Do Not Disturb

Boy did I have a late night last night. My friend Endone has turned against me and instead of my lovely dreamy feelings I have been having, I was left bright eyed and bushy tailed after having taken two tablets. My previous love of my single private room was now silent and dull and speaking of silent, the entire floor was quiet last night.  That might sound perfect but it isn’t. It is really eerie and I kept thinking someone was sneaking into my room to Get Me! 

The last time I looked at my clock was around 2:30am so imagine my disgust when Nurse Bouncy is standing at the end of my bed calling my name at some insane hour this morning!  I was honestly so deep into my sleep that I had no idea where I was and why this woman was squawking my name with her blonde hair bouncing around. I opened my eyes only half way before she was asking me how I was feeling… I didn’t even know who I was let alone how I was feeling so I told her I was tired. She must be hard of hearing because she then asked if I wanted a shower. Before I could answer that question, in comes one of my favourite people in the hospital, the lady with my food! Nurse Bouncy giggled her way out of my room promising she’d be back so I scoffed my two cold soggy gluten free pieces of toast. Not only had Endone let me down but so had Food Lady.  Today was not looking good.

After my poor excuse for breakfast, I quickly snuggled back down into bed to get just a few more minutes sleep and blow me down in comes Nurse Bouncy. I am ready to kick her bouncy little arse right out of my room and then aaaahhhhhhh Nurse Jill is here to save the day. This woman is my saviour. She is above any little blonde bouncy chic who wants to get me naked for a wash, Nurse Jill is here to save the day in her invisible super hero cape. She is the breast care nurse and what she says goes. Nurse Bouncy is ushered out of my room, Superhero Jill pulls the blinds and whispers sleep well before shutting the door. I Love Her.

My ‘do not disturb’ sing must have fallen off the door because in bustles food lady again an hour later with a lovely blue berry friand and coffee and drops it onto my food table with such a racket that I had no choice but to acknowledge her. I am still so tired by this time that I actually leave the food and coffee and lay back down but nooooo, in comes another person to take me to X-ray. 

Whoever says you are in hospital to rest and recover is full of it.

Anyway, Mr Kollias popped into see me today and here is some of the information he told me.

I had stage 3 cancer residing in leftie and it was the size of a fist! That’s huge hey? It amazes me that this cancer critter can pop into someone’s body and just take over without the owner of the body even knowing. And to get to the size of a fist is incredible. I assume he means like a normal persons sized fist because he didn’t specify if it was a small persons delicate fist or a huge hulk of a mans fist but either way, a fist is a fist and that’s big! 

He also said that he got it all! Ha! In your face cancer! No one gets past MY Mr James Kollias! Or me for that matter. 

Then, he said he is going to get me the best oncologist ever to come and see me to discuss chemo. 

I have been downstairs via wheel chair driven by a cutie patootie orderly, had my heart and red cells monitored to make sure they can deal with chemo, and bought back to my room for a lunch break.

Now, here is a tip for anyone in hospital right now or in the near future. If you fart, that smell has no where to go and you have no warning when the nurse is going to barge into your room. The windows don’t open and the bubble of gas released from your butt just lingers in your room! I know ladies don’t fart so maybe there was a bubble of gas in my bottom from the dyes they injected this morning but seriously, it just popped out and I thought to myself, thank goodness I have a room to myself and wouldn’t you know it but, in comes Nurse Happy and Nurse Chatty a millisecond after the bum burp had escaped! I could almost see the green haze of gas that had just been released but there wasn’t anything I could do and it was then that I worked out why people buy patients flowers in hospital, to disguise the smell of farts! Nurse Chatty said, as soon as she walked into my room, what a wonderful smelling room. So, she was either hungry and thought my fart was some delish food smell or, the many beautiful flowers quickly sucked up that fart and replaced it with scents of roses and Lilly’s.