Today I cried.
I woke early and no, that is not what made me cry. There seemed to be a lot of noise in the ‘village’ today so up I got at the ripe old time of 7am. I felt good. I felt hungry and hungry for more than just potato chips so up I got, coffee machine on, griller on and off I went. Toast with coffee and barocca. No headache or nausea tablets needed thanks.
Still no reason to cry.
On went the TV to my favourite hit music channel and all my favourite songs are playing, one after the other. There was that new one from Taylor Swift – Bad Blood, then the cute one from Ed Sheeran with the clips of him as a little kid, my current favourite song of the moment by Andy Grammar – Honey I’m Good. I was bopping along loving life and then it happened.
Not just a tear here or there but a flood of them. WTF? Where did these come from? They weren’t stopping anytime soon either. They just kept coming.
The thing is, I wasn’t crying for me. There was no, why me or, I am addicted to the cancer drugs give me more, or pity me poor me etc. I was just crying. And no, I am not addicted to any of the medications.
My crying went on for three songs. So whats that? About 12 minutes I think.
I cried for Sam for having to put up and deal with this crap.
I cried for my daughter and my mum for having to worry about me instead of loving and enjoying every moment of life.
I cried for my friends and family who love and care and worry for me.
I even cried for my dogs for not having a fun mummy as they were peacefully sleeping on the sofa when I had specifically asked them to stop sleeping on the sofa.
I cried for the messy en-suite. Dirty floors. Empty coffee cup.
Finally, after my three songs, I stopped and am now back to normal. It was weird and I know, you, the reader may think, or even say, you are entitled to cry. The thing is, I haven’t really done this crying thing since the diagnosis. I have had a tear and a cuddle with my man here and there but those sobs from this morning, wow, that was out there.
Now that it is done, another favourite song is on, Ellie Goulding – Love me like you do.
So, while I listen to this song, I’ll phone the vet and book Kelly in to have her bubble ear looked at and get on with my day.
My smile is back 🙂
Thanks for listening