

xx

To make myself (and possibly you) here is a happy photo…. This is Brady as a Baby πŸ™‚

Uniden Digital Camera
7 Weeks Old

9 thoughts on “Still Here

  1. Randi

    I know I haven’t said much so far. I am still reading, and praying to whichever universal force there is on your behalf, and send good juju from the topside of the world, thousands of miles away. I am here – just quietly here. Always thinking of you, wishing you strength, patience, and fortitude.

    Like

  2. I had days like that too! More than one, in fact. You don’t feel amazing, or brave, or warrior like, just whiny! And that’s ok too, you have the right to feel however you feel. Just roll with it, and the next day will (probably) be loads better! Hang in there. X

    Liked by 1 person

    1. Thanks for confirming it is all normal and natural etc. It just really sucks hey? The bad days are worse than any bad day ever. But you are right, the next few days have been a lot nicer to me…. xx

      Liked by 1 person

      1. I think your answer lies in the fact it’s still bloody hot til then, and houses here are usually not air conditioned. Can’t eat if it’s too hot. We don’t eat as late as the locals do — they usually eat about 11:30!!

        Like

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