Boob, Boobie, The new Boobalicious Boob is coming!

Totally forgot to tell you in all the excitement from my gorgeous cousins and daughter, but, my new boob is coming tomorrow.

Boob lady, Krista, does house calls and is bringing me a brand new prosthetic sticky boob.

This boob has weight in it so it means it doesn’t ride up to become a chin rest. It should droop just like Rightie.

Speaking of rightie, I have totally had enough of her and her double D status and droppiness. She needs to be constrained otherwise she swings like a bloody pendulum and could potentially hypnotise someone and could even give me a black eye. For the first time in my life, I really wish I had small boobies because now that leftie has left my life and is shriveled up, dead in a bin somewhere, I still have a bit of swelling and the stupid ‘surgical garment bra’ annoys me but I can’t be going out and about without it because of bloody rightie.

Anyhoo, I digress because new boobie leftie is coming tomorrow and it has a sticky back on it so i can stick it to my left flat chest and I’ll have droopy leftie back!

The way the boobie lady demonstrates it is with the enthusiasm of a vacuum cleaner sales person and their bowling ball test. She sticks the stickie boobie to her palm, upends her palm so boobie is hanging to the floor, wiggles it and shows that it doesn’t come off! Oh the excitement on her face is priceless and one must try to keep a straight face but man, that is hard work because she is hilarious. She really loves her job!

Should I ever be hanging from the chandelier in some fancy sexual movement to be turning Dr Hands on, I can rest assured that new fake leftie will hang tight.

Now, where can I buy a chandelier…..

PS: I still have my hair, eyebrows, leg hairs and nose hairs. If this chemo doesn’t kick in soon I am really going to have to shave my legs. Seriously, who has the energy for that!!??