I failed as a patient today :(

So, how would you react if Dr Hands was standing above you at 5am asking if you wanted him to make you breakfast now or leave it to make yourself at a more respectable hour? I am sure, like me, you would thank him kindly for the offer and then tell him to get out and let you sleep a little longer. I am of an age when I can, and have, looked after myself before.

Imagine my surprise when the phone rang at 10am, waking me from another wonderful action packed dream, with Sam on the other end of the phone telling me that yes, he knew he couldn’t trust me to get up and feed myself and how he should have made me get up at 5am and that I am not doing myself any favours sleeping through breakfast and not rehydrating myself blah blah blah.

I did drag myself up, fed and watered myself, popped some pills and went back to bed at midday. Geez, talk about being bossed about!

Another bossy boots rang me today as she does everyday at 5:30pm, my mum. She always likes to check up on me to see that I am doing ok and today I told her I was tugging at my hair and eyebrows once in a while to see how well they are staying in. Mum then realised that yes, not only will my hair fall out but also my eyebrows and eyelashes. I explained to her that yes, they will fall out with my hair and I’ll end up looking like, well, a cancer patient.ย  Imagine that? Mum started talking about fake eyelashes and drawing on eyebrows and ended up in a fit of giggles. Geez, I love my mum ๐Ÿ™‚

Todays Cravings

Ice-Cream! Fulfilled with a white chocolate magnum yum yum

Potato Chips – Fulfilled with small packet of smiths original potato chips

Lemonade – Had a can of this

Today’s feelings

Tiredness

Headachey (mild)

Nausea (very mild)

Hunger

Ear Ache

I don’t think I want to call the feelings – side effects – anymore. The thing is, this is how I feel. Each time I call it a side effect, it reminds me that I am doing this cancer fighting bizzo and when I am tired, I don’t want to think about cancer and chemo. I end up in a circle of confused and negative thoughts by thinking of all the horrible ‘C’ words therefore, by taking out the words ‘side effects’ and changing them to ‘feelings’, it keeps everything a bit simpler.

It isn’t as though I am trying to forget that I am fighting the breast cancer battle and having a few sessions with the ol’ chemo, but I don’t want to be dwelling on it.

7 thoughts on “I failed as a patient today :(

  1. It would be OK if you felt like dwelling. Allow every emotion you feel to be exposed because thatโ€™s part of healing too.

    Often, I was been awaken from my 14hr+ naps. Mostly because they thought I was dead (sorry for being so frank). I felt annoyed because all I wanted to do was sleep. But I agree eating your regular meals and hydrating yourself during the spa treatments is very important.

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    1. You aren’t supposed to take HIS side but seeing as though you are more the expert here than me, I’ll allow it ๐Ÿ™‚

      Thanks again for being here with me for this journey and for the honesty and knowledge you are providing.

      I think Sam used to wake me after my big sleeps for the same reason, to make sure I wasn’t dead. I can indeed fall into coma like sleeps often. I absolutely love sleep!

      Food has become so unimportant to me at the moment and I really only want something bland if I have to eat something. Did you go through the same thing?

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      1. Amanda, yes I went though the same thing because your body feels confused after the spa treatments. What helped me eat (and to calm my nausea) was ATIVAN, my BFF. I still take it before my tests, if I am too nervous.

        What helped me eat more was to actually do it more frequently, very small portions. And I mean, really small (every 3-4 hours).

        Days get better. xoxo

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  2. So true — donor let your stomach become empty! Even when waiting for breakfast, I’d have a couple of saltines or something. Small meals, often.

    I took Ativan the first few nights after chemo. Not only do they help you to sleep post steroids, they help with the nausea, soyoudont wake up feeling sick.

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    1. Thanks Ann. I think I was struggling because I needed really bland food and being a Coeliac, I need gluten free bread. If you have ever tasted any gluten free bread, you will know there are very few palatable ones. The one type I can eat is a 40 kilometer round trip to buy so when I had run out, I was stuck. I am now stocked up with the bread and have had a couple of pieces of toast for breakfast.
      And, I woke myself at 7am today for my feeding and watering. ๐Ÿ™‚ Winning all round here ๐Ÿ™‚

      xx

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