Today at 2:15pm I ran my fingers through my hair and there it was. The start of the baldness. The hair loss. The lovely locks are on their way out. Don’t ask me how I knew what the time was, or even the relevance. I just remember the time.
Anyhoo, we all know that was going to happen but what no one told me was the itchiness. The last few days I have been itching my head like a lice/nits infested child. Constant scratching. I didn’t think much of that at the time, beside it being a bit annoying but now, because it has started to fall out, it is even itchier.
This has me thinking. What happens when the forest of dreams downstairs in lady land starts falling out? How on earth am I going to be able to go around scratching that? A head is easy because you can do that discreetly by ‘running your fingers through your hair and having a scratch on the way through’. Well, I can’t actually do that now because where will I put the hand fulls of hair if I am in the supermarket?
I can’t ‘accidentally’ rub myself on the trolly because then it’ll look like I am masturbating in public and could possibly get arrested. Oh man, this is going to be a tough one.
I can hear you saying, just shave it now. Well, have you ever shaved ‘down there’? It grows back super duper itchy if you haven’t done it for a while and what if it isn’t ready to fall out yet and comes back itchy from the growth AND the hair loss. See my dillema here?
Well, tomorrow I am going to ask Dr Hands to shave my head because already, this hair loss is annoying. Not just the itchiness but the bits of hair that are on my body. It is like I am constantly walking through spider webs or that I have some out of control body tick. I absolutely hate random hair on my shoulders, arms, in my sandwich etc.
So tomorrow is the day. I’ll try not to think of ‘lady land’ and hope she doesn’t have me walking around with my hands down my pants having a good ol’ scratch.
I’ll leave you tonight with that image….