Ok, so yes, don’t go on about it but I have had a couple of drinks but this question is not unreasonable is it?
I know that I am about to lose all of my hair. No, I am not interested in this new technique of the cold cap of keeping some of my hair. I either have all of my hair or none. I am not interested in some here and there. gMy hair is shit so why would I want to keep it and no, I will not regret this statement when I have lost my hair. I worry that it will grow back grey but that’s about it.
What I most worry about is my head. What if it is full of warts? Full of dents and digits? What if my head isn’t a smooth and beautiful round thing that people look at and just know I am dealing with Breast Cancer? I fear it is ugly.
I can already feel something that feels like warts or alien like pimples. So there goes my beautiful smooth and round head. Maybe if I use my pedi thingy that removes rough skin from my feet, onto my head, then I’ll have a beautiful soft and round head.
Unfortunately the media gives these amazing photos of cancer stricken women looking amazing. I dont look amazing now so how am I going to look amazing once chemo starts?
This all sucks really. Yes, I am having a pitty party but if there was ever a time to have one it is now.
So my wishes today are as follows
1. My gorgeous dogs recover from kennel cough real soon
2. My amazing Dr Hands (Sam) continues his patience and love for me
3. My Head is gorgeous under this shitty crappy hair I have been given
4. I get over what ever virus I am fighting because I do have Breast Cancer that I need to beat!
5. Something amazing happens that makes me almost or even wee my pants 🙂
I am in a shitty crappy mood tonight. Thankfully I have amazing neighbours who can supply me with bubbles. Oh, and get this. Here I am in their home, rightie bobbie swinging in the breeze because leftie is sore and swollen and Lisa (neighbour) decides my burn on my arm need dressing. I am at her home, late at night, needing alcohol and that wonderful and gorgeous neighbour of mine feel s the need to dress my burn on my arm. Gotta love that kinda friend/neighbour.
Another thing I experienced this weekend which I am glad was only an experience was a few puffs of cigarettes. I smoked for many years and before I quit, was up to 50 a day. A lot of people asked where I found the time and even now, I wonder where I found the time. Now I am facing cancer, I even now want a cigarette. Isn’t cancer supposed to scare you of death? I see smoking as a relaxant. But, after over five years of not smoking, I do not want to go back to the ill health and expense of smoking. I will just carry on having cancer, begging neighbours for sparkling wine and believing I can beat this disgusting disease. Thank you Lisa and Pete. Thank you Sam. Today hasn’t been a great day xx
Featured Image is Brady and I before Cancer and Kennel Cough. xx