Here it is ladies and gentlemen. The one you have been waiting for. The Poop Blog.
There are a few ‘oldies’ here that followed my previous blog ‘I Woke Up Fat’ discussing the time, well, when I woke up fat. These people know my fascination for poop and have been waiting, I’m sure, for it to pop along here somewhere. Well, it has and here it is.
I don’t know where my fascination for pooping came from but its here and I love to poop. Imagine my concern, my terror, my absolute horror, when I could poop no more. Three whole days without a single poop occured after surgery. Not even a ‘need’ to poop. Nothing. WHERE IS MY POOP!!??
Turns out, my new friend Endone takes away your poop. So who do I chose. Do I keep my new friend Endone who takes away the pain of my recent boobectimy and lymph nodes or do I turn my back on Endone and wait for my great mate Poop?
Once I had worked out that I can’t have both in my life at one time, I did turn my back on Endone. Today I made the decision to give it up. Go cold turkey with Endone. I didn’t want to be so harsh and I felt just awful for it but I was worried about where the poop was going? Where do you store poop when not plopping it into the loo? I am big enough that I dont want to create more room on this very womanly body to have a holding bay for my poop. I am eating and drinking so I know it is in there somewhere. So I kicked my friend Endone to the curb, well, kitchen bench and took a couple of panadol and went about my day.
As time went on, I felt poop return. It was only a little niggle but I knew it was there. I smiled. I almost even blushed. It was almost time.
Once the time came, I almost skipped into the toilet but refrained due to drippy still being attached to me, and down I sat, ready for poop.
It was over so quick. I couldn’t believe that a few days of food and water and that was all I had. A rabbit could do more than this. To say I was disappointed was an understatement. There were almost tears. I didn’t even feel this robbed when leftie was taken. WHERE IS MY POOP DAMN IT!
Thankfully, there was a better outcome a little later but not my usual release of amazingness. That will come back I am sure. But what did come back was the pain. Oh the pain! And it was not the pain of missing my poop, this time it was the real pain. The wound pain, ooooh no, now it was time to say goodbye to my poop again. This is getting really quite difficult to balance.
Endone won. 2 Endone were had tonight due to the pain and discomfort and bossy Dr Hands (Sam) giving me a lecture on keeping up with the pain medication and didn’t I listen to the nurses in the hospital and blah blah blah. Does he not know what it is like to miss your Poop?
And who the bloody hell says Endone makes you sleepy? It does not make me sleepy!! Well, it makes me dopey, ok ok, dopier than usual. And slow. It makes me slow. Imagine a turtle, with big rubber boots on, and a brick on its back, having eaten too much at dinner, and maybe had a few glasses of champagne, that is how I feel after Endone. But asleep I am not. It also makes me think which is waaay out there because I dont think I am much of a thinker usually. I try not to dwell on things or go over things but once Endone is around, I think a lot. And obviously babble on about all sorts of nothings 🙂
So that was my Sunday. Deciding who I wanted to be friends with more. Poop or Endone.
On a brighter note, I am heading to the hospital in the morning to hopefully get drippy removed. I will chat to the nurses then about how to balance this current issue of mine. They’ll have the answers, they are amazing people.